


I Don't Care As Long As You're Mine: Book One

by ivycross



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Attempted Rape, Big Bang Challenge, Brainwashing, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Feeding Kink, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mirror Universe, Mpreg, Non Consensual, Pregnancy Kink, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 10:12:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 56,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivycross/pseuds/ivycross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when your captain is running around the ship sleeping with everyone in sight and doesn't seem to remember that you exist? If you're Mr. Spock of the ISS Enterprise you impregnate him in an attempt to get him to marry you. Of course plans don't always go as they should and the fact that Spock might be losing his mind doesn't help matters. Now it seems that everyone involved has to deal with the fallout along with the layers of jealousy, deceit and broken hearts. Except for Mr. Kyle, who just doesn't see why everyone can't be happy about the baby -- but then again he is a little odd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Title is a line from the song "Slutgarden" by Marilyn Manson. This is my real first Mpreg and part one of a two, possibly, three part series. It is set in the mirrorverse, and while not overly savage, it has its moments. I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> Written for the [mpregbigbang](http://mpregbigbang.livejournal.com/) on Livejournal.  
> Beta read by [ cowgirldressage1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowgirldressage1), but I mucked about with it so any and all mistakes are mine.  
> Be sure to check out the awesome[ cover art](http://spomarani.livejournal.com/10846.html) by spomarani!

In the semi-gray of the room, the red coals of the fire pot shone like a beacon and cast eerie shadows on the walls. Even stranger were Mr. Spock's unblinking eyes reflecting the crimson glow, willing it to put him into the trance he so desperately sought.  He swallowed and repressed a sigh. It had been many nights since he had meditated properly and even more since he had a decent night's sleep.  Closing his eyes he let the sigh he was holding escape his lips. When they opened again, Spock turned his head to one side, glancing at the table nearby.

His eyes skirted over the uneaten dinner for two, the unconsumed bottle of Vulcan wine, the two empty glasses and then over to the untouched 3-d chess board.  In his uniform jacket and regulation pants, he sat, watching the food grow cold and the wine warm for three-point-two-five hours. His eyes darted from the main door to his quarters to the door to the fresher that joined his cabin to that of his captain's, expecting any moment for his captain to walk through one or the other.  But he never did and after while Spock left everything as it was, changing into his robe and attempting to meditate, hoping that on this night he would be successful.

Life aboard the ISS Enterprise was fulfilling and more than any green-blood Vulcan could want. It was the task of being the First Officer and sometimes lover of Captain James T. Kirk that was more than any one person could bear. As Captain Kirk's XO you were expected to be swift, intelligent, patient, thick skinned and quick on your toes. As his lover you were expected to be all the above as well as have vast amounts of stamina and a resilience to pain, both physical and emotional.

Even knowing all this, the night Kirk came to Spock and whispered obscenities  in his ear that made his Vulcan resolve all but disappear ,  he still he followed his captain to his quarters. That night would be forever ingrained in Spock's mind and on nights when he had to go to bed alone, he would replay his favorite bits while pleasuring himself, muttering his captain's name under his breath.

Then one night, after being stood up yet _again_ , Spock came to the horrifying realization that he was besotted with Kirk. In time that infatuation had turned into love and then into obsession.  Of course, he kept this crushing emotional ache to himself, although there were some nights that even he could not stand the burden anymore and would confided in Dr. McCoy, the ship's CMO.  Once upon a time the two of them had been lovers and now serving on the same ship for many years, they had become friends, even though McCoy sometimes hinted at wanting to be more again.

Inhaling deeply, Spock turned back to his fire pot and stared at it frustrated and hurt. Perhaps his time would be better served in the labs. He had several projects that were piling up and he never seemed to have time to finish them.  Of course it was hard to have time when your captain took up most of it.

There was the sound of his door opening and Spock shut his eyes. He set his jaw and stilled his body. It wasn't long before he felt the hand on his shoulder, then the light thud of knees dropping to the floor, the weight of a body pressed into his back, the smell of alcohol on hot breath blowing past his ear. The hand on his shoulder moved, sliding it way down his chest while another made it way over his abdomen.

"Hey gorgeous."  Spock heard his captain slur in his ear but he did not move or make any indication that he noticed Kirk was there.  The only thing worse when Kirk would stand him up was later when Kirk would stagger into his quarters at odd hours of the night, drunk and wanting to fuck, because his other plans hadn't worked out.

There was a huff and Spock was jostled as Kirk pushed closer to him. Spock felt Kirk's stubble covered cheek press against his own and the fires arousal started to spark in his belly, but he made no move. He sat perfectly still, closing his eyes in disgust, more with himself than his captain.

"Spock? What's a matter? Aren't you happy to see me?"  Kirk must have been really drunk tonight to have said that.   Spock finally moved using his shoulders to push his intoxicated captain away.

"I cannot say that I am, Captain." Spock tried to keep the edge out of his voice when he spoke but it was difficult.  Kirk's arms slowly released Spock's body and he moved around the motionless Vulcan. He slid into place on Spock's lap and pressed his mouth to the cool lips.

Spock squeezed his eyes tight and he fought not to respond to the warm mouth pressed to his lips.  Kirk knew how to break down his walls and the kiss was just the start.  He pulled his face away from his captain's and opened his eyes to see Kirk's surprise turn to a pout.

"What is your problem, Spock?" Kirk said his lower lip sticking out just a touch.  It was all Spock could to not take that lip in his teeth and nibble on it till his Captain smiled again.

"You really have to ask?" Spock asked quietly.  There was a moment where Kirk's face clouded with confusion and then went slack with realization.  He looked over to the laden table then back to his First Officer.

 He open and shut his mouth a few times before he said, "Oops."

"Oops? Is that all you have to say?" Spock narrowed his eyes as he spoke his voice sounding more like a growl.  Spock had watched men cower under his gaze shaking in fear at the mere sight of the seemly heartless Vulcan, but Kirk had never been one of them. In fact Spock watched as his captain rallied under his gaze, narrowing his own eyes and scowling.

"You know, it was this same exact needy bullshit that compelled me to ditch Marlena, just so you know."  On the outside Spock maintained his stony expression, but on the inside his heart rate doubled at the thought of his captain pushing him away as he had done to Lieutenant Moreau. Kirk had not been kind at all and had humiliated the Terran female. Spock remembered watching the exchange with much satisfaction.

From Spock's lap Kirk smirked as a warm hand pressed to Spock's right side. "Thought so," he said staring hard into Spock's eyes.  Spock turned his head away, so he would not have to see that mocking smile.

_Damn you, James Kirk_

After a moment there was a hand on his face as Kirk gently, but persistently turned his face back towards him.  "Now now, none of that.  I will not stand for my proud First Officer pouting.  Look, I'm sorry. I got distracted and forgot.  I can make it up to you." As he spoke that last line, he moved closer to Spock and Spock could feel his Captain's hardness pushing into him.

"What was their name?" Spock said keeping his voice level.

"Whose name?" Kirk tried for innocent, but Spock knew that there had never been a time in his captain's life where the man had ever been innocent, so he just blinked slowly and waited for Kirk to answer.  After attempting to bat his eyes and smile, Kirk finally sighed and frowned.

"I don't know. She was some ensign that I picked up in the Rec room. I didn't bother catching her name."

Spock huffed and rolled his eye. "Typical. So tell me Captain, why are to you not with her right now?"

"The bitched passed out. Fucking tart can't hold her liquor."  Kirk wrinkled his face in disgust before once again turning all his charm towards Spock.

"It doesn't matter, because now I can spend my evening with you."

"I do not think so, James," Spock said as he moved to push his captain from his lap.

"Hey!" Spock winced as his captain shouted in his ear.  "When did you become such a bitch, Spock?"

"I am not, as you say, being a bitch. I am merely making it plain to you that I have no interest in being your plan B tonight. Now if you will be so kind, leave, so I may continue my meditation."

Spock tried again to remove his captain, but he wasn't really trying _that_ hard and Kirk slowly placed his arms around his neck.

"Spock."  To Spock's ears Kirk's voice had become soft and seductive, making him shiver.  He shut his eyes willing the arousal gone but his resolve started to melt away. Then, Kirk pressed his lips to an ear.

"Spock, is that what you think?" Spock had no words to reply, so he simply nodded.

"Spock, look at me," Kirk's voice was dripping with honey and Spock found his eyes obeying the simple command.  There was his captain,( _my  life, my love, my world ,my universe, my everything),_ staring at him with tawny colored eyes that had softened with arousal.  The full lips had curved in a flirty smile and Spock became aware of a hand cupping the side of his face.

Spock stared into those eyes, shivering and fought the urge to nuzzle that hand, so warm and comforting against his cheek.  He knew that this was a ruse. Another of the Captain's games and yet he felt his treacherous body respond to James's touch.

"Is that what you really think? Oh Spock, that's not true. You're not my backup. I'm just saving the best for last.  Now be good to your captain. Take me to bed."

Spock shook his head and closed his eyes again, only to feel Kirk’s mouth press to his once more.  This time he did return the kiss, so soft yet so demanding on his lips.  He let out a moan and Kirk replied in kind. The sound of it went straight to Spock groin.

He pulled Kirk closer to him and with no effort, lifted them both off the floor. He carried Kirk over to his bed and crawled on to it, still holding the human to him as their kissing became more frantic.  He felt fingers dug into his hair as well muscled thighs wrapped around his waist. Their kiss broke only for him to move down Kirk's neck while his captain gasped and moaned.

Setting Kirk down Spock whipped his robe from his body revealing the lean form that had hid under the cloth.  He pinned Kirk to the bed as he started to divest the human of his clothing.  There was a low rumble from deep down in Spock's chest as he saw Kirk give him a salacious leer.

"That's it Spock.   Take good care of your captain," Kirk cooed as Spock pulled off the gold bolero moving his hand down to Kirk's pants pulling at them.  When they were finally off Spock draped himself over Kirk's body, planting his mouth to Kirk's lips, eliciting a sigh of pure pleasure from them.

_My captain, my love, my t'hy'la_

His hands wandered all over Kirk's smooth body, the warm flesh so inviting.  Under him Kirk's hips came up and their erections met making both men gasp.

"Oh Spock, please suck me." Kirk's voice was full of need and Spock knew that he could not refuse his captain anything at that moment.  He moved his way down Kirk's body taking the time to mouth the quaking flesh, savoring the salty taste of his captain's skin, before he made his way to Kirk's bobbing penis, hard and leaking precum.

Spock nuzzled the golden curls purring softly as he did.  He placed his hands on Kirk's hips and started to lay tiny kisses on the shaft and balls.  When he heard his captain give a whine he slowly placed his tongue at the tip of Kirk penis.

He moved over the slit tasting the fluid as it dribbled out before rolling his tongue around the head pleased with the way Kirk shuddered.  He moved down the shaft to the base where he gently nipped the skin with his teeth delighting in the way Kirk gasped. Then with he took first one testicle in his mouth and then other, rolling them around one by one.

"Oh gods Spock, you tease." Kirk hissed between his teeth as Spock looked up from his work.  There was moment where Spock almost smiled as Kirk tried to buck his hips but could not push off Spock's weight.

"You need to learn patience, Captain." Spock murmured. He unhurriedly took to licking Kirk's shaft not taking his eyes off of the human.  What he saw was Kirk's mouth open in an "O" of pleasure as the most wanton sounds come from it.

"Please Spock. I need you."  He heard his captain moan.  Spock froze, his nostrils flared, his eyes growing wide.

_He needs me_.

In that moment Spock lost all interest in teasing his captain and sought only to give him pleasure.  

_My captain needs me._

Spock shivered hearing Kirk moan and swear as he took the hardened phallus into his mouth.  He sucked the member in deep, burying his face once again in Kirk's pubes.  He inhaled deeply, becoming intoxicated from the smell of his captain's arousal.

Slowly, he pulled up and went back down sucking unhurriedly, taking joy in the hard cock in his mouth and the happy noses Kirk was making.  He moaned when he felt Kirk laid a gentle hand on top of his head.

"Oh Spock. I love it when you suck my cock. Feels so good," Kirk whispered and in his side Spock's heart fluttered happily.

_He is pleased with me. I make him happy._

Spock moved one of his hands away from Kirk's hips, sliding it under the human.  Carefully he pushed his middle finger into Kirk. He moved it around till he found what he was looking for and proceed to massage Kirk's prostate, feeling the gland swell with blood.  He was suddenly overwhelmed with lust-filled approval from his captain.

"Oh fuck yes Spock. You are so good at this. Fuck that ensign bitch. There's no way she would have been this good."  Spock's head swam with affection and his captain's praise. He redoubled his efforts. Soon Kirk was shouting and bucking his hips into Spock's willing, grateful mouth.

Spock head bobbed rapidly listening to Kirk's cries.  "I'm gonna cum, Spock. Oh yes, yes I'm gonna Agghh, I'm cumming I'm cumming. Oh Spock."

Continuing his pace, Spock felt the first splashing of semen on his tongue and moaned as it filled his mouth. He swallowed with abandon, not wanting to waste one drop.  Once he had milked his captain dry, Spock removed the soften Phallus from his mouth and placed it gently back into its nest of golden hair.   He pulled his finger from out his captain's rectum and purring happily, Spock nuzzled his captain's genitals, his belly full of Kirk's seed.  

 He sighed when the hand in his hair softly petted him and he heard Kirk whisper, "Spock, that was so good." Spock's body hummed and he fought the urge to smile.

"James, I adore thee.  Please grant me the favor of feeling your month on my phallus."  There was no answer. Spock lifted himself up on an elbow, one slanted eyebrow arched.

"James?"  This time he received an answer as his captain snorted and started to snore loudly.  
He stared in disbelief at the sleeping human. Waves of disappoint crashed over him knocking him down so that he drowned in a sea of embarrassment and anger.

_Of course. Typical James Kirk behavior. He made me think that he needed and wanted me and once again I'm proven to be a fool._

Spock moved out of the bed and as he stood he looked down at his neglected penis. It stared back him mocking his pain as it bobbed untouched among his dark hair. The corners of his mouth turned down and he sighed looked from his erection to his captain, who as sleeping so peacefully.

He studied the handsome face in his bed and felt the familiar pull on his heart. He could not stay angry at his captain, not when the human looked so content. So Spock, shaking his head at himself, pulled an extra blanket from the trunk at the end of his bed and pulled it over Kirk's sleeping form.

Leaning over Kirk, Spock pressed his lips to Kirk's forehead, stroking his captain's hair with one hand.  
"Good night T'hy'la," He whispered tenderly to the sleeping form. In reply Kirk murmured something before settling back down, his slumber uninterrupted.

Spock turned from the bunk towards the fresher and after washing his hands thoroughly he returned to the main part of the cabin. From the floor of the cabin Spock picked up his robe and slipped it back on.  He made his way back to his mat in front of his still burning fire pot.  As he settled down on the mat crossing his legs and once again tried to achieve a trance a thought filled his mind.

_Damn you James Kirk. One day you will love me._


	2. Chapter 2

"And then what Happened?"

Spock looked into the incredulous stare of Doctor McCoy and then back down at his clenched fists. "Nothing," He said his tone devoid of inflection.

"Nothing? What did he say when he woke up?" McCoy asked exasperated with Spock's lack detail.

Spock worried at this lower lip before answering. "That he had first dibs on the fresher. He then proceeded to gather his clothing and told me that he would see me on the bridge." McCoy gave an undignified snort.

"Spock?"   Spock lifted his head and stared into burning blue eyes. "If I may state an opinion, you are an idiot." Spock narrowed his eyes and drew up in his chair.

"Perhaps you should keep your opinions to yourself, Doctor." This time his tone was laced with indignation making McCoy smirked as he lit another cigarette.  He inhaled slowly and blow the smoke out his nose.

"Well, then maybe you should stop crying to me every time Kirk acts a dick or uses you for sex. I mean, come on Spock. The man walks all over you, mistreats you, and ignores you unless he is horny and bored. Then he whispers sweet words to you, so you will let down your defenses. Once he is stuffed and content, he fucks off to find someone else to play with leaving you alone, _again_. The two of you do this little dance and frankly it's depressing to see someone of your caliber succumb to someone like Kirk over and over again."

Under McCoy's berating Spock deflated and slumped back down into his seat. "You make him sound like his is beneath me," he said.

Taking another drag McCoy said, "He is, or at least I think that he is. Don't get me wrong. The man is a damn fine captain and not complete nut job, but you can do a hell of a lot better."

_I do not want better. I want James._

"I take that you have someone else already in mind for me to consider." Spock eyed McCoy as the doctor lifted the cigarette to his lips.

"I wouldn't say that. I'm not here to play matchmaker, Spock. I'm just sick of seeing you chase after that self-satisfied asshole."   Spock said nothing to this. He knew his friend and was waiting...

"But I do have to ask. Have you considered giving us another chance?" McCoy voice softened and his eyes filled with of hope.   And there it was. Spock slowly shook his head.

"At one time Leonard, yes, I would have reconsidered you as an option for a potential mate."

The hope died in McCoy's eyes and he cleared his throat, "but not now?" Spock nodded.

"Why? Because of Kirk?" The doctor's voice held a nasty edge to it and he scowled.

"No," Spock said. "Not because of Kirk, Leonard. Because, too much time has passed for that to be an option." Noting the hurt expression on the doctor's face Spock added,   "Do not get me wrong. You were exemplary lover and our time together is something I will cherish, but we were both young and naive. We had no idea back then what our futures held for us. We were just two children who happened to meet at the academy. Besides if I remember correctly it was not I that ran off to marry some tart he knocked up on drunken whim." Spock saw McCoy wince at his words as his expression turned bitter and regretful.

"Spock I am sorry about that. I... Hell I don't know what I was thinking, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.  I just regret that I hurt you."

Spock shrugged. "No needed for apologies and regrets.  Your actions helped me make some decisions that had I not made, I would not have ended up here on the Enterprise.  Besides I do not say these things to burden you with the past, but to make a point. Our time has come and gone. Let us be content as we are now."

McCoy simply nodded his head and punched out the lit cigarette.  "Well then we'll just leave that be then."

Spock nodded his head. "Thank you Leonard. And I will try not to bother you with my troubles involving the captain."

"Bah. Don't be like that. You got to have someone on this damned ship to talk to about that prick. It might as well be me."  McCoy gave Spock a tiny half smile.

"Thank you," Spock said softly.  There was a moment of silence where neither said anything. After a minute McCoy huffed out a laugh which caused him to start coughing.  Once he was sure the Doctor was alright Spock raised an eyebrow.

"May I ask what so amusing?"  McCoy took out another cigarette and lit it with an odd smile on his lips.

"It's not really amusing, not really, but I guess what entered my head was so absurd that it made me laugh. I was just thinking it's a shame that Kirk's not a woman, and then you could just do what one of my cousins did."

"And that would have been what?"

"Well back in Georgia I have a cousin that was mad over this lady he was dating. Wanted to get married, have a family, the whole nine. But she didn't want all that, you know? She was happy with the way things were. She had no real drive for heavier commitments. So my cousin gets this brilliant idea. He tampers with her birth control. Next thing anyone knows she's knocked up and freaking out. "

As McCoy spoke Spock's brow met over the bridge of his nose and the corners of his mouth turned down ever so slightly.  The doctor didn't notice this and continued with his story.

"Well, my cousin being the sly devil he is tells her that if she doesn't want the kid that's fine, but asks her to carry it to term and he will take it no questions, no comments. So she agrees. That gave my cousin nine months to court her seriously, proving his worth as a father and possible husband. In the end she's so touched by his actions and a bit doped on her hormones she starts to see my cousin as marriage material. He pops the question, she accepts and they are married two weeks before the baby is born."

Spock stared at McCoy his mouth open a little. "Did she ever learn of the deception?"

McCoy shook his head. "Nope. In fact they are still married and she currently pregnant with their fourth child.  The crazy thing is as much as she told him that she didn't want to marry, she's now as happy as a clam and couldn't imagine her life without him or their children in it. What amused me was the idea that if Kirk was woman and if you were crazy enough you could pull that off too. But like I said not really amusing-- I don't know."

McCoy trailed off and Spock continued to stare his expression hinting at horror.  McCoy did seem to notice this and his brow wrinkled.

"Don't look at me like that, Spock.  I would never seriously consider suggesting that course of action even if Kirk was a woman. Hell, if I'd know about my cousin at the time I would've kicked his ass. You can't just force something like that on someone for any reason."

Spock shook him head and exhaled slowly. "No and the idea that someone would do that is..."

_Fascinating_

He stopped there frowning, unsure where that thought came from.  He quickly cleared his throat and stood. "Excuse me Leonard. It is getting late and there are matters I must see to before I turn in for the night."

McCoy took one last drag off his cigarette and nodded. "I hear that. I have a million medical reports to view and I haven't touched a one.  Look Spock, I hope that I didn't upset you in any way this evening?"  
Spock raised one arched eyebrow. "Please Leonard. There is no need to insult me. As if I would let such things affect my control."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Of course. What was I thinking? Well then try not to let that idiot Kirk affect you either, ok?"

Spock's eyes darted to one side before meeting the doctor's once more. "Very well. Good night Doctor."

"Night Spock." Spock heard McCoy's voice behind him as he left sickbay and felt his probing eyes on him.   He moved down the corridors of the ship, his stride and straight stare causing other members of the crew to move out of his way.

Spock enjoyed Leonard's company but he wished his old lover had never brought up their past.  They had met at the Academy both wide eyed young men seeking their futures and hoping to serve their emperor. When they had met, Leonard was true gentleman and Spock had been charmed by his manners and wit.  He had even spoke with an old fashioned southern drawl that had made Spock's heart flip in his side.  After a few dates, they became official and the "it" couple on campus.

They had everything going for them and after a time Spock had been certain that Leonard was going to propose to him, but then one day Leonard sat him down with a sad look on his face. He explained that he had been out with some friends. That he had met some girl. He had been drunk. He had left with her. They had sex. She was pregnant.  She was keeping it. He was going to do the right thing by her. He was sorry.

It took every ounce of control Spock had that day to sit there are listen calmly. When Leonard finished Spock remembered just sitting there as still as a statue, while his mind raced and his emotions flared to life threatening to tear him apart.  After he wasn't sure how long, he responded, "Of course."  After that he stood and left Leonard where he was and did everything he could so he would never have to see his old beau again.

About two years ago he found himself face to face with him once more. By then it had been 15 years since they had seen each other and the old wound that Leonard had left had healed but left a nasty scar. Spock had debated with talking with Leonard, unsure what they would even talk about, but it seemed that his ex had no qualms about it and Spock found himself cornered one night in the labs.

They talked.  Spock learned of the divorce, Leonard listened to Spock's tale of severing under the tyrannical Christopher Pike and they both exchanged accounts how they met and reacted to their current captain, the young and tenacious James Kirk. Spock remembered well that Leonard had seemed very cool towards the captain, where as he had been instantly drawn towards the charming smile and amber colored eyes.

The door to his cabin in sight Spock slowed his step, so that his feet all by dragged along the floor.  His heart was heavy, weighed down with the all consuming desire he had for his captain and the guilt at breaking his old lover's heart as his own heart had been broken years before.   Right before he reached his door he stopped and placed a hand on the bulkhead and looked at the ground.

His mind reeled and it was threatening to take him down. He shut his eyes and inhaled slowly, deeply, grasping at the frayed edges of his control. He needed to meditate. Oh sweet Caesar, did he need to mediate.

"Maybe tonight?" He winced at the sound of hopeful desperation in his voice.  A poor excuse for a Vulcan is was turning into.  With that thought Spock straightened to his full height. He opened his eyes prepared to cut down anyone that might have seen that moment of weakness, but there was no one in the corridor but him.  Removing his hand from the wall, he pressed in the control to open his door and was greeted by his quarter's familiar and welcoming warmth.

He took one step towards peace, when a sound caught his ears.  To him it was the sound of music, a symphony, a chorus of divine beings,  the faint hum of a Vulcan Lyrette, but anyone else it would have just sound like a human laughing. Which is all that it was, but it wasn't the sound itself that moved Spock. It was  who the laugh belonged to that made Spock lightheaded.

He peered down the corridor toward the sound and witnessed his captain moving towards him, his eyes a light and golden. His mouth was curved up in his trademark lopsided grin and he laughed easily.  Spock felt his heart flutter but then he felt it come crashing down inside him as he took notice of the figure beside his captain.   The youth was handsome with Black hair, green eyes,  and well defined cheeks that were dusted with freckles.  Spock  recognized him from engineering.

The two moved closer and Spock could hear their conversation, but so deep in his own sorrow, he could not understand one word. He watched as Kirk opened his cabin door and gestured for his guest to go in first. He watched As Kirk moved to follow the young man into the room to disappear for the night. His breath caught in his throat as his captain's head turned and their eyes locked.

Something passed over Kirk's face, but after a moment he just smiled and chuckled, giving Spock a wink before he was gone.  That one gesture caused Spock to almost stagger. He turned back towards his own cabin,  the warm darkness that only moments ago offered comfort, now loomed oppressively before him.

He stepped back letting the door shut.  He peered around himself thankful for the emptiness surrounding him.  Tonight was not a night to stare into the void of his fire pot. No, tonight it would seem to be perfect for working in the labs.  Spock turned on his heel toward the turbolift to take him up to his work station. There he would find respite, or at least a distraction from his fragmented mind and shattered heart. 


	3. Chapter 3

The cool sterile air of the lab welcomed Spock as the door opened with a familiar whoosh.  He was greeted by the sight of test tubes  and tables, the faint cry of a test subject soothing him for a moment. This was his home away from home. He knew this lab better than he knew his cabin and the number of accomplishments that he achieved here was his crowning glory.

He moved towards his desk, his mind already going through a list of projects, when a noise from another corner grabbed his attention.  He pulled out his phaser and cursed himself for sending his guard away earlier that day, but they were mostly for show, even if  they could do some major damage. No one was interested in taking his position on the ship. It was Kirk that always had to stay on guard, but still to be so careless.

"Hello, Mr. Spock. Sorry about the mess, but the mice got loose and knocked over the PADD I had here and..."

Spock lowered his phaser and  glowered a the ensign before him. Ensign Carter was a bright and promising young man, but tended to be clumsy, chatty and focused on things of no importance simply because he found them fascinating.  Most of the Science Department hated the young man, but Spock had found him to be refreshing. In a universe where everything revolved around dicking someone else over and trying to find ways to make money, Ensign Carter's attitude of "let's find out just so we'll know" was almost endearing. Now if someone could just make him shut up once in awhile.

"Ensign. Please explain what you are doing here? And do so concisely." Ensign Carter, holding a mouse in each hand, flipped his blond hair out of his eyes and started.

 "Well Mr. Spock, remember when we were on that planet we found last week and there were those really odd flowers and I said we should maybe collect some for study and the Captain called me a pansy, and I laughed because I thought he was making a joke, but it turned out he wasn't  and you said..."

Spock shut his eyes and raised a hand to his face. "Ensign..." He growled a warning and the Ensign, jumped, making a little "Eep" as he did so.

"Right sorry... Well, you said it would be okay. So, I brought some of the flowers to the lab and found that they produce spores and the spores have a neat affect on male mammals."

Carter stopped for breath while Spock raised an eyebrow. "Affect? What affect?"

Carter suddenly beamed.  "I thought you would never ask, sir. Come over here to my desk and I will show you, but please put on a mask first. Ummm there have already been some "accidents.""

Spock watched as the Ensign tried to  make air quotes with his fingers, while still holding on to the two mice.  It was quite comical.  Willing to indulge the young man, Spock donned one of the protective masks, making sure it fit over his mouth and nose and followed  him over to a desk that had been surrounded in plastic.  Spock Stopped and peered at it for a moment.

"Ensign? What is this?" He asked as the young man struggled to put his own mask one without letting go of the mice. Spock wondered if he shouldn't offer to hold one for him, but he was enjoying watching the ensign struggle too much to bother helping.

"Just a safety measure Sir." Carter answered cheerfully. Spock raised one eyebrow but said nothing. He waited patiently as the ensign struggled with the plastic curtain. Carter was finally able to push it aside without dropping his mice, allowing for Mr. Spock to go through first.  

Spock moved right up to the desk and peered at the untidy display of test tubes, disks, PADDS, and hypos. Also on the desk was a computer that seemed to running a formula and next to it all but buried under everything else was a clear plastic cage, where Carter carefully place the two mice he was holding.   
Making sure the lid was on tight he moved to the other side of Spock and started digging through the mess, before finding a PADD and holding it out to Spock.  Taking the device with both hands, while raising an eyebrow at the young man, Spock reviewed the contents slowly.

"Ensign, just what I am looking at here?" The data on the screen seemed to be a run on sentence  of information and after getting past what was the third line of it; Spock felt he would simply ask for it to be explained. After all he was both Science Officer and First Officer on the ship. As his captain once put it, it was other people's job to explain things.  Of course that line was used by Kirk at Spock when the captain was too tired, bored, angry, lazy, drunk, horny, etc. to bother with reading reports.

Ensign Carter nodded once taking the PADD from Spock. "Well you see sir, when I got the samples back to the labs; there was a mishap with some of my mice being exposed to the flower's spores.  I didn't notice until one of my mice died trying to give birth."

"And the spores had something to do with that, Ensign?" Spock was trying hard to not to sound annoyed, but he had come to the labs to relax, not to have someone tell him about their lab mice dying.  Carter bobbed his eyebrows and if he had not been wearing his mask Spock would have seen the nervous smile on the young man's face.

"Well, the thing of it was, it was a male mouse, sir." Carter paused, allowing the words to hang in the air.  Spock moved in closer, taking the PADD from Carter's hand.  He scanned the data and when he looked at the young man again both his eyebrows were well into his hairline.

"Fascinating. And you are certain of your information?" He asked. Carter nodded excitedly.

"Oh yes, sir. Once I figured out what happened, I set up a proper test taking one of my mice and exposing it to the spores directly. I then introduced it to another male mouse. They mated and the mouse that had been exposed to the spores became pregnant.  After a normal gestation, I had the litter removed along with the womb and ovaries that the mouse had developed.  I ran some more tests and found that once the spores enter the subject, they attach themselves to the subject's nervous system. They then send information to the brain telling it to produce the tissue to create a womb and ovaries complete with eggs."

Spock stared at the PADD as Carter spoke.  "But that still does not explain how this is possible," he said looking up from the device in his hand.

Carter paused and then added. "It would seem that once in place, nature just takes its course, sir." Spock started at the PADD skimming the never-ending sentence that made up the ensign's notes, his eyebrows as high as they could go.  For the longest time he said nothing then he handed the PADD back to Carter.

"Why exactly are you studying this, Ensign?" He asked

"Oh, well once I found out what it could do I thought if we studied it we could figure out the details of how and then to manipulate the process. The spores can cause wombs to be manufactured in male bodies, so why not make it so they can produces livers and kidneys or any organ for that matter. It would change the medical field. We could do away with synthetic materials and operations would become cheaper. We could save lives, sir."

Spock watched the young man as he spoke, his eyes lighting up and from the tone of voice the Vulcan could just image the smile of carter's face.  It was heartbreaking.  Spock shook his head sadly.

"Yes we could Ensign, but it will never happen." Instantly the light in Carter's eyes dulled and his shoulders dropped.

"It could happen," Carter said but without any real conviction. Spock just shook his head again and Carter sighed.

"I guess you are right, sir. No one would take any of it seriously unless they thought that it could be used to make money or gain power and this would do neither. It's shame though. I guess I should hang up my project, eh?"

"Not necessarily. You could continue your studies to satisfy your own curiously, but in your own time of course."  Spock could swear he could feel Carter's smile and it was touching if not unsettling.

"I knew you would understand, Sir. You are real scientist, not some money grubbing a-hole."  Spock arched an eyebrow at the ensign.  Ensign Carter blinked in horror at his own slip.

"Respectfully, sir," He added quickly and Spock could have smiled at the young man, almost.

"Thank you, ensign. I will leave you to it then." He turned to leave when a thought struck him.  "One more thing.  May I have a sample of the spores?  I will admit I have my curiosity about the affects and may wish to run my own study."

"Well of course, Sir." Carter said as he reached over the desk and plucked a test tube out of a rack.  In it was a measure of fine whitish powder.   He handed it to Spock who peered at its contents.

"I assume that this can be inhaled?"  Spock asked.

Carter nodded. "Yes sir. Or ingested." Spock seemed to consider this for moment.  

"Good to know.  Good night, ensign. Please do not work too hard." Spock left the plastic encased area with the ramble of good nights of Ensign Carter fading out of earshot as he walked past his desk and out of the lab.

He took off the mask as he walked down the corridor towards the lift. He did not look at the tube in his hand, but took in the feel of it in his fist and contemplated it contents.  He exited the lift back on deck five and was lost in his own thoughts as he made his way to his cabin.  He seemed to be on autopilot as he stepped in the hot dry air and took a seat at his desk.

He sat there for the longest time, before he finally looked down at the tube in his hands. Why he had requested a sample of the spores, he wondered to himself.   He had no real interest in what the ensign was telling him, but yet the thought entered in his mind to ask for a sample.

 _This is my chance_.

Spock's eyes widened as it dawned on him what he could possible want with the spores. He set the tube down horrified as the thought came screaming into his conscious mind, like a runaway train.

_It could work. It would give me time. I could prove myself._

"I cannot." He whispered half to himself, half to the room around him.

_It could work. I would show him that he needs no one else, but me and we would be happy... together._

"Together," Spock echoed the thought aloud. It was tempting. He heard McCoy's voice in his mind retelling his tale about his cousin. It had worked for him...

_Why not for me?_

"No!" Spock stood from his desk and walked away from it, only to stare back at it the look on his face similar to that of a lost child hoping to find direction. He knew that he hadn't slept well, that his controls were failing. That the lack of proper meditation had done a number on his mind, but to even consider this.

_But this is for his good too. He is not happy. He cannot be, not with all the whoring he does._

"This is madness," Spock said and picking up the tube, he carried it into the fresher.  Here he would dispose of the temptation and he would never consider something this perverted again. There were better ways to get what he wanted and he would just have to test out each one, until he found the one that worked.

He stepped up to the toilet and pulled the plug from the tube about to pour it out, when the noise started.  No, it hadn't just started.  It had been going on the whole time, but he had blocked it out up to this point. Now that he heard it, he could no longer ignore it.

It was his captain, (My _Captain, my t'hy'la, mine mine mine),_ moaning and crying out in ecstasy.  Spock's heart sank as he listened to the panting, the sighs, and the cries for more. The more he listened the more his sadness turned to rage and then that too changed.

In a moment everything became very clear to Spock. He put the plug back into the test tube and tucked into the sleeve of his tunic.  He felt so much better as he stepped out of the Fresher. He undressed out of his uniform and donned a robe before pouring for himself a glass of spiced wine. Then sitting back down at his desk, Spock hummed pleased with his decision.

He knew exactly what he would do. He would no longer stand aside idle as his mate ran amok on the ship. No, he would step up, take charge, and he would claim what was his. Kirk just needed convincing that was all and Spock would show him that there was no one better in the whole of the Empire to be his husband and the father of his child.


	4. Chapter 4

Spock surveyed the laden table before him. He scanned over the bottle of wine, the two glasses, the covered dishes, the lit candles and the tiniest of smiles touched his lips.  When he made up his mind a week ago to use the spores, he had planned out how he would get his captain to ingest them. The way to any man's heart was through his stomach and James Kirk was no exception.

Spock had approached the captain two nights ago, asking him to join him for dinner and a game of chess. There was only a moment's hesitation from Kirk when Spock mentioned that he was breaking out a bottle of wine that he had brought with him from Vulcan.  Spock remembered all too well that how Kirk eyed his collection of fine wines from across the galaxy.

So now Spock knew he just had to wait. He sat down at the table, folding his hand neatly into his lap. Before long there was a familiar buzz at his door, before it whooshed open and Spock took in the sight of his soon to be mate swaggering into the room, all smiles.

"Evening Spock," Kirk said making his way to the table, the light of the candles making his command vest glitter. Of course nothing sparkled more than Kirk's eyes which were amber colored this evening, making Spock almost swoon.

"Good evening, Captain. I am pleased to see that you could join me this evening."  Spock stood from the table as Kirk walked up to it and he gestured for Kirk to have seat across from him. He watched Kirk eye the table and its contents before sitting down.

"Well, it only seemed fair since I wasn't able to make it last time. I figured that I owe you one or two things here and there."  Spock resumed sitting and he gave Kirk a blank stare.

"Please forgive me for saying so, Captain, but I think you owe me little more than just one or two things."

Kirk gave a little laugh, "Are you keeping score, Spock?"

Spock raised an eyebrow, "Someone has too."

This made Kirk snort, before he rolled his head around peering about the room. He turned his eyes back to Spock who had never taken his eyes off Kirk's form.  Kirk nodded to the table.

"So, all this just for little ol' me? Spock, I never knew you had it in you."

Spock ignored Kirk's sarcasm and started pouring the wine.  He handed one glass to Kirk, who eyed it before shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip.

"You seem to be throwing caution to the wind tonight, Captain."

Kirk shrugged again, "At this point Spock, I would be disappointed in you if you just poisoned me. I want you to know if you ever do decide to kill me, I expect something impressive."

Spock took a sip from his own glass before answering, "I will bare that in mind."

Kirk smiled. "I know you will. So what's on the menu? Please tell me it is something appetizing. You have this weird idea that a dish with no meat in it is a good thing, and frankly I don't know if I can deal with that tonight."

Spock suppressed an eye roll, before lifting the cover on one of the dishes. It was a shallow bowl filled with a thin red soup.  Kirk leaned down and peered into the bowl before looking back at his first officer one eyebrow quirked up.

"It's gazpacho," Spock said simply, while watching Kirk make a face.

"Please tell me there is something else?" Kirk asked. Spock nodded.

"There is.  For a main course we will be having a mild curry with rice and for dessert there will be mangos with cream."

Kirk's brow raised clearly impressed. "Where did you get mangos?"  

Spock allowed for his lips to curl up ever so slightly. "I took over one of the botany labs and started garden. It caused a bit of an uproar, but nothing I could not handle."

Kirk smiled in return, obvious approval in his face. "Do you think that is a good use of ship resources, Mr. Spock?"

Spock took another sip from his glass. "Considering it produces fresh fruits and vegetables, mainly which I have shared with you, I would say yes."

Kirk gave a merry little laugh. "Then that's all I needed to hear." He picked up his spoon and trying not to grimace he took a taste of the soup.  Spock looked on amused as Kirk's eyes widened.

"This is good," Kirk said surprised.

"Yes it is, Captain." Spock's tone was patronizing to say the least.  Kirk narrowed his eyes, but he also took another spoonful of the soup and it seemed to make him forget he was angry.

The night carried on and if one was watching, they would have been able to see fully why Spock was so infatuated with his captain. As Kirk relaxed, he changed. His tone became lighter as he told jokes and flirted shamelessly across the table. He laughed easily at Spock's retorts. His lips curled up into a charming half smile and his eye seemed to grow brighter in the light of the candles.   All in all Spock found his captain to be the most pleasant company and to him it made perfect sense to want to spend the rest of his life with this man.

After the meal finished they moved to Spock's desk where the 3d chess board was set up and waiting. Another point Spock adored about his captain was the man knew how to play chess. It wasn't the normal way he was used to which made it better. Kirk challenged him with each game and delighted Spock to no end.

As they played they finished off the wine and the potent brew left Kirk red faced and unbalanced.  Spock knew it was time to put his captain to bed when Kirk leaned over to move his rook and fell out of his chair giggling.

"I believe Captain, that it is time for you to retire." Spock said as he leaned down to lift Kirk off the floor.  Upright but still unsteady Kirk flopped into Spock's body for support.

"Aww come on. The night's just getting started."

"Perhaps," Spock started as he took his captain by the shoulders and started to guide him towards the fresher door, "but for you it is ending. Come along, James."  Kirk relented to Spock leading him through the room and through the fresher they shared, into his own quarters.   Spock pushed Kirk toward his bunk and unceremoniously shoved him down on the bed.

Kirk fell upon it with a laugh and continued to giggle as Spock undressed him.   At one point Kirk placed his arms around Spock's neck and nuzzled his ear.

"Hmmm Spock, why don't you undress too?  Like I said before, I believe I owe you one."

Spock ducked out from Kirk embrace and continued to pull the captain trousers off.  "And as I said, you owe me more than just one."  

Kirk snorted gracelessly. "You really are keeping score, aren't you?"

"Someone has too. Now let's get you under the covers and I will see you tomorrow on the bridge."   He started to push Kirk back into the bed, when the captain's arms came up around him again this time going round his waist.  Spock paused feeling Kirk bury his face into his chest and his heart melted.

"Spock, you're so good to me," Kirk murmured and Spock fought the urge to embrace the human back, but settled for stroking his hair.  He looked down and found Kirk looking up, his hazel eyes wide and glassy. A smile touched Kirk's lips as he spoke.

"You know Spock, if things were different..."

It was at that moment Kirk turned a pale shade of green and Spock knew what was coming. He pulled out of Kirks grasp found a trash can and held it out to his captain just in time for Kirk vomit into it.  After a few heaves Kirk swore and fell back against the bed groaning.

Spock made a face but without a word took the trash can away from the bed and set it down into the floor of the fresher. He turned back to Kirk's room to make sure the captain was okay but when Spock heard the faint snoring coming from the bed he that the human was fine.  He turned back the fresher and once the door was shut he set about the task of cleaning out the trash can.

With that task completed, Spock returned to his quarters. There he took up the chessboard putting back on its shelf. He then cleared away all dishes and placed in them in to the recycler.

He changed for bed and as he climbed into his bunk, he wondered if the spores would have had enough time in Kirk's body to work before the captain became ill. Spock had placed them in everything the captain ate and praise to any deity listening, Kirk ate everything.  So they must have had time.  Spock settled deep into his covers pleased with himself.

_Now I just have to wait and see._

*****

That night Spock dreamed of his captain.  The golden eyes he knew were wide,  the human's face flushed as Kirk sat in his lap sideways.  He was licking at Spock's fingers as they left his mouth and Spock peered down lovingly at the form in his lap. He took up another piece of cake from the plate next to him and held it out to his t'hy'la, who took it gladly in his mouth.  Spock purred as he pressed his forehead to Kirk's.

"Oh James.  Are you happy, ashalik?" He watched Kirk's face break into a huge grin as he swallowed the morsel.

"Of course I'm happy."  Spock felt warm lips press to his own and the embers of desire flared to life within him. He let out a muted growl.

 "I want thee," He whispered from the corners of his mouth and the kiss parted with Kirk laughing.

"There will be time for that later, tal-kam," Kirk whispered in a teasing tone.  Spock stared into those hazel eyes and he nuzzled his beloved.

"James,  are you truly happy? If not tell me and I will move mountains to change that." That got him another laugh from the human.

"Oh Spock, you're so serious. Yes.  I'm happy." Then he took one of Spock's hands and placed it over his distended abdomen. Spock felt the movement under the skin and once more looking to the  loving gaze of his mate he heard,  "We're happy, Spock."


	5. Chapter 5

The halls of the Enterprise were nearly empty when Spock left his quarters and made his way to the bridge for the start of Alpha shift.  This was the time he enjoyed most. It was quiet and only essential personnel were up and about.  He paused by Kirk's door and he wondered his captain would even be up yet. He knew from experience that James was not a "rise and shine" type person, but once we was up with a couple cups of coffee in him, he managed until about noon.

Spock resisted the urge to knock on the captain's door, knowing that if he wasn't up yet he would spend all his time yelling at Spock, so Spock moved on toward the turbolift.  Spock was the only one in the lift this morning so he took the time to straighten his tunic and smooth his hair.  Vanity was not a trait among Vulcans, but it never served any purpose to be untidy.

At last the doors to the lift opened and he stepped onto the bridge. Spock was surprised to find his captain already there, bent over the science station as the members of beta shift shuffled past Spock into the lift.  He watched Kirk look up and smile.

"Morning, Mr. Spock."

"Good Morning, Captain." Spock replied a little surprised that Kirk was already on the bridge before him.  It must have shown on his face because Kirk chuckled.

"Don't look so shocked, Spock. One of members of beta shift saw something that they thought I should be aware of."

This peaked Spock's interest. "What was is it?"

Kirk shrugged his shoulder. "Nothing that I can see that was worth getting up for, but you have a look."  
Spock gave nod and approached his station. As he neared it and his captain, he was stopped by an aroma in the air.  It was beguiling and somewhat arousing.  When he noticed Kirk looking at him like he was crazy, Spock shook his head and continued over.  As he did he found the scent wasn't somewhat arousing, it was very arousing. No wait, it was extremely arousing and it was coming from Kirk.

Swallowing hard and licking his lip, Spock quickly placed his hands behind his back. "Captain, are you using a new aftershave or cologne?"

Kirk made a face. "What? Spock you know I don't bother with that stuff. Why do you ask?"

"No reason.  Let me take over here captain." As Spock spoke he heard his voice shake a bit. Kirk must have heard it too because Spock noticed his captain was giving him a very odd look.

"Spock? Are you alright?" Kirk asked cautiously his hand slowly moving to the phaser on his hip.  

_What has come over me?_

Aloud Spock said, "I am fine, Captain."  When Kirk did not move he added, "James you are keeping me from my duty."   At this Kirk nodded. Not taking his eyes off Spock, he made his way to the center seat. When he moved past Spock, Spock closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. When he opened his eyes Kirk was at the CONN, but was watching him carefully.

Spock tugged at the hem of his tunic and turned to his station. As he peered down in his viewer, his mind stumbling.

_What is that scent? Does he know? No, he is acting like he knows nothing.  What could it be? Why is it affecting me like this?_

At this point Spock had a full on erection that was becoming quite painful and the idea of throwing his captain over the arm of his chair was starting to sound like a really good one. Spock stared into his viewer not really seeing what was in front of him as the rest of crew entered the bridge.

_Can they detect it as well?_

Spock carefully observed the other crew as they took their places. Uhura did not seem affected nor the yeoman at Kirk's side as she handed him a Fuel report to sign. Then Spock noticed Mr. Scott. The man was blatantly staring at Kirk, pupils blown wide.  At their stations, Chekov and Sulu were showing signs of arousal as they tried to look back at Kirk without turning around.

_Only the male crew members seem to be affected. Fascinating._ Spock mulled this over when realization dawned on him.

_The spores! They worked!_

Spock did not remember Ensign Carter mentioning anything about pheromones, but it would be logical.  This was the body's way to signal that it was ready for fertilization.  Spock's toes curled in his boots and he almost purred out loud he was so pleased.

But now he had a new problem. How to get to the captain before anyone else?  Spock knew that at times, his captain wasn't picky about who he took to his bed, and if he was emitting pheromones then he had to be experiencing a heightened state of arousal.  He look  back to his Captain, who seemed to have noticed the attention he was getting and was sitting in his seat running a finger over his lower lip while smiling suggestively at everyone in the room.

At this rate Kirk could be approached by anyone and that would be the end of Spock's Plan.  
 _NO! I cannot let that happen. I need a reason to get him alone. Wait...I have one._

"Captain," Spock said turning from his station. Kirk rotated in his chair giving Spock his full attention, his irises mere gold and green rings around the impossibly wide black of his pupils.

"I have some information to give you about what the beta shift found. I would like to discuss it with you, but it would be best if we moved to your ready room."

From the corners of his eyes Spock saw the other's on the bridge take notice, the females looking confused, but the males looking like they would be willing to kill if Spock so much laid a finger on the captain.  From where he sat, Kirk looked puzzled for a moment, but then he smiled as he rose from his chair and stretched in most suggestive manner Spock had ever seen.

"Alright, Spock. Mr. Sulu you have the con."  Kirk spoke without taking his gaze off Spock. The others started to protest at once.  Kirk put them all in their place.

"Excuse me?  I do not need the approval of rest of you." He glared around the bridge before returning his attention to Spock.

"Now Spock, shall we?"  Kirk smiled a flirty half smile and Spock knew he had the captain where he wanted him.

_He is mine!_

"After you captain."

Kirk moved into the lift and Spock followed feeling the eyes of every male on the bridge shooting daggers at him.  He felt his mouth tug upward in a smug smile which he wore all the way to the captain's ready room.  Once there Spock let Kirk walk in first and as the door shut him behind him, he made sure to lock it.

Kirk turned toward him, his body language screaming, "Fuck me."  Looking at Spock through golden eyelashes, Kirk leaned back against the conference table.

"So? What did you find out, Spock?"

Spock approached his captain, careful to keep his hands behind him for now.

"Nothing," he said. He was standing so close to Kirk that if either moved at all they would touch.  He watched Kirk's lips turn down.

"Nothing? You said you found something?"

Spock blinked. "No. I said that I had information. That information is that what was observed during beta shift was nothing for us to be concerned about."

"And we had to come my ready room for you to tell me that?" From his tone Spock could tell that his captain wasn't annoyed, yet, but would become so very quickly unless Spock came up with something good.

"Well James, I noticed on the bridge that something seemed to be bothering you. I know how hard you work and I thought a quick respite would be beneficial."   Kirk seemed to consider this before shaking his head.

"Spock that is the dumbest thing I've heard you say. Come on, let head back to the bridge."  Kirk started to push from the table but Spock pinned him place. He watched as Kirk's eyes went wide.

"Just what do you think you are doing, Mister?" Kirk's demeanor was no longer soft and flirty but had reverted back his natural state of command.  Spock stared into his captain's eyes his expression impassive as ever.

"What is best for both of us," he whispered.  Before Kirk could reply Spock pressed his mouth to his captain's lips and kissed the human hard.  He heard Kirk moan and swear through the kiss which only served to increase Spock's arousal. He wanted his captain so badly at this point and he was not willing to stop for anything.

He pulled back from the kiss and looked into Kirk's flushed face, his eyes too wide, and his lips starting to swell.   Spock shivered and ground his hips into Kirk's, taking a deep breath as he did. The scent had only gotten stronger and it was maddening.

"Oh James, you smell exceptional." He buried his face into Kirk's collar and sniffed.  Under him Kirk struggled to push Spock off.

"Spock you will unhand me right now, ahhhg." Kirk suddenly cried out as Spock bit into his shoulder leaving red angry marks. Then Spock took Kirk by the shoulders and turned him around, bending him over the table. All the while Kirk twisted and kicked, ranting and screaming.  Spock pulled the gold sash from around the captain's waist and shoved it into Kirk's mouth, so that now the only sound emanating from his captain were angry moans.

Spock held Kirk down with one hand and with the other he rubbed his captain's back in smooth circles making calming sounds.  The hand on Kirk's back moved down to his buttocks as Spock gave it a light slap.  Kirk kicked and grunted outraged at this act.

"James, please stop being so difficult." Spock pushed himself between Kirk's legs as he went back to rubbing the small of his back.  Kirk stopped twisting about as much and lay over the table, breathing hard through the gag, his face red.

Taking his hand away from his captain once more Spock undid the tie in the gold sash around his own waist.  He held it in his teeth as he pulled both the human's arms back and then tied them in place with the sash. Kirk had kicked out a bit but Spock  took each hit without batting an eye, so consumed in his task.

With Kirk bound Spock was free to start removing the captain's pants.  He leaned over Kirk and reached around and with quick jerking motions he undid the clasp and zip of the regulation trousers.    Taking a moment to admire the view of his captain's upturned buttocks, Spock then squatted down so that his face was level with the mounds of flesh.

"James," He muttered as he nuzzled a cheek. He laid a kiss on the flesh before running his tongue up the skin. This pulled a moan from Kirk, making one side of Spock's mouth turn up for just fraction of the second.

"Did you enjoy that? Of course you did." Spock took his thumbs and hooked him between Kirk's cheeks, spreading them apart exposing the pink opening there.  He leaned in and caressed the area with his tongue, making Kirk's head jerked up.

Spock moved his tongue around skillfully, lapping at the opening with abandon.  As he worked, Kirk started to pant and moan, laying his head down on the table.  Spock purred, please with his captain's reactions to his ministering.

"That's it. Relax while I make sure you are wet and open for me," Spock cooed between licks.  He flicked his tongue around, circling the bud before he pushed it inside. He pulled out and dove back, loosening the tight ring of muscle there. Spock pressed on going deep inside with each lick, feeling Kirk's body start to shake.

Once he was satisfied that it was enough, he stood slowly, undoing the clasp on his pants. They fell unceremoniously to the ground and he lined himself up with his captain, pushing the head of his throbbing cock right up to Kirk's waiting hole.

Pushing in slowly, Spock listened to Kirk's grunts through the gag.  Spock place a hand to Kirk's back again once more trying to sooth the human by rubbing in a tight circular pattern.  When he was in all the way Spock inhaled and with the same amount of care pulled out until just the head of his penis was still inside.   From there he set his speed, pumping his hips with a measured pace. Under him Kirk shifted his body, tilting his hips up, giving Spock a better angle to work with. Spock stroked Kirk’s back and whispered praise at the human’s willing behavior.

With each push Spock took in the moans and sighs of his captain, becoming lightheaded from the sheer pleasure of it.   He himself made little noise, but took care to control his breathing as he ran his hands over Kirk's body shivering at the thought how that body would change when his captain became heavy with his child. His mind reeled with images from his dream and he moaned audibly as he came.

With few more pumps, he pulled out and fell on top Kirk, pinning him to the table.  Nuzzling Kirk's back, Spock reached with a languid hand, taking Kirk's hardened dick and started to pump it.   Under him Kirk moaned and writhed gently until he too came with a sigh, his body going limp.  Spock let go of the softening cock and pushing off Kirk's prone form, he bring his cum covered fingers to his lips and licking them clean, while his free hand set about the task of setting his captain free.

Spock watched as Kirk stood on shaky legs and pulled the gag from his mouth. He didn't look angry, Spock noted, just dazed and a little bewildered.

"What the fuck was that, you crazy Vulcan?" Kirk's tone just confirmed Spock's theory, not upset just confused. Pulling a finger from his mouth with an amusing pop, Spock licked the corners of his mouth.

"We are even now," he said and watched his captain's mouth drop open.

"What? We're even?"

Spock nodded his head, running his tongue over his open palm.

"Indeed."

For a moment Kirk stared in disbelief and then the corners of his mouth twitched.  He let out a laugh and a huge grin split his face.

"You're insane," he said to which Spock shrugged before bending over to pull up his pants.

"If you say so, Captain, but if I may ask, do you feel better?"  He waited for Kirk's to answer.  For a moment it looked as if the human would start screaming, his face becoming dark, but then something in his demeanor changed and he blinked several times.

"Actually, Yeah I do. Uh, how did you...?"  Kirk trailed off and Spock's lips turned up a brief smile before returning to his normal expression.

"After all this time captain -- I can read you like a data PADD.  Now, shall we clean up and return to the bridge?"  Spock watched as Kirk pulled up his pants and retied the gold sash back around his waist, while Spock did the same.

"That is an excellent suggestion, Spock," Kirk muttered, confusion radiating off him.  It wasn't the only thing Spock noticed as he followed Kirk out the ready room.  His captain's scent had changed again, this time it filling Spock with a feeling of joy and possessiveness. That was his mate and woe to any that would stand between them.


	6. Chapter 6

Savsik waited outside the cabin for his lord to return from his shift.  It was his duty and it made him proud to stand as the protector to the heir of the house of Sarek, but there were some things that allowed doubts to drift across his mind. Illogical things that bothered Savsik to no end, but he was a good and loyal servant. He had been picked by his lordship himself to travel with him from the confines of his home to Earth, to the heart of the Empire and there could be no greater honor, so he would never speak ill of his master but...

It was just that his lordship seemed distracted. It was like before, when had been involved with the human doctor, but somehow this was worse. Before his lordship had been young and a long ways from the land of his forefathers.  It was understandable that he had become confused and easily led astray.  
Now he was older, wiser, and had advanced in his career with in Starfleet, making his father and grandmother very proud.  Yet he seemed too content in his position. He made science officer and first officer aboard the Enterprise and he had just stopped.

It was that captain's fault, Savsik knew. That human was the root of the whole issue and the reason for his master's stress.  With his charming smiles, good looks and his appetites, the captain had bewitched his lordship, so that he could do little else but pine for someone that was not fit to scrape off his boots.  It should be his lordship commanding this vessel, not that human.

There was a sound down the hall and Savsik turned towards it.  His master, tall, graceful and proud strode down the corridor, his hands behind his back, his face perfectly placid.  Savsik felt a swell of pride in his master right then, imaging how majestic he would look in command gold. His thoughts turned sour though when he noticed the captain beside his master, as if he had the right, smiling and laughing in such a careless fashion.

It was disgusting and it made the most illogical feelings rise in Savsik. He watched as they stopped outside the captain's door and the captain leaned in to whisper something in his master's ear.  When the exchange was over he saw his master's eye go wide for a second and then captain smile in his sickening lopsided way.  It was enough to make a Vulcan renounce all logic and...

Savsik stopped and inhaled. These kinds of thoughts would not do, not when his master needed him to remain vigilant.  Sure as first officer his lordship was not in any real danger, but he would one day make captain and now was the time to fine tune the skills need to protect him from those who would do him harm.  It was a shame that he could not protect his master from himself, since he seemed convinced that he was, *shudder*, in love with his captain.

Savsik continued to watch as the captain disappeared into his cabin with a wink and for a brief moment his master smiled.  It was shocking to see someone of his master's standing and good breeding behave in such a vulgar manner as that. When he noticed that his master was approaching he quickly looked away, not wanting to be seen spying.

"Savsik," His master greeted him and Savsik in turn bowed his head.

"My lord," He replied as the cabin door opened and his master walked through. Savsik followed him in and stood at attention wanting for his master to acknowledge him.   When he did, Savsik saw a brow rise up in puzzlement.

"Yes Savsik? Was there something you needed?"

"My lord, if you will excuse me, but I would very much like to speak with you, please?" When his master said nothing Savsik continued.

"I am nothing, but your humble servant, but I have become concerned, my lord.  You have done your family proud with your career, but yet..."

"Enough." Savsik was cut off when his master held up a hand and spoke.  "Savsik, this is a tired subject. As I have stated in the past I am content to be where I am for now. I fine my work satisfying and if I move up in rank I will not be able to work in the labs as I am able to now, so I see no benefit in changing things. Maybe one day I will consider advancing myself, but not now."

"But, my lord. What of your family? You do them no honor in stagnating..."

"Savsik,[ kroykah](http://www.starbase-10.de/vld/main.php?cmd=details&id=9074)!" His master's words were not loud but there was force behind them making Savsik stop speaking and lower his head.

"My apologies, my lord. I have overstepped myself and dishonored you."

There were footsteps and a hand under his chin. Savsik raised his eyes to meet those of his master.  
"Savsik, you have done me no disservice, but enough of this talks. My captain has asked me to spend the night in his quarters and I wish to wear something... exceptional. You have always had an eye for such things. Please, assist me in picking something out."

Slowly, the hand pulled away and Savsik was aware of the loss. He forced his face to settle in to a neutral expression and nodding once, he moved around his master to the wardrobe where his non-fleet attire was kept. He reached in, pulling out a something in black.

"I have always found you to look extraordinary in this, my lord."  Seeing the look an approval in his master's eyes, Savsik felt another swell of emotion, but it wasn't of pride.

*****

  
Frowning into his reflection, Kirk gave an aggravated huff and continued to fuss with his hair.  It was the front curl that seemed to be giving him trouble or maybe he was just being picky.  He gave another sigh, finally just pushing hair back, only for it to fall back in his face.

Turning from the mirror on the dresser, Kirk looked around the room. He had set up the drinks on his desk, the lights had been set to low and there were candles by the bed.  Looking down at his outfit, he resisted the urge to change clothes, _again_.   He fidgeted with the buttons, still frowning.

_It's green and green is good. Spock likes me in green._

Kirk froze as that thought passed through his brain. Since when did he give a fuck what Spock thought about something outside of running the ship? Sure the Vulcan was a good lay and fun to play chess with, but that was all.

_So what I am doing worrying about what he would like?_

Before he could reflect anymore on this the door to the fresher opened and Kirk turned, his stomach doing flip as his first officer walked in.  The Vulcan was wearing a black silk collared shirt with the cuffs rolled up loosely to mid arm, paired with tuxedo pants. He was barefoot, Kirk could see and something about his demeanor, the way he looked back at him made Kirk' breath quicken.  He inhaled deeply and gave a smile.

"Well don't you look nice," he said feeling rather stupid as he did so.  Spock's eyes brighten and he moved closer to where Kirk stood.

"Thank you, Captain. You look...stunning yourself, but you always did look magnificent in green."  
Kirk shivered as Spock spoke and became dizzy when a cool hand touched his hip.  He was pulled closer to the Vulcan and felt Spock's other arm wrap around him.  He put his hands to Spock's chest, confusion marring his face.

"Spock wait..." He started but his words turned to a moan as the hand on his hip moved to his ass, giving it a squeeze.  He peered into Spock's dark eyes and felt them boring into him. He saw a possessive quality that should have repulsed him, but instead he felt his body responding  to it as he leaned into Spock.  He caught himself and pulled back.  Kirk tried to smile, remembering that his could turn his first officer into putty with a smile, but did not seem to be working this time, because Spock's expression didn't change except maybe it became hungrier.

"Spock, are you thirsty? Would you like a drink?" Kirk tried to pulled back some more but arms around him pulled him tighter.

"No James. I do not want a _drink_."  The look in Spock's eyes told Kirk everything he needed to know about what Spock wanted. He swallowed hard and he realized he was panting.

"Oh," he said weakly as he was led to his bunk. He watched as Spock brought his face in closer to his own and he closed his eyes as cool lips touched his.  His mind staggered through his thoughts, trying to collect them.  He wasn't this submissive. Sure he let the Vulcan top, but it wasn't out of need to be dominated, at least he never thought so.

But now... This had something to do with Spock's behavior this morning on the bridge. The way he had looked at him and then later in his ready room.  Spock had pinned him down, tied him up, forcing himself on him. Not that Kirk hadn't been there before, and liked it now that he was thinking about it, but Spock did not do that. Spock did not just take, he waited until he was invited and allowed to plunder his captain.   Sure Kirk bottomed, but he was the dom, not the other way around.

It was at that moment Kirk realized he had hit the bed with his legs and was being pushed down.  Spock straddled him, pinning him down again, the Vulcan's mouth on his own, rough and demanding.   Kirk let out an embarrassingly loud moan as he felt the Spock's erection press into him.

"Spock..." Before he got another word Spock's hand went to his mouth covering it.

"Shhh James. Now is not the time for words. This is a time of need. I need, James. I need you and I believe that you have a need as well. So let us fulfill our needs _together_."

The hand was taken away only to be replaced with Spock's mouth.  Spock was right, Kirk thought, he did need. He had been aroused all day, only feeling better after the Vulcan ravaged him in his ready room. It had felt so good to be taken like that.  He wanted to feel that way again...

_This isn't right_

Kirks' mind screamed at him, but it was buried too far under his lust to hear it.  Spock's hands moved over his body, leaving trails of fire in their wake and Kirk was pulling at the silk shirt wanting it gone. He got his wish when Spock pull away and tore the shirt from his body. Spock fell back on top of Kirk to Kirk's joy and he celebrated by wrapping his legs around the slim torso.

Once more Kirk looked into Spock's eyes and the possessive hunger was still there, mixed with something else he couldn't place, but he did not care. A hand cupped his face and he heard Spock whisper his name. In the low light of the room all he could see was those eyes as deep and black as the space they traveled through, and he was falling into them.

_What is happening to me?_

*****

  
His captain sighed and shifted in his arms as Spock stroked the soft curls holding the human close to his body.   He nuzzled the sleeping form and was rewarded with a soft murmur as Kirk continued to sleep. Of course the human was tired, Spock reflected. He had been demanding of his captain.  During the course of their love-making , it seemed to that as soon as he came,  in no time he was hard again  and back to plundering his captain's body.

In the final round he had Kirk's hips in his hands, grinding into the human as his captain lay prone on the bed, his head turned to one side, mouth slack, his tongue lolling, panting and grunting. As Spock came, he pulled out and went down on his captain. Kirk barely moved but whimpered softly before he too came in Spock's mouth.

Now laying here with his captain sleeping his arms, Spock felt content. There was another sound from the human has he shifted in Spock's arms before settling back down again.  Spock held him tighter and purred.

_It will be like this every night, James. I will keep you safe in my arms while you sleep and next to **our** bed, **our** child will slumber, and we will be so happy.  You will see, T'hy'la._

In his arms Kirk snorted and rolled over so that his back pressed against Spock body. Spock waited till the human settled down again and he placed a kiss on his captain temple, before he finally readied his body for sleep. Before he drifted off, he laid a hand over Kirk's abdomen, rubbing it gently.


	7. Chapter 7

The tricorder in his hands beeped, indicating that it had completed its scan. McCoy read over the results, raising an eyebrow as he did.  He frowned and put the tricorder down, not trusting the results.  On the biobed, his patient huffed with irritation.

"Is there a problem, captain?" He drawled as he picked up a PADD and started to flip through the files on it. On the bed Kirk sat up and glared.

"Yes. You're taking your sweet fucking time with this and I have a ship to run. Now do you know what's wrong with me or not?"

McCoy cut his eye briefly at his captain, before returning to the PADD in his hands.  "I want to make sure that I'm correct before I go spouting off something. The readings the tricorder gave me didn't make any sense, so we're gonna do this old fashioned way, where you tell me your symptoms and then I make an educated guess."   He chuckled at the look on Kirk's face.

"And you are the best doctor in the fleet? God help us all," Kirk muttered rubbing his face with his hands. McCoy ignored that remark.

"Alright, let's start simply. What brought you in here to see me today?" The look his captain gave him could have burned through steel, but McCoy smiled and rocked on his heels.

"I told you. I have been puking constantly."

"For how long? Did it just start?"  He watched Kirk glare some more.

"No. It's been going on for a couple days now. I told you this already," He growled and McCoy waved a hand at him.

"Yes, I know, but I want to go over everything with you again and make sure that I don't miss anything. Now what else have you noticed?"

McCoy watched Kirk sigh and run a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I am tired?" McCoy raised his eyebrow again.

"Not sleeping?" Kirk shook his head.

"No. I sleep through the whole night. In fact I have been going to bed earlier than normal and I'm still waking up tired. By midmorning I'm about ready to nod off in the chair. By Afternoon I am exhausted. I actually fell asleep in my ready room yesterday waiting for Spock, so we could go over the next mission."

"You fell asleep in your ready room?" McCoy was concerned now. Kirk never slept anywhere except in his own or Spock’s  quarters, and he never slept during the day. Hell there were times you couldn't get him to sleep at night, he would be so wound up about something.

Kirk shifted uncomfortably on the bed.  "Yeah. Spock woke me up and asked if I was feeling all right." Kirk looked down at his boots before continuing, "He was the one that suggested I come here today."

McCoy nodded and flipped to the next file on the PADD.  "Are you running a fever?" He asked and Kirk shook his head.

"I don't think so."  McCoy checked the tricorder and it showed that the captain's body temperature was up by two degrees.

"What other symptoms are you experiencing?"

Kirk shrugged again. "I don't know. I have been getting headaches a lot lately, but I'm not too worried about that. It's probably from the caffeine withdrawals."

"Caffeine withdrawals?" McCoy took his eye off the tricorder to stare at Kirk in disbelief.

"Yeah. Since I have been staying nauseated all the time I haven't been drinking any coffee. It's like I can't stand the smell of it. One whiff and my head's in the toilet."

"But you live on coffee and now you can't stand the smell of it?" McCoy went back the tricorder and set it to run another scan. This was too strange for him. "What other foods are you or are you not able to eat?"

Kirk crossed his arms and thought.  "Well lately I haven't been able to drink my coffee or eat red meat of any kind.  I'm okay with fish, because I had salmon for dinner last night.  I have been drinking a lot of milk though and I have been craving fruits and nuts.  Oh and spinach. Oh spinach is so good. In fact I might have a spinach salad for lunch."

McCoy brow twisted as he observed his captain gushing over spinach of all things.  "You hate spinach," he said his voice remaining neutral. In his hand the tricorder beeped again, signaling that it was done with its scan, with no change to the results.

On the Biobed Kirk gave a sheepish smile. "Yeah I thought I did too, but I guess not, uh?"

"I guess not... Tell me, captain. How often are you urinating?" This caught Kirk off guard and there was pause before he answered.

"Honestly? All the fucking time. It's like every five minutes I have to go. It's crazy and other then all the milk I'm drinking, I haven't changed the amount of fluid I have been drinking, so I don't get it."

McCoy's flicked his eyes back to the tricorder, then to his PADD, and then back to his captain.  "Any lower back pain? Abdominal cramps?"

"Yes to both," Kirk answer and McCoy could see that the captain was getting nervous.  He set down the tricorder again and the PADD.

"Let me see something. Tell me if this hurts?" He reached out and gently pressed his fingers into Kirk's right pectoral.

"Ouch." Kirk swatted at the McCoy's hand and glared hard at the man.  McCoy pulled his hand back and licked his lips.

"That hurt? How long have your pects been sore?"

Kirk's face turned red and he huffed in embarrassed. "I don't know.  A few weeks."

McCoy's eyes darted to the tricorder and took a breath. "So let me recap. You are experiencing nausea, vomiting, a change diet, slight elevation of temperature, frequent urination, lower back pain, abdominal pain, and soreness in your pectorals."

Kirk nodded, uncrossing his arms. "Yeah that's about it.  So, what's wrong with me?"

McCoy blinked as he looked into the worried face of his captain.  For as much as he did not like his captain, mainly because of his treatment  of Spock, McCoy was reminded that Kirk was not all bad, just driven and aggressive. Of course, now he looked so worried and what's worse, young. The guy was barely thirty two, which for a Starfleet captain, he was practically a baby and at this moment with his hazel eyes a little too wide, Kirk looked even younger than his thirty-two years.

McCoy sighed and frowned. "Well this is odd and I'm not sure what to tell ya."

Kirk straightened. "Why? What is it?" There was a pause and his face blanched. "Is life threatening?"  
This made McCoy laugh which turned to a cough.  He shook his head while he waited for the cough to pass.

" No, it's not life threatening, but it's certainly life changing." He swallowed and a fit of giggling hit him. He never thought he would ever say this to a man and definitely not to James T. Kirk.

"I guess I should start by saying congratulations, because you Captain, are going to have a baby."

*****

  
Spock forced himself not to run down the hall towards sickbay. Yesterday, he had found his captain with his head down on the table in the ready room fast asleep. Once fully awake and not trying to shoot Spock, because he hadn't realized yet that the person shaking him was not trying to kill him, Kirk had confessed to Spock that he had been feeling awful lately,  with vomiting and being plain tired.

Spock had suggested that he go see the doctor and find out what wrong.  It hurt Spock to see his captain so upset, because even though the human tried to hide it, the worry radiated off him. Kirk didn't know what was wrong with him and for man who had to know everything, it was disconcerting.

Spock on the other hand was pretty sure he knew what was wrong with his captain and could not be happier. He had been listening each morning as Kirk threw up upon rising. He had noticed the bags under Kirk's eyes as the captain would fight to stay awake in the center seat and had been relieved when he watched Kirk turn his nose up at a cup of coffee.

Of course, the day in the mess hall when Kirk pushed away his meatloaf and then started to pick at Spock's salad had been the happiest for Spock.  He remembered pushing his plate towards his captain and Kirk, without a word, dug in finishing it off within minutes.  He then peered down at the empty plate, frowning so much that it was all Spock could do to not pick Kirk up right there and cuddle him. He did, however, walk over to the replicator and got another salad, much to Kirk’s begrudging delight.

Now he was being call to Sickbay and if he was correct, everything was working out perfectly. He would have danced, if doing such a thing would have been logical, so he settled with just a low purr.  Outside the door, he paused to straighten his jacket and taking a quick breath, he stepped inside.

He was greeted by the sight of his captain, _T'hy'la,_ red-faced and screaming at a very harassed looking doctor.  Spock cleared his throat to alert them to his presence and tried to look puzzled as to why he was there. He watched as McCoy turned from the captain and smiled.

"Hello Spock. Good of you to join us."  
Spock lifted an eyebrow. "I was told that I was needed here. That there was something of great importance happening."  McCoy continued to smile ignoring the grumblings from Kirk.

"Yes Spock, there is."  The doctor turned towards Kirk. "You wanna tell him?"  Kirk's face turned an even deeper shade of red as he gaped at McCoy.

"Wait? No. Just tell him what the hell is going on, so we can move on here."  Spock made sure his face remained passive as he turned his eyes from the doctor to the captain back to the doctor.

_Please please please please please._

"Tell me what precisely?"  His voice was smooth and calm even though on the inside he was shaking.  McCoy looked back to Kirk, but when the captain folded his arms over his chest and glared, McCoy turned back to Spock.

"Well Spock, we know what is wrong with the captain. It turns out that he's pregnant and with what I know of timings and such, you're the father."

_YES. Yes yes yes yes yes._

"Are you sure?" Spock heart was pounding and he wanted to scoop his captain in his arms. He wanted to start picking out names for the baby and themes for the nursery. He wanted to get on one knee and propose. Then he would contact his father with the good news and start planning the bond ceremony.

"Yep, I'm sure. He's about four weeks along and he states he’s only had one partner around that time and that was you. So, congratulations Spock."

Spock nodded his head. "Thank you, Doctor."

"Enough of this. Spock, I need you tell him that you don't want this thing, so we can get rid of it." Kirk stormed up to Spock and Spock was taken aback by what his captain was saying.

 _He does not want our child?_  Spock was horrified by this.

"Captain, are you suggesting you want to abort the pregnancy?"

Kirk rolled his eyes. "Yes and I need you to agree, because apparently there's a new law in place that state both parents have to consent to the abortion. So, hurry up and tell him we don't want it. I have a ship to run and I have been here almost all damn day with this shit."

Spock looked down at the red faced human and shook his head. "I cannot do that, Captain." All at once the blood drained from Kirk's face.

"Why? Why can't you?"

"Because Captain, if the child is indeed mine, then I am bound to see that no harm comes to it. I do not make it a habit to speak of my family, but I am the technical heir to my family's estate and that comes with responsibilities. One of which is seeing that I too have an heir.  So no, I cannot allow for child to be aborted."

Spock watched as Kirk's face fell and his shoulders slumped.   He shook his head and grabbed Spock by the front of his tunic. "Spock, please. You can't do this to me. Think what will happen to my career if this gets out."   As he listened to Kirk's pleas, Spock felt his heartbreak for his captain.

_Does he not understand that this is for the best?  That this will work out for both of us?_

He placed his hand on Kirk's shoulder. "Captain, please understand. I wish you no ill will, but I cannot good conscience allow for my child to be put to death. We will work something out to hide this and you should not show for a while yet..."  His hand was slapped away and once again Kirk's face was beet red.

"We will work something out? You pointy-eared bastard. You don't care two fucks about me or my career. Hell this is probably the best news you've heard. I get found out and you get command of my ship.  Then what? I well I guess I'm demoted to Captain's bed warmer uh? Oh, I do not think so, mister. I will figure this out and you better believe that I will have you begging me for mercy once all is said and done."

Kirk pushed past him and stormed out sickbay. Spock turned to go after him, but there was a hand on his shoulder.  "Hold up, Spock. I wanna talk to you."

"But he might..." Spock trailed off as McCoy shook his head.

"He won't do anything. He's just flustered and pissed off that he's not getting his way. _You_ of all people should know that."  Spock nodded and placed his hands behind his back.

"So, what did you wish to speak to me about?"  From where he stood McCoy crossed his arms and gave Spock a piercing stare.

"Well, this is all little strange to me, Spock. Male pregnancy is not unheard of, but it sure as hell isn't common."

Spock narrowed his eyes at McCoy.  "And the point you are making?"  
McCoy held Spock's stare as he spoke, "I just find it funny that after I tell you about my cousin, this happens."

"You are aware, Doctor, of Ensign Carter and the tests he is running? They involve a type of spore that can cause a male to develop female reproductive organs. I'm given to understand that there have been a number of cases aboard the ship where crew members are having wombs they were not born with removed."

"Are you suggesting that this just happened, Spock?" McCoy's blue eyes were far too knowing for Spock's liking, but he looked down his nose and gave the doctor an imperious stare.

"It would seem so. I do know that about several weeks ago the captain took a tour of the labs, to see what projects were being worked on.  Obviously he was exposed to the spores then.  Had we known, a measure of protection would have been used, but since we were caught off guard...[ kaiidth](http://www.starbase-10.de/vld/main.php?cmd=details&id=302)."

McCoy stared hard at Spock. "[Kaiidth](http://www.starbase-10.de/vld/main.php?cmd=details&id=302)?" That is all you have to say about this?"

"What would like me to say doctor?"

McCoy shook his head and backed away. "I don't know, Spock, but I do know this, something's not right here and I'm not sure that I like it. Now go on and talk to the captain before he has one of his little tantrums."

Spock said nothing in reply, but turned on his heel and left, his stomach twisted with dread.

_Leonard knows..._

_That is not important, not now. What is important is that I do everything I can to win over my mate and get him to bond with me. This will work. I will make it work whatever the cost._

Spock found Kirk on the observation deck with the lights lowered, staring out into the depths of space, his angry face reflected back at him in the glass.  Spock let the door shut behind him and carefully locked it.  He did not want anyone to come in and overhear them.

"James?" Spock stepped up to his captain and reached out to touch him, but Kirk turned around quickly, slapping his hand away.

"What do you want?"  His captain growled.

Spock took a breath, hiding his disappointment and placed his hands behind his back. "I wanted to speak with you -- About the baby."

Kirk's face was like stone and he crossed his arms over his chest. "What about it, Spock?"  His tone was full of rage and his wrath permeated off him in waves.

"James, please do not be angry. I understand what you are concerned about, but your anger will do nothing to fix the problem. I know you do not want the child, but I cannot allow for it to be aborted. So, what I am asking from you is, carry the child to term. I will take it once it is born and you will not have to have any further involvement."

"Spock, you are forgetting something. I still have my career and my reputation to think of. If I'm seen waddling around my ship carrying a baby in my belly,  you can bet that I will not have much time to worry about carrying the thing to term. I won't lose my ship. I will not. Do you understand?"

Spock looked into the face of his captain and nodded. "I do and I do not want you to lose your ship. I will make sure that does not happen. "

Kirk narrowed his eyes. "And just how are you going to do that, Spock?"

"Oh the doctor and I will think of something, but rest assured that this will be kept off the records and we will do our best to make sure that no one finds out what happened. You must understand that if this got out, it would not bode well for any of us."

Kirk's stance relaxed a little bit. "So you'll help me keep this quiet and when the baby born take it so I don't have to deal with it?" Spock nodded.

Kirk frowned and chewed on his lower lips.  Finally after a beat he said, "Fine, but you better keep your word or I’ll have you and that damned doctor in the agony booth. That is if I'm still captain, which you better hope I am, because if I'm not, there are not words to describe the horrors I will inflict on you."  
Spock blinked at his captain. "I understand and do not worry, James. This will work out for everyone in the end."

Kirk snorted. "We'll see."  Right then Spock heard a growling sound and he raised an eyebrow at his now embarrassed looking captain.

"Have you eaten today?" Spock asked.

Kirk looked down at the floor and muttered out something about being too busy and spending all day in sickbay.   Spock moved closer to his captain and placed a gentle hand on one of Kirk's arms.

"Come along James, and we will see that you get lunch. I noticed the other day that you have been eating more vegetables, which I will assume is because of the baby.   We will use my diet card to get you a salad of some kind."

Kirk pulled roughly away from Spock's touch, but then looked up at his face his expression hopeful. "Spinach salad?" He said and the tone almost brought a smile to Spock's face.

"If you would like, then yes." Again Spock reached for his captain, but Kirk moved back a step. Spock tilted his head, confused. "James?"

He watched as Kirk shook his head. "Do me a favor and don't touch me, Spock." For a minute Spock felt his world crash around him.  He recovered quickly though.

"As you wish." He caught one last unreadable to look from his captain before Kirk stormed,  out of the room. Spock stared after him his heart aching.

_A minor setback, but that just means that when I do win him over it will be that much sweeter for us both._

Taking breath and clearing his thoughts, Spock followed after his mate to make sure that he was fed and cared for properly.  After all, it would not do to have it said after they were bonded that he neglected the father of his child for even a moment.  Spock sighed at the thought of relaying stories of their courtship to others at their reception and how elegant James will look by his side, wearing ceremonial robes in the colors of his clan, holding their little one in his arms.   Spock felt elated at this and that feeling did not stop, even when Kirk was glaring at him during lunch over his spinach salad.


	8. Chapter 8

The away team filed into the transporter room while Spock conferred with Mr. Scott about the coordinates of the beam down location.  The planet below was a small uninhabited class M that earlier exploration had shown could be rich in dilithium. It was Spock and his team's job to find out if that was true before  any of the empire's major mining corporations started putting in bids with Starfleet.

With the details hashed out with Mr. Scott, Spock checked the settings on his tricorder and stepped onto the transporter pad, just as the door to the room opened and his captain walked in. Spock watched as Kirk marched right up to the pad and took his place on it.  Spock stared at his captain.

"Problem Spock?" Spock shook his head at Kirk's question.

"No problem Captain, but may I have a word with you?" Spock gestured over to one side of the room and Kirk followed his gaze before stepping down from the pad.   Spock motioned to Mr. Scott to wait for them and he followed his captain over to the corner he pointed to.

"Spock?" Kirk stared crossing his arms over his chest, looking very annoyed.  Spock met the level gaze of this captain.

"Captain, do you think it is wise for you to beam down with us?"

"I don't see why not?" Kirk said.

Spock nodded. "I see. I think it would be better for you to stay on board the ship. It would be safer for you in your current condition." Spock let his eyes trail down and settled on Kirk abdomen.

"Spock, shut up before the others hear you," Kirk said through his teeth as he moved his arms from over his chest to cover his stomach. Spock's eyes moved back up to Kirk’s face.

"They cannot hear us and my worry is valid. You have been complaining of being lightheaded as of late and if you were to fall..."

"Spock, you’re being ridiculous. I'm not some clumsy twit."  Kirk was still talking through his teeth and his eyes bore into Spock.

"Of course not, but there could be other dangers. Would it not be better to error on the side of caution," then in a whisper so low Spock could barely hear himself speak, "please?"

There was a heavy pause before Kirk chuckled. "Look at you, Spock. Hovering over me, afraid something might happen to your rat. Cute. Look, if it will make you feel better, I'll call in my guard and he can watch over me while you run your tests, but you will not tell me what I can or cannot do because of this thing inside me. Have I made myself clear?"

Spock lowered his eyes. "Yes, Captain."  He could no longer see his captain's face, but he could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Good.  Now, I will call Mr. Farrell here and we will beam down."

Spock looked up and watched as his captain called in his guard.  Kirk turned back to Spock. "I don't know what you are worried about. You scanned the surface and said yourself there is nothing down there."  He smiled one last time before returning to the transporter pad.

Spock too returned to his place on the pad and watched as Mr. Farrell came in the room and took up positions directly behind Kirk.  From behind the controls Mr. Scott gave Spock an impatient look. Spock nodded once and as they started to beam down he chastised himself for being overly cautious.

*****

"What do you mean you cannot find him? He is your captain and your responsibility." Spock glared at the pale, worried and sweaty face of Mr. Farrell as the large man tried to catch his breath.

"I don't know what happened, sir. He was with me before the ambush, but as we were attacked we got separated. I have checked every possible place for him and I can't find him anywhere."

Spock narrowed his eyes. "Did you check among the dead?" His eyes glanced over to the growing heap of corpses, both of the away team and of the band of Klingons that attacked them.  Mr. Farrell nodded.

"Yes, sir. He’s not there, sir."  Mr. Farrell's eyes moved from the pile of bodies back to the angry Vulcan in front of him.

"A small mercy for you then." Spock bent down and picked up a bat'leth from the hands of a fallen Klingon warrior.  He examined the weapon, before speaking again. "Go and continue your search and for your sake I hope you find him unharmed." Mr. Farrell's eyes seemed to be glued to the bat'leth in Spock's hands as he nodded and hurried away.

Spock peered around him at the carnage.  When they had beamed down to the planet's surface everything had seemed fine. The team had divided up into pairs, leaving Spock with the captain and Mr. Farrell.   Kirk, taking a deep breath, had smiled in such a ways that Spock could have fallen in love with the human all over again.

"This place is beautiful. It seems almost a shame to destroy it with mining.  I hope we don't find anything... well almost. I would be lying if I did not say that I wouldn't welcome the commission we would receive for our work in confirming that is in fact dilithium here, but still it’s a lovely place."  
From where he had stood, Spock nodded and Mr. Farrell smiled at his captain's uncharacteristically good mood.    
Kirk continued to smile as he turned to his guard. "Come on Mr. Farrell. We go over here and explore, so we won't be in the way of our science officer."  Spock had opened his mouth to suggest that it might be best for Kirk to stay near him, but he had shut it quickly remembering his captain's reaction to his protectiveness in the transporter room.

He had watched the two humans walk away before he turned and moved toward the first testing site. He taken a sample of the soil and ran over it with his tricorder, nodding with satisfaction that readings were already telling him that this place was rich with dilithium.  He had just finished collecting a second sample to take aboard the ship when he had heard the screaming.

Spock's head jerked up and with great care he made his way towards the screams.  He took cover behind a tree and saw two of his team hit with disrupter rays from Klingon soldiers.  Spock pressed his back against the tree and pulled out his communicator. He would hail the ship and have reinforcements sent down, but first he had to find James and get him back aboard the ship to safety.  As he flipped open his communicator, he felt something cold press into his throat.

Spock froze with a blade at his throat, watching a Klingon come from around the other side of the tree.  "What do we have here? A Vulcan?" The Klingon gave a hearty laugh as he took the communicator from his hand. Spock watched as it was tossed to the ground and crushed under the Klingons boot.

"You should not have done that," Spock said making the Klingon laugh some more.

"Oh? And why is that little Vulcan?"  He let out another laugh that quickly turned to a gurgle when Spock stuck his dagger in the Klingon’s side.  Spock watched the Klingon fall to the ground and bent down to wipe his blade off on the body's tunic.  He made sure that no one had noticed him and he moved back to where they beamed down.

_I must find James._

He picked up speed the sound of combat around him. He came to a clearing where Mr. Farrell was fighting  off two Klingons, but there was no sign of Kirk anywhere. Spock moved behind one of the Klingons, planting his dagger in its side before removing the blade to cut its throat.  

As he let the body drop, to his left Mr. Farrell landed a right hook on the Klingon he was fighting. It staggered away from him giving the human enough time to pull out his Phaser and shoot the Klingon before it could retaliate.

"Mr. Farrell, report," Spock barked.

Mr. Farrell was gasping for air, but managed a salute. "Sir, we were ambushed and it would seem that so was the whole party. There are Klingons everywhere."

"Where is the captain?" Spock asked looking around for any sign that his T'hy'la was nearby.

"I don't know Sir.  I can't find him." Spock's head jerked to look straight at Mr. Farrell's face.

"What do you mean you cannot find him? He is your captain and your responsibility."

*****

Now Spock, stopping in the clearing where this had started from, wondered where his captain could be.  His eyes scanned around the area and stopped on an unassuming band of rocks in a hillside.  As he looked them over he realized that where two of the rocks seemed to meet there was an opening.  He tightened his grip on the bat'leth and approached.

It was an opening and it led into a cave.  He walked through the entrance and heard voices. One of the voices he did not recognize.  The other was that of his captain.  Spock hurried toward the sound and ducked behind some rocks as the voices became louder and clearer.

He peered over the rock and saw his captain, unharmed, but surrounded by a group of Klingons. One in the center stood nose to nose with Kirk a knife pressed to Kirk's face right under his right eye.  Spock heard him talking.

"My dear Captain Kirk.  I would like to say it is nice to see you again, but I'm not in the habit of lying."

Kirk smiled at this. "I have never known you be in the habit of much except getting under my skin, Koloth." The Klingon glowered pressing the tip of the knife deeper into Kirk's skin.

"That is _Captain_ Koloth."

Kirk's smile turned to a sneer. "Right. Tell me, whose dick did you suck to get that?" Koloth pulled the knifed from Kirk's face and pressed it hard into his neck.

"I would be careful, Captain. You're not armed and not keeping us entertained."

Kirk simply eyed the Klingon, but said nothing, letting his stare speak for him.  One of the other Klingons next to Koloth snickered.

"Maybe we should make our own entertainment with him.  He's not bad too look at, for a human.  Let's see how good he is at pleasing a real warrior." The others laughed and nodded. Koloth seemed to consider this.

"Well, he is certainly not to my tastes, but I have never been one to deny my crew just because I don't like something." He stepped back as the one of the other Klingons grabbed Kirk by the hair throwing him to the ground.

Spock watched and growled low and deep back in his throat. His gripped the bat'leth in both hands and twisted the handle in his fingers till they ached.  His body was starting to shake terribly as he watched Kirk roll over onto his back and Koloth stood over him.

"Now Captain, be good to my men and give them what they want. If you do this, I may not have to disembowel you." He leaned down and pressed the tip of the blade into Kirk's stomach.  Spock let out another low growl.

_How **DARE** they? They would threaten my mate and my child._

He stood from behind the rock snarling and baring his teeth, watching the blood draining from the face of the Klingon Captain. He thought he heard the voice of his captain calling out to him but wasn't sure, so loud was the sound of the blood pumping in his ears.  As he took one step, the shaking abating, he noticed now that his vision was tinted green, but he could still see. See those that would threaten his T'hy'la.

He rushed toward Koloth and before the Klingon could move; his head was rolling across the floor of the cave.   Spock turned his gaze towards the other Klingons and saw fear cloud their features.  In one brief moment before he moved in towards them, before he would kill them horribly, before he would present their dead bodies to his mate for approval, he smiled.

*****

 

  
"Hello." McCoy stopped at the entrance of the cave and listened.  When he had beamed down to the planet he had been met by a troubled Mr. Farrell, who reported that not only had he lost the captain, but Mr. Spock as well.   McCoy had simply shook his head and turned his attention to the wounded, since they needed his immediate attention, whereas Kirk and Spock were probably fucking in a bush somewhere.

He wasn't bitter about Spock rejecting him. By all means, Spock had every right to turn him down, since he was the one that fucked everything up in the first place, but to be blown off for Kirk. It wasn't that he disliked the captain. The man was charming and easy to get along with, just so long as you were not in his way, but the way he treated Spock, well it never set well with McCoy.  And now there was baby in the mix.  As if Spock wasn't smitten enough with the arrogant asshole, but now the jerk was pregnant with his child.

_It could have been my child..._

McCoy closed his eyes and waited for that thought to clear his mind, but it didn't. Instead it seemed to build on itself.

_That could be my child. Spock could have been my husband by now and we would have had a family. He was ready to marry me and I knew this, but I went and fucked it away. Now look what I have: An ex-wife that hates me, a child that I never see and a reminder of my biggest mistake in my face every dammed day._

McCoy shook his head and sighed. He would deal with that mess later, but for now he would find those two and drag them back to the ship since that seemed to be his job in life, mend the wounded and deal with them.   He walked a little deeper into the cave and started hearing a murmur.  He continued and as he did the murmur grew louder and formed words. Not Standard, but Vulcan.

_Well at least I found Spock._

He rounded some rocks, ready to either harass the Vulcan for making him look for him, or to tend to him if he was hurt and then harass him, when McCoy stopped dead in his tracks.  He wasn't sure what had caught his attention first: The smell of spilt bowels and blood, the scattered bits of Klingon everywhere and everything covered in their purpley-pink blood, or the sight of his captain sitting on the floor of the cave.

He holding a Klingons head in his hands, looking confused and little frightened. At his side was Spock, his arms holding the human ever so tightly and snuggling him.  Occasionally Spock would reach up and stroke the captain's blood soaked hair and lick his cheek. All the while Spock spoke to Kirk in Vulcan.

McCoy had no idea what Spock was actually saying and could only make out the few words that Spock repeated over and over such as t'hy'la, ashal-veh, katelau t'nash-veh. He moved toward them, about to say something, when Spock, having seen him, started to growl.

"Step back." McCoy heard Kirk whisper and he did so. As he moved away, Spock stopped growling and went back to his mantra.  McCoy licked his lips and watched the scene before him. From where he sat in Spock's embrace, Kirk looked imploringly towards the doctor.

"Spock?" McCoy waited to see if the Vulcan heard him, but Spock seemed too absorbed in Kirk.  Clearing his throat, McCoy tried again.

"Spock?" He was a little louder this time, but still got no reaction. He looked over at Kirk, who was glaring hard at him.  McCoy crossed his arms over his chest and he mouthed out, "Do you want my help?"  Kirk scowled but lowered his eyes and gave a tiny nod.  Nodding his head in return, McCoy uncrossed his arms and took a huge breath.

" **Spock!"**  His shout rang out through the cave and echoed off the walls. Kirk winced visibly, while Spock seemed to become as still a  statue.  After the echoes died away, McCoy attempted to approach Spock once more. By now the Vulcan was moving again, looking about him his normal expression twisted by confusion.

"Doctor?" Spock looked at McCoy, then seeing he was clutching Kirk, he slowly removed his arms from the human and stood.  He took a moment to peer down at himself, obviously noting that his uniform was stained with Klingon blood.

"Spock, I want you to head back to the ship and get your green tinted ass to sickbay, you got me?"

McCoy saw that Spock was about to protest when Kirk, still on the ground growled, "You would be wise to do as the good doctor ordered Spock, because otherwise I might have to send you to the brig."  
Spock gave a terse nod and marched out past McCoy.  McCoy watched him go and the turned back to Kirk who was slowly getting to his feet.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

Kirk looked at the Klingon head in his hands and making a face, dropped it before wiping his hands on his tunic. "Fuck if I know.  Farrell and I were ambushed by those Klingon bastards. Somehow, I got separated from Farrell and ended up in here surrounded.  Then Spock showed up and sliced through them like lunch meat. After it was all done, he picked up Koloth's head here and held it out to me like it's a fucking engagement ring.  When I didn't take it from him he pressed it into my hands and well... you saw."

McCoy nodded, but said nothing. He hadn't understood everything Spock had been saying but he remembered what ashal-veh meant, having been called that by the Vulcan more than once when they had been dating. That coupled with Spock's behavior, Kirk's choice of words seemed quite fitting

_Engagement ring... yeah that about covers it._

"Are you injured, captain?" McCoy pulled out his tricorder and ran it over Kirk quickly before the captain could react.  Kirk shook his head.

"I don't think so."

McCoy read his over the scan and nodded, "yep, you're fine. You and baby both." At the mention of the child, Kirk curled back his lip.

"Ug, that thing. That is the reason for Spock's weird behavior and I have no choice but to put up with it, and my first office being mad."

"I think Captain, we need to get you back to ship, get you a hot shower, a fresh change of clothes and you can have cup of tea while you write out your report in your cabin." McCoy moved forward and put an arm around Kirk's shoulders. Kirk glared at it, but did not move away. Instead to McCoy's surprise Kirk let McCoy lead him out of the cave, out into the open air, and into the care of a now very relieved Mr. Farrell.

McCoy watched as the large man in the red boiler suit seemed to fuss over Kirk, while Kirk simply ignored him, instead hailing the ship to be beamed aboard. Later it would not surprise McCoy to find the captain a sleep at his desk, with Mr. Farrell sitting nearby, a beefy finger, pressed to his lips,  urging the Doctor to be silent. Nor would it surprise him when he would question Spock about what happened in the cave,  that the Vulcan would tell him that he could not remember.  
What surprised McCoy the least was the feeling in his stomach that things were just going to escalate from here.


	9. Chapter 9

Spock listened to the sound of throwing up coming from the fresher while he finished dressing. He looked in the tiny mirror on his dresser to make sure his hair was straight and his tunic smooth before he picked up the container on his desk and knocked on the fresher door.

"Fuck off," came the reply of his captain who was no doubt hugging the toilet.  As much as Spock wanted to indulge his captain's every whim during his pregnancy, he knew that it would be better, at least this time to incur his captain's wrath for the sake of trying to help.

"Forgive the intrusion James, but I thought it would be best to actually come in and check on you." Spock spoke as he entered the small space of the joint bathroom and looked down at his captain, who was indeed embracing the bowl of the commode like it could save him from drowning and not even dressed.

Kirk's tawny eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth only close it quickly, before ducking his head into the toilet.  Spock looked down and without hesitation knelt down beside Kirk, placed a hand to the small of the human's back.  He rubbed it gently till Kirk leaned back from the commode pushing Spock away.

"I thought I told you not to touch me," Kirk growled. Spock drew his hand back to him and sighed.

"You did, but in lieu of your current state, I sought to offer you some comfort."  From where he sat on the floor Kirk sneered.

"I do not need comfort, of any kind, from any one.  I..." He did not get to finish that statement before he was back leaning into the bowl.  This time Spock merely sat and waited for his captain to finish.

"James, I think I understand your aversion to my touch. You are angry at the situation and wish to place blame, but there is no logic to it, not when I am offering help."

Kirk glared while resting his head on the toilet seat.  "I hate you," He said and Spock shut his eyes. Behind his passive expression his heart broke.

_Now is not the time to give up. Now is the time to push forward and make him see the truth. I will not give up on my t'hy'la, never._

Spock opened his eyes and bore them into Kirk. "Irrelevant as to how you feel about me personally, I am still offering you assistance and it looks as though you could use it now." As he spoke Spock stood, and placed the container in his hand on the nearby sink. He reached down and gripped his captain's arm and hauled him to his feet.  Kirk tried to pull away but Spock held fast.

"Spock, I think don't you seem to understand..." Kirk started but Spock cut him off.

"Be silent James. I am making a point and at this time I do not care that you do not wish for physical contact with me. What I care about is seeing that my captain is presentable to his crew and that the person carrying my child is cared for.  Now hold out your wrists."

When Kirk narrowed his eyes and refused Spock simply grabbed them, digging his thumbs into the insides of them where the bone split.  "Now James, take a deep breath and relax."

Kirk did not bother to pull his wrists from Spock's grip, but frowning he shut his eyes and took a breath.  Spock nodded to with approval.

"Good and again." Kirk gritted his teeth, but took another breath. Spock's goatee moved the tiniest bit as he fought to keep the smile off his face.  

"How do you feel?" Spock peered into Kirk's face trying to read his captain's expression. Kirk opened his eyes and frowned.

"Better," he muttered not looking at Spock. Spock let go of Kirk's wrists.

"I did some research and found that those points in the wrists help alleviate nausea when pressure is applied. Of course if that cannot be done or does not help, I procured these for you." Spock lifted the container from the sink and held it out to his captain, who took it cautiously.

"What are they?" Kirk asked as he removed the lid and looked down at small golden disks.

"They hard candies made from pure ginger. Ginger has been used for centuries to help stomach troubles and it is a safe, all natural remedy for  your issue. They possess a bite but have been sweetened to take off some of the edge.  Actually they are quite good, having sampled one for myself."

Spock stopped talking and took in the Kirk's face.  It was clouded and the lovely mouth was turned down in a tense scowl.  Spock tilted his head to one side.

"James, is something the matter?" Kirk's eyes moved to meet Spock's.

"I want you to know that I appreciate your efforts, but it does not change how I feel."

"Understood. With that said how you feel will not deter my efforts to assist you during this time."

Kirk pursed his lips. "Now that we understand one another, I’m gonna take a shower and will see you on the bridge." Kirk turned from Spock.   Spock coughed politely into his hand making Kirk pause.

"What is it, Mr. Spock?"

"James, have you informed Mr. Farrell of your condition?" Spock watched Kirk pivoted and stared at him.

"What? No, of course not. "

"I see. I feel that you should and that I should inform my guard Savsik as well."

Kirk sputtered his face turning red.  Finally he uttered, "Are you mad? We're not going to tell anyone, remember? "   Spock patiently placed his hands behind his back and nodded.

"Yes James, but in light of what happened when you beamed down on that planet, I feel it would be in everyone's best interest and you would have nothing to fear from them. Mr. Farrell and Savsik hold you in the highest regards. They are extremely loyal to you. You need the extra protection now. As it stands you are slower, fatigued, and suffer from dizzy spells. Soon you will lose your center of gravity. It is logical for them to make aware of the situation."

Spock braced himself for the backlash, but it never came. Instead Kirk seemed to sag and a resigned sigh came from his lips. "Fine Spock. Lemme get ready and I will address them after shift. I want you and Doctor McCoy to meet us in my ready room."

For a moment Spock simply stood and blinked, not sure if he had heard correctly.  When he noticed the murderous stare of his captain, Spock knew that he had heard right.  

"Understood. I shall see you on the bridge, captain." With a swift nod towards his captain, Spock exited the fresher and from his comm informed all involved parties of the Captain's request.   As he headed for the bridge he wondered briefly about how the two guards would react but decided it was pointless to speculate on such things.  It wouldn't matter because both men were professionals and would perform their duty regardless of how they felt about the situation.

*****

  
Savsik had forgotten, as he sped through the halls of the ship, how illogical his master could be sometimes. It wasn't the man’s fault really, since his mother had been human and, (not to speak ill of the dead but facts were facts) had been very strong willed and passionate about a great number of subjects.   His lordship had taken after the woman, so here was Savsik running through the ship, trying to keep up with his master.

"My lord, please.  I really do not understand," Savsik said and suddenly had to keep from knocking over his master, when Spock stopped abruptly in the corridor.  Spock turned around to face him, one eyebrow raised as Savsik stared into his puzzled expression.

"What do you not understand?" Spock said tilting his head. Savsik swallowed and started.

"About you and the captain, my lord.  I mean," Here he lowered his voice, "accidents happen, but why are you letting him go through with this? Why did you not order him to abort the child?"

Savsik watched his lord's face, searching for, he wasn't sure, but something that would ease his mind. Spock blinked and motioned for his guard to follow him into a nearby conference room.  Once the door was shut and locked Spock turned towards Savsik and sighed.

"Savsik, you seem to be under the impression that I do not want the child. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I do want the child. It was _I_ that convinced the captain to carry to term. "  Savsik was surprised, but the only thing that gave him way was the slight widening of his eyes.

"So, he did not want the child? But why do you want it my lord?"  Savsik watched the muscles in his master's face tighten and his eyes dart to one side.

_What are you hiding from me, my lord?"_

"I need an heir," Spock said simply.

Savsik's brow twisted his confusion obvious.  "You do not need to worry about such things. Your father will live for another hundred years or so, and even if you were expected to take up your duties to your clan tomorrow, you could have your pick of women to bear you a son or two.  Why keep some bastard child bore by a human who is no better than a pirate?"

From where he stood Spock gave Savsik a level look. "You know that is not true. On Vulcan I am considered a half-breed at best and that is the opinion of those that recognized  my mother as Sarek's legal mate. There are few back home who would bond with me and less that would actually give me a child.  As for the Captain, do not think so ill of him. He is a far better man than you give him credit for and I am pleased that my child will share his genetic make-up."

Savsik felt very irrational about this.  His master deserved so much better and could have better. Why is he content to settle for someone that was basically scum?"

"But my lord..." Savsik was shocked to hear the whine in his voice, but not as much are the anger in his lord's tone.

"That is _enough_! I will not have you say one more thing to defame or disparage the captain.  When I asked you to accompany me Savsik, you were placed under oath to serve me and those I serve. For now that is Captain Kirk. If there are any issues with this, voice them now and I will make arrangements to have you sent back to Vulcan. There are others that I could replace you with as my guard. Have I made myself clear?"

Inside Savsik felt something tear and break. It was most illogical, but he was finding it hard to breathe and he had to fight to control the roaring tide of emotions surging through him.  He couldn't risk opening his mouth for fear of what sounds would come out, so he nodded once.

His master must have sensed all this, because at once his expression softened and he shut his eyes before opening them again and raising a hand to side of Savsik’s face.

"My apologies. I should not raise my voice to you, not when you are just being concerned for me, but I ask that you not question me so much. I find it most disagreeable."

Once again Savsik nodded feeling his eyes start to tingle and burn.  He felt the hand pull away and he lowered his gaze. He thought he heard a sigh before his master spoke.

"Come Savsik; let us go to the labs. I have much I need to work on and I could use your help."

"Yes, my lord." Savsik felt as small as he sounded and did not bother to look up as he followed Spock out of the conference room, which was why he bumped into his master when he stopped unexpectedly.  Savsik shook himself and looked around Spock to see Mr. Farrell standing before his master.

"Mr. Farrell? I thought you were with the captain?" Spock spoke his tone once again neutral.  Mr. Farrell rubbed at his bald head with one hand.

"The captain said he had a headache and wanted to be left alone. I think the meeting we just had wound him up a bit. Mr. Spock, I wanted to talk to about... well, the captain and what's happening?"

"Does it bother you?" Spock said. Savsik could not see his master face, but he watched the beefy human smile faintly and chuckle.

"What? Nah. I’ve dealt with weirder and most it from the captain, so no, what’s happening doesn’t bother me except..."

"Except?"

Mr. Farrell sighed. "Except...well Savsik is a highly capable person and so am I, but there are only two of us and it's all I can do some days to keep an eye on the captain and what not. If he's the way you say he is then well... Let's just say we might need at least one more person on board with this, because well you know how he is normally."

Savsik finally came around to the side of his master and noticed his face became thoughtful at Mr. Farrell words.

"So you are suggesting we take one another person to assist? I do not know about that.  We wanted to keep this as low profile as possible."

Mr. Farrell lifted his hands. "I completely understand that sir, but the way you and the doctor talked, the captain is going to be tucked away here soon, leaving you to run the ship.  So, you won't be around much and Dr.  McCoy, he's gotta maintain sickbay, so he won't be around much to help, so that leaves just us."  Mr. Farrell pointed from himself to Savsik.

Savsik watched Spock bring his fist to his mouth in thought.   He turned from Savsik to Mr. Farrell and then placed both hands behind his back.

"Do you have any suggestion as to who we could bring into this without presenting a risk to the captain?"

Mr. Farrell shrugged.  "I have no idea sir."

"I do." Savsik swallowed as his master's brown eyes turned towards him expectantly.

"Indeed?"

Savsik nodded. "Yes my lord.  If you can pull him away from Mr. Scott and the transporter room, Mr. Kyle would be natural. He is very loyal to Captain Kirk and to you sir, but more importantly he is terrified of you and would do anything to keep you from punishing him."

Both Spock's eyebrows went up and Mr. Farrell nodded in approval.

"Mr. Kyle? Hmmm... Fascinating. Mr. Farrell, please go check on the captain and make sure he is well. Savsik you may retire for the night. If either of you need me, I will be in engineering."


	10. Chapter 10

"Mr. Spock. I thought that we had all agreed that this little "accident" was going to be kept under wraps." Kirk's eyes narrowed and a small tick appeared in the comer of his  left eye Spock noted.

"Yes Captain, we had," Spock responded quickly.  Standing before him, Kirk licked his lips and nodded.

"Now if that was the case, tell me why Mr. Kyle here just ran up to me and gave me a hug, saying "congratulations captain."  Kirk's face was now red and getting darker by the second.  Beside him McCoy pulled out his tricorder and started running a scan, his eyebrows going up as he looked down at the device in his hand.

On the other side of the captain, was Mr. Kyle, his good natured face looking slightly worried and beside was Mr. Farrell, looking around, possibly for an escape route.  Spock looked to Savsik, who met his eye, but said nothing. It would seem that he was on his own.

"Captain, It was discussed..."

"By who? Because I sure as hell wasn't part of that discussion."  Spock blinked and took a deep breath.

"Mr. Farrell came to me and made mention that it would be wise to bring in one more person to help." Spock watched Kirk's gaze turn from him to Mr. Farrell, who was now white as a sheet.

"Is this true?" Spock had to give Mr. Farrell credit, because the man met the cold stare of the captain.

"Yes, sir. I thought that it would good to have another person around, what with your condition and all."

Suddenly Kirk sagged and scrubbed his face with both hands.  "Gods," He muttered through his fingers. "The way you talk it sounds like I have some terminal illness from the dark ages." He removed his hands from his face and peered around the room.

"I am not dying, you assholes, but I guess I'm equally fucked."  Spock moved towards his captain, when Mr. Kyle stepped in before him and hugged Kirk tightly.

"You shouldn't think like that Captain.  You're having a baby.  You should be happy."  Mr. Kyle smiled broadly and his blues eye lit up with pure warmth.  Kirk pulled back a little as if Kyle was somehow mad and just suggested they skin puppies for the fun of it.  Spock noticed that everyone, but McCoy, who was still frowning at his tricorder, seemed to be under the same impression.

"Mr. Kyle, let me ask you something? How is it that you are not weirded out by this?" Kirk pulled from Kyle completely.  Kyle smiled some more.

"What? That you're pregnant?  It's not that weird, captain. My cousin Steven and his husband are currently expecting their second child. You see they had signed up to test that new uterus implant about three years ago. They had Sophie, their first child, and it went so well the doctor okayed them for a second one. Everyone back home is really excited for them. I'm kind of sad really, because I can't be there for the birth, but my sister Nini promised to send me pictures when the time came."

Kirk stared, the expression on his face something akin to horror. "You mean you know people that willingly subjected themselves to this?"

This seemed to confuse Kyle as Spock saw the man's brow wrinkle.  "Well yeah. They wanted a child and they got lucky enough to have one.  Of course you Captain have nothing short of a miracle here, what with what Mr. Spock told me and I'm honored that be a part of it. Tell me, Captain how far along are you?"

At this moment Kirk began  to visibly shake and Spock felt something on his arm. He turned to see Dr. McCoy's intense blue eyes boring into him.  "Spock, you need to do something and calm the captain down. I just did reading on him and his blood pressure is way too high."

"How high?" Spock asked as he turned his eyes back to his captain who looked as if he was trying, without much success to keep from blowing his top. Everyone else in the room seemed to realize this too, because they all took a step back from him.  McCoy held the tricorder up for Spock to see the display.

"See for yourself?" Spock looked and his eyes went wide.  He turned and moved quickly to Kirk placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Captain, perhaps you should have a seat, or maybe lay down. You do not look well and the Doctor and I are concerned for your health." Kirk slapped at Spock's hand and growled.

"Concerned for my health? You're _concerned_ for my health? That's funny, because you two weren't that _concerned_ when I wanted to abort this fucking rat, but now you're concerned. Are you really concerned about me, Spock? Or are you worry about your goddamned half-breed spawn that has taken over my body? YOU KNOW WHAT, SPOCK?  FUCK YOU, THIS THING AND EVERYONE ELSE HERE!"

Spock gaped at Kirk for a moment, his control fleeting in the face of his captain's fury. Behind him heard McCoy curse.  Spock swallowed and reached for Kirk again. "James..." He said kindly, "You are not being rational. Please let's sit and talk about this. Your rage is doing you no good."

"Mr. Spock is right, Captain." Mr. Kyle's voice held the soothing tone that Spock's couldn't quite manage. He watched a disarming smile spread across the humans face, and there was a flash of white hot anger as Mr. Kyle placed a hand on Kirk's quaking arm. It only lasted a moment before Kirk pushed Kyle away and the full force of his temper was unleashed.

"GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! I will not put up with this any longer. I am not some simpering weak thing. I AM A FUCKING CAPTAIN OF AN IMPERIAL STARSHIP. I WILL BE TREATED WITH RESPECT." Kirk's eyes were too wide and bloodshot as he pointed to doctor McCoy.

"You! You and I are heading down sick bay right now and you’re going to take this _thing_ out of me. I don't give two _fucks_ what Spock wants or what the law is, but you are doing it or so help me I'll..."

Suddenly Kirk's eyes rolled back and his body started to go limp. Spock dove and clutched at his captain before the man had a chance to fall.  He awkwardly held Kirk in his arms, the human's body wilted against him.  Spock peered down at the unconscious form.

"James?" he whispered.

"Spock, get him over to the Bed.  Mr. Ferrell, get down to sick bay now and tell Nurse Chapel I need a hypo with a mild antihypertensive in it. Savsik, help Spock carry the captain. Mr. Kyle, go get a glass of water."   

Everyone scrambled under McCoy's orders. Spock did not wait for Savsik to assist him, but instead shifted Kirk in his arms so that he held the captain bridal style.  He carted the limp form over to the captain's bunk and laid him down gently. As Kirk hit the bed his, his head rolled to one side.

McCoy was there beside Spock  crouched down by the bed repositioning Kirk arranging his head and neck to make sure that the captain got plenty of air, muttering to himself. Spock was beside himself, the unfamiliar feeling of panic crippling his thinking.

"He's still breathing and the tricorder isn't picking up anything irregularities with his heart, so right now he's okay." Spock looked down at the doctor when he realized that it was him that the human was speaking to.  McCoy's face maintaining his normal mask of frowning disapproval but his eyes had softened a touch looking at Spock.

"It's all right, Spock." His voice carried concern and note of kindness. Had Savsik and Mr. Kyle not being there Spock would have hugged the doctor, but instead opted in for brief nodded.  Right then both Spock's and McCoy's attention was pulled to the bed, as Kirk moaned and moved.

He tried to sit up but McCoy pushed him back down. "Oh, no you don't. You are staying right where you are. Now tell me, are you experiencing any chest pains, dizziness, anything numb or tingling?"

Kirk fell back one on the bed and shook his head.  "My head hurts though," He muttered. McCoy snorted and nodded.

"Are your ears ringing? He asked. Kirk nodded.

"Alright. You just stay there and relax. As soon as Mr. Farrell gets back here, I can give you something for that. Mr. Kyle has some water if you want it." Kirk nodded again and slowly sat up as Kyle handed him a glass of water. Kirk took it and drank it.

Spock watched on, his mind flooded with too many thoughts.  He had always known that his captain suffered from a little high blood pressure, but most starship captains did. It was part of the job, but Kirk had always seemed to manage it, with some success. Spock pulled McCoy to one side.

"Doctor, what happened? The captain's blood pressure has never been that high.  Those levels could kill him."

McCoy nodded.  "I'm going to go out on a limb here Spock and say that it is because of the pregnancy."

"What?"

"Don't look so surprised. It's call Pregnancy Induced Hypertension and even without the testing I'm gonna say Kirk has it.  It naturally affects those who have high blood pressure anyways and we both know that's our captain. It's not uncommon, but I have never seen a case so sever."

Spock looked back to the bed where he watched Kirk being fussed over by Mr. Kyle, who Spock noticed seemed too comfortable touching _his_ t'hy'la. He turned his attention back to Doctor McCoy when the doctor cleared his throat.  The human was frowning deeply and looked as if he was trying to say something.

"Spock," McCoy started and paused biting his lower lip.

Spock raised an eyebrow.  "Yes, Doctor."

"Spock, I'm wondering if we shouldn't go ahead and - abort the child."

Spock didn't even think about it, but replied quickly, "No."

"Spock, think about this," McCoy said beseechingly.

"No," Spock repeated

"Spock, I can only give the captain so much medication before I put him and the baby at risk.  There's still time to do this and save the captain." McCoy's lower jaw had thrust out showing his bottom teeth.  Spock knew the man was trying to help, he was doing his job, and the captain was at risk...

_That is my child and my mate. I will not be denied either._

Spock shook his head. "No, doctor. We will find another way." McCoy narrowed his eyes, but said nothing else, instead moving back to the bed. Mr. Farrell had since returned with the hypo and McCoy took it from him without a word, pushing it against Kirk's neck. Kirk hissed as the plunger was pushed down and when the hypo was removed his rubbed the spot where it has just been.

"That's gonna bruise, but it should help. Now, I'm going to need you get to sickbay to run the proper tests, but I'm going to go ahead and say you have PIH. I'm going to prescribe for you a low dosage of blood pressure meds, but it's not going to be enough to keep you on the bridge of your ship. We all knew that eventually you would need to be taken off duty when you started to show,  but because of what just happened, I'm taken you off duty as of this moment and  for now you are confined to your quarters."

The silence in the room was deafening and all eyes seemed to be on McCoy, except Spock's who was watching Kirk's mouth drop open, shaking his head in disbelief.  "You can't do that. Who will run my ship?" Kirk's tone was low and desperate sounding. McCoy's gaze turned toward Spock before lowering to the floor.

"Spock will have command, at least on the bridge. I'm sure you can still handle the reports and things like that, but everything you do is to be done from this room."  As McCoy spoke, Kirk stared off into distance in wide-eyed horror. Spock stepped nearer to the bed and angled his head to one side.

"James, are you alright?" He did not know what to expect from his captain and was relieved when Kirk shut his eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"Everyone get out, now." He spoke softly and carefully, indicating that his temper was recharging for another burst of rage.  Everyone muttered "Okays" and "good night captains" as they shuffled their way out the door.

"Not you, Mr. Spock. I need to have a word with you" Spock's own progress was stopped by his captain's command. Before he turned to look back at Kirk, he caught the eyes of Savsik and the doctor. From their expressions he wasn't sure which one pitied him more at that moment.

He returned to Kirk's bedside and looked down at the human who seemed to staring off into nothing, his brow twisted and his mouth pursed in anger.   Spock saw that when the captain turned to face him that his eyes were almost completely brown and narrowed at the sight of him.

"Captain?" Spock raised an eyebrow as Kirk stood up from the bed slowly and faced him. The human said nothing and his eyes never left Spock's face as he stood. They stayed like that for moment. Then Kirk suddenly pulled back his fist and aimed it at Spock's face.

Spock was not that surprised by the attack and made no move to deflect it, instead letting Kirk's fist plow into his left side turning his head to right. When he straightened, Kirk's other fist came at him, but Spock felt that he had indulged his captain enough for one evening. He caught the fist in midair and held it.

"What is the meaning of this, captain?" Spock asked levelly, still holding the fist as Kirk tried to pull it away from Spock's grip.

"Damn you, Spock. You couldn't just take me out in some normal fashion. You had to do this to me, so if I don't die from it, I can be found out and stripped of my command. You... I don't even have words for what you are, that is how pissed off I am right now."

Spock's brow knitted together and he frowned.  "I do not understand. Why do you think that this is an attempt on your life?"

Kirk narrowed his eyes and pulled his lips back from his teeth. "I overheard you talking to McCoy. I heard what he said. More importantly I heard you flat out refuse to abort this thing, even when it was pointed that carrying to term could kill me. So you tell me Mr. Spock, what else am I supposed to think?"

Spock narrowed his own eyes and pushed Kirk down on the bunk.  He heard his captain protest but he ignored it as he crawled on the bed and took a hold of one of Kirk's feet.  When Kirk pulled back the other foot to kick at him, Spock ducked the blow and continued with what he was doing.

Kirk's boot popped off and Spock threw it aside, doing the same with the other boot all the while staring at his captain. With both feet bare Spock took one of them in his hands and gently started to massage it.  From where he sat Kirk watched all this fascinated yet still angry.  In a last attempt to show his displeasure he tried to pull his foot out Spock's hand's but Spock merely tightened his hold and the act made Kirk yelp.  
"You say that all this is my attempt to do away with you, but tell me Captain, does this look like the act of someone that wants you dead?" Spock watched Kirk open and shut his mouth obviously thrown off by what Spock was doing. Spock continued.

"Your logic or lack thereof astounds me sometimes.  I have relayed to you many times that I do not want your command. Of course, let's say that I do want it for some reason unknown, why in Caesar's name would I go about taking it like this? Honestly James, if I wanted you dead, you be dead. Plain and simple. Now stop treating me like some power hungry underling and realize that this is happening and I want to help make it easier for you. Please, stop pushing me away."

"I. heard. you." Kirk emphasized each word and Spock could not help but to roll his eyes.

"Yes, yes captain. I am aware of what you heard, but you must understand that I have known Doctor McCoy much longer than you and therefore know that he has a tendency to overreact to things. He can be very excitable at times and it can reflect on his judgment.  Yes, I refused to abort the child, but in my defense he had already stated that he would give you medication for your condition and I wanted to see if that alleviated the problem. If it doesn't then I will agree to the good doctor's suggestion to end the pregnancy, but not before. The child is mine. I have a right to it."

"Even at the expense of me and my health?" Kirk growled.

"No Captain. As I said if the medication does not help, then we will terminate the pregnancy. Nothing is worth your safety."  Spock let go of the foot in his hand and picked up the other messaging it as carefully. He watched Kirk's expression soften and the captain blinked several times, doubt written all over his features.

"Nothing, Spock?" He asked and Spock heard the uncertainty in the tone of voice.

"Nothing, James. You are my captain.  I could not in good conscious put you in any real danger and if you were put in danger then I would do everything in my power to save you."

Kirk stared at Spock in disbelief and Spock held his captain's gaze. After a minute it was Kirk who looked away. Spock said nothing but continued with his task.  When finished set the foot aside and  placed his hand gently on Kirk's leg.

"Are you hungry, James? It has been awhile since you have eaten."

Kirk did not look back at Spock but nodded his head.  Spock quietly stood from the bed. "What would you like? A Salad, or a sandwich possibly?"

Kirk remained quiet.  Spock watched as the human seemed smaller than before and he started to wonder if he was doing the right thing.

_Of course I am. It would be illogical for me to do anything but what is right by him and myself. He will come around and it will be bliss for us both._

"Captain?"

Kirk finally turned his head towards him and when their eyes met Spock remembered that his captain could appear to be frail and small but was anything but.  Kirk's gaze was as firm as ever and the force of it made Spock straighten his shoulders.

"I would like some strawberries, Spock." Kirk's voice was cool and unyielding, but the sound of it soothed something inside Spock.

"Strawberries alone does not make a meal. I will bring you something more substantial to have with them."

Kirk blinked slowly and his nodded his head. "If you think that's best, fine, but I want strawberries."  
Spock nodded his understanding and left the captain's cabin. He returned shortly with a tray loaded with food and drink.   He sat down on the bed and gingerly place the tray on Kirk's lap. He watched Kirk peer at the tray, a frown marring the human's features.

"I don't want all this. I don't feel like spending the rest of the evening puking."

"I understand which is why I brought what I did. A bowl of plomeek soup with rice, some applesauce, a pot of tea and bowl of strawberries.   Most of the food on this tray is very mild in nature and should not upset your stomach. If you do feel ill you have your ginger candy to suck on and I can find you a box of crackers to nibble. Now please try to eat some of the soup and applesauce before you eat the strawberries. "

Kirk narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to say something but Spock cut him off, "If you do, you can have all the strawberries you want." That statement changed Kirk's whole demeanor.  His eyes widen.

"Really? As many as I want?"

Spock nodded and that was all the incentive that Kirk needed. So Spock watched happily as Kirk ate his dinner, finishing off all the soup and most of the applesauce.  Now the tray lay off to one side of the bed and Kirk cradled the bowl of Strawberries in his arms as he popped another of the red fruit in his mouth, a tiny moan escaping his lips as he chewed.  Spock had gone back to massaging his captain's feet and purring softly.

_This is paradise._

"Mr. Spock." Spock snapped out of his blissful state to find Kirk watching him closely. Slowly, but surely Kirk pulled his feet from Spock's grasp and tucked them under his body.

"I think you should go now," Kirk said.

Spock stood hurried and cleared his throat.  "As you wish, Captain. Before I go was there anything you needed."  Spock saw Kirk tilt his head to one side.

"There is one thing, Spock. Just because I am not going to fight you on certain things I will repeat what I said earlier. This changes nothing about how feel towards you or the _thing_ inside me. "

Spock swallowed and nodded. Kirk let a smile touch his lips as he continued to speak. "I also would like it said that I do blame you for this and I despise you for it.  That is all." With that Kirk popped another berry in his mouth his expression smug.

"Very well, Captain. I bid you good evening." Spock moved around the bed to the door of the fresher. Once he was in his cabin, he slumped against the door, blew out the breath he was holding and shut his eyes.

"My Lord?"

Spock opened his eyes and saw that he was not alone. Savsik was there putting clothes away in the dresser.  Spock stood straighter.

"Savsik, I did not expect to see you again this evening."  The other Vulcan put down the tunic he was holding and approached him slowly.

"Your yeoman came by with fresh uniforms and I told them I would put them away for you. My lord, what is troubling you?"

Spock avoided the probing expression of his guard. He straightened his shoulders and smoothed down the front of his uniform.   "Nothing. You of all people should know that."

Savsik's eyes moved from Spock, to behind him, and then back.  "What happened? What did he say to you?"

Spock shook his head. "Nothing for you to concern yourself with. Here I will finish that task and you may go."

"But my lord, you shouldn't need to trouble yourself with such a petty thing and you look as though you could use the company."

Spock sighed and saw the shock in his guard's eyes at such an open display of emotion. "Quite the contrary. I need to be alone right now and take a few moments peace. Please leave me."

Savsik nodded and without another word he left.  Spock finished putting away the uniforms and he readied himself for a shower. Normally he would have taken a sonic shower finding it practical and not as messy as an aqua based one, but this night he seemed to need something to soothe him physically. So he set the water as hot as it would go and stood under the spray.

Once clean, he dried, shaved and trimmed his beard.  He also tidied up the hair on the back of his neck and his sideburns noting that he would need to actually have his hair cut soon.  Then he brushed his teeth and cut his fingernails. He did all this while his mind churned.

_This isn't going to work_

**_Yes it is!_ **

_Maybe I should let him terminate the pregnancy_

**_No! It hasn't been enough time. The empire wasn't built in a day, so we too have need patience. He is already warming up to us._ **

_No, he despises me. He said so. He thinks I mean him harm._

**_But, he let us touch him. We rubbed his feet for how long while he ate?  Ate the food we brought him without a second thought. He is coming around. It will just take some time._ **

Spock stared at his reflection.

_He let me touch him. While he was eating._

**_Yes._ **

Spock moved out of the fresher and into his room thoughtful. He dressed in his robe and sat at his desk.  The barest hint of a smile touched his lips and his eyes were wide and bright.

_This is going to work._

  
**_Yes..._ **


	11. Chapter 11

"Captain?" Spock entered the captain' cabin and was puzzled that he did not see him anywhere in sight.  
"James?"  He cocked his head to one side and listen. He did not hear a reply but heard instead the sound of water running.  Spock nodded satisfied that his mate was in the shower and he set down the bowl of fresh strawberries he held on the desk.

They were now in the fourth month of the pregnancy and so far everything was going fine. The medicine that Doctor McCoy gave the captain was helping to manage his blood pressure to safe levels and there had been no other upsets. By this point Kirk had resigned himself to captivity but still threw the occasion fit. Mr. Kyle as it would turn out, would be a great help.

First off his sister Nini, who was a trained yogi, had sent them information about pre-natal yoga for the captain to do.  It was now part of the captain's, Spock's and Mr. Kyle's morning routine.  Mr. Farrell had started out doing it with them each day, but the large man soon found that his time was better spent having breakfast.

Another thing was Mr. Kyle's uncle who was a dietitian and was more than happy to confer with Dr. McCoy in planning healthy meals for the captain to consume to get as many nutrients as possible from food instead of vitamin injections.  Then there was Steven, Mr. Kyle's' cousin, who had taken to contacting the captain every day to commiserate on the woes of carrying a child. Of course Kirk did not speak with the man, but Spock did and he found the information he provided to be useful and not found in any texts he had read on pregnancy.

Then there was Mr. Kyle himself, who as it turned out, was warm, friendly, and wonderfully supportive.  All these things made him an oddity and his sanity was often questioned, but no one could deny the calming effect he had on Kirk. Not even Spock who some days  want nothing more than to bash Mr. Kyle over the head for being so friendly with his mate. But Spock did managed take this in stride, Even if the ever growing bond between the captain and the lieutenant was making him see green, simply because Mr. Kyle wasn't the only one getting closer to the Captain.

In the last few weeks Kirk had gone from threatening Spock for the tiniest infraction to actually seeming to be happy to see him at the end of the day or during lunch when Spock stop by to check on him. Spock liked to think it wasn't because he always brought a large bowl of strawberries and that Kirk didn't just want him to rub his feet or massage his back.  Spock liked to think that his captain was actual growing attached to him.  

Of course today he was bringing more than just strawberries. Spock placed one hand on his left breast feeling the lump there under his tunic. This would help move things along in the right direction he knew.  He took a seat at Kirk's desk and waited for his captain to come out from the shower.

  
There was buzz at the cabin door and Spock raised an eyebrow as Mr. Kyle walked in unannounced.  
"Captain!  I hope I'm not bothering you, but I was wondering -- Oh hello Mr. Spock." The blonde smiled and waved to Spock. Spock narrowed his eyes.

"Hello Mr. Kyle. What are you doing here? How did you open the captain's door without the security code?"

"Oh, the Captain gave it to me. Is the captain available? I wanted to ask him something."

Spock almost sputtered, so surprised at Mr. Kyle's statement. "He _gave_ you the code to his cabin?"  
Mr. Kyle smiled, nothing but pure warmth and amity radiating off him.

"That's right. I suggested it because he shouldn't have to get up to let me into his quarters when I come check on him, since Dr. McCoy wants him to rest as much as possible."

Spock simply stared. There were only three people that had access to the captain's quarters: Mr. Farrell, Dr. McCoy and himself.  Of course they all had logical reasons for having that kind of access, but now Mr. Kyle had it too and Spock couldn't comprehend why.  He shut his eyes to quell the ire building inside him.  When he opened them again Mr. Kyle was watching him, concern on his face.

"Mr. Spock, are you alright?"

Spock wanted to take the man's agonizer and hold it to his chest till his heart stopped, but he clasped his hands in his lap and blinked slowly.

"Of course. Why would I be anything else?"  This made Mr. Kyle smile again and Spock imagined knocking all the human's teeth out and forcing him to swallow every last one.

  
"Of course you are, Sir.  Sorry.  I guess I'm on high alert what with always worrying about the captain and all." Spock became tense, but Mr. Kyle did not seem to notice.

"Mr. Spock, do you know if the captain has any old tunics that I could have?"

"Why do you want to know? What do you have planned for them?"  Spock did not stop himself in time as he leaped from the chair and snarled, making Mr. Kyle's blue eyes widen greatly.  Spock towered over the human his nostrils flared.  To his credit, Mr. Kyle only winced and squirmed under the Vulcan's gaze.

"It's something for the baby, Mr. Spock. I wanted to collect pieces of both yours and captain's tunics. Please don't make me tell you, because it will ruin the surprise."

"For the baby?" At the mention of the child Spock calmed down and he peered around the room feeling the shame of losing control like that.  What was he thinking? Mr. Kyle was trying to do something nice for his child and he was acting out in this insane fashion. Why?

**_Because, he is a little too friendly with our t'hy'la. It is unacceptable._ **

Spock cleared his throat and took a step back from the human.  Mr. Kyle watched him nervously.

"You wish to make something for the child? How thoughtful of you.  I know that I have few old tunics that you may have and I'm sure that the captain does too. I will ask him once he comes out of his shower and you may stop by my quarters later tonight to retrieve them." Spock slowly, sat back down and noticed that his whole body was shaking.  Mr. Kyle had moved closer to the door, not taking his eyes off the Vulcan.

"Thank you, Mr. Spock. I will go then, because that's all I needed."   Spock watched as Mr. Kyle dashed out the open door when it opened, then he sighed and slumped in the chair. He cannot be so jealous of Kirk, not like this. It was not logical and it was exhausting.  

All of a sudden there was a loud thump from within the fresher.  The chair that Spock had been sitting in fell over as he stood quickly and ran toward the fresher, fear that something just happened to his mate tearing at his control. He burst into the fresher his eyes widened in panic.

"James!" He shouted as he crossed to the shower and wrenched open the door to the shower stall.  He was met with the surprised gaze of his captain.

"James." Spock breathed out, relief washing over him.

"Spock, just what in the hell are you doing?  Have you lost your goddamnned mind?"

"No. I heard a thump and I thought maybe that you had been injured."  Spock's eyes trailed over his captain.  The human was pressed to the wall of the shower and at first it would seem that he had readied himself for a fight, his hands fisted, his body tense, but Spock realized that wasn't the case at all. The tightly balled fights were curled around a towel that Kirk was holding over his body.

This confused Spock. His captain was not one for modesty, having been known to parade around the locker room of the ship's gym completely nude, encouraging the others to stare and ogle.  So this wasn't like him at all...

Spock continued to watch his captain as he tried to explain this odd behavior.  Kirk seemed to saying something to him, but Spock did not hear him, because he was too occupied with the way Kirk held the towel. It was only covering one area -- his abdomen. Spock raised his eyes to Kirk's which had gone wide again and he stepped closer to the human.

"James?"  Spock positioned himself so that he stood toe to toe with the captain with Kirk's body pressed as flat to wall as he could get it.  There was a flush to his captain's face that excited Spock and he felt his tongue dance briefly over his lips.  Kirk seemed to be holding the towel like shield between them.

"Spock. Get out, now. That’s an order."  Kirk barked out the words, but they did not seem to hold their normal bite, so Spock disregarded them. He was intrigued to say the least as his eyes settled once again on Kirk's mid-section.  The towel was rumpled into a ball in Kirk's fists and it seemed to distort the actual size of his captain's belly.  Spock found this to be maddening.

He took the towel in one hand and ripped it away from Kirk, his other hand holding Kirk to wall. The towel pulled away easily and Kirk gasped in horror that his cover was gone.  Spock's eyes widen at the sight before him; His captain in all his glory, his beauty only heighten by the more than noticeable girth around his waist.

"Spock." Spock raised his eyes back level to those of his captain at the sound of his name. The hazel orbs were impossibly wide now, the lovely cheeks hot and red, the beautiful mouth actually trembling.

"Spock, leave. Get out."  Spock noticed that Kirk didn't raise his voice and the words seemed to shake. Spock peered at his captain, one eyebrow arching upwards.

"James?"  Kirk turned his head to one side, the blush to his face deepening.

"Don't look at me," he said in whisper.  Spock's nostrils flared and he let out tiny growl.

"That is not fair, k'diwa. How you can tell me not to look at you, when you are all that I can see?"

Spock took his free hand and placed it to the side of Kirk's face gently guiding his captain to look at him again.  The hand stayed there for a time, only the thumb moving over Kirk's lips as they continued to quiver and shake.

"If I cannot look at you, may I touch you?"  Spock did not wait for an answer before he slid his hand down Kirk's neck, the fingers grazing the skin as they moved over his chest and it all rested on the human's distend abdomen.

The hand stilled before it glided to one side of the budge and down then back up making a full circle.  Spock licked his lips again his breathing coming in fast and shallow. He watched as Kirk seemed to mimic him.  There was jerk in Spock's beard as his lips twisted into something akin to a smile.

"Is this better?" He cooed to his now panting captain.

"Spock, please... I..." Kirk seemed to be for a loss for words and Spock's noticed for as much as his captain protested him being there earlier, the human had made not real attempt to push him away. He peered intently into Kirk's face while his hand continued to caress his stomach.

"Maybe then there is something else that you will allow? I know..."  His words came out almost a purr and he lowered himself down to his knees before Kirk.  With both hands Spock gripped the swollen mound and softly pressed his lips to it.  There was a sound from above him as Kirk gasped.

He laid another kiss in a different place, and then again. He placed Kiss after Kiss on Kirk's stomach till he came across a faint purple line in the skin.  Spock ran a finger over it slowly and peered up at Kirk, who was panting hard now, his pupils blown wide, and his neck the same red flush as his face.  Spock inhaled sharply feeling his blood start to pool in his groin.

"James, I found a stretch mark. You are getting so big already and we still have several months to go." He stopped and mouthed the dome at the belly button before he pulled back to admire the sight of the flesh quaking before him.

"How delightful," Spock cooed as he nuzzled the spot and then traced his tongue over the scar he had found before. Kirk let out a low moan and Spock's penis, more than fully erect now, twitched at the sound.

Spock continued his ministrations on the swollen mass, laying down kisses here and there. His tongue exploring the flesh like uncharted terrain, occasionally nuzzling the skin, whispering to both Kirk and tiny being inside all the words of love and devotion he had ever learned.

Above him, Kirk moaned and chanted his name like a prayer, but the tone started to change. The voice became harsher, angrier, and more aggressive.  He tried to ignore it but it was nagging at something inside his mind.  He decided perhaps it was time to leave the fresher. He would stand and lift Kirk in his arms, and like the old earth traditions state he would carry his mate over the threshold and to bed.

He would declare his love and dedication to his captain, while Kirk would blush and return his affection. He would propose to him there in the captain's cabin and Kirk would accept, his hazel eyes large and golden. Then they would consummate their love, with Spock linking their minds so that they could share in each other's pleasure and joy.  He would then give his captain his gift and they would rest in each other's arms as they pick out names for the baby.

The thought of all this made Spock quiver with glee and he moved to stand. That was when the cold water hit him full blast.   An Involuntary "AHHH," escaped his lips and he shivered under the freezing waters. Then the water was gone and Spock dripping wet, noticed his captain. Kirk's glared at him, his eye narrowed and his face red, not from passion, but from rage.  The towel was gone, but one of Kirk's arms was over his stomach the other now pulling back from the taps.

"What the fuck is wrong with you that you cannot follow a direct order?  I swear if I have to I will have you confined to sickbay to be evaluated, or I might just send you to the fucking brig and damn the consequences."   Spock crossed his arms over his chest and blinked the water from his eye, shivering.

"James? What happened? I seem to have..." Spock found that he couldn't finish that sentence. Kirk worked his jaw as he spoke.

"You tell me, Spock? I ordered you out of the fresher, so I could finish my shower and you jerked my towel from me, and then moved in like you're going to eat me?"

"I what?" Spock shook his head unsure of what was happening. Kirk pushed him and he staggered out of the shower.

"It doesn't matter. Now that you are back to your senses, go to your quarters and stay there.  I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.  Do you understand me?"  Spock shivered and hung his head.

"Yes captain," He muttered and he moved through the door that connected to his cabin.  Even after the door shut behind him he could hear the ranting of his captain about what a crazy fucked up creature he was.  Changing out of his dripping uniform to fresh one, Spock sat in front of his fire pot and tried to think.

_It had seemed so real... what is wrong with me?_

**_Nothing. This was just a minor misstep but we are fine.  We will go see him later and make nice._ **

_He said not to come back tonight..._

**_Ahhh, yes but we still need to present him with his gift. After that all will be forgiven._ **

Spock shook his head at this. That did not seem logical, but the idea persisted in his mind.  He took a deep breath feeling very tired. Apparently there were things more exhausting than being jealous over his mate.

*****

  
Doctor McCoy lit another cigarette as he sat in office. Technically he was only permitted to smoke in his quarters but the air filters in office were good enough that he could get away with the occasional light up there and not bother his patients.  He took a long drag and exhaled slowly, the act itself having a calming effect on him.  He picked up the PADD in front of him and continued to read over the report in display

It was true that the captain's state was being kept under wraps and nothing official was being documented, but McCoy was a scientist as well as a doctor. He had been keeping records on his personal PADD to study.  Kirk was in the second trimester and McCoy was not surprised to see the changes in the captain's body. The spores that had infected him had done their job well. Not only had they established a working uterus and ovaries, but had worked to make Kirk's body adapt to the pregnancy.

So far there was no damage to his internal organs, the proper hormones were being released, and the skin had become more elastic and even the cartilage in his joints had become more supple.  All for the sake of make Kirk's body better equipped to handle something he was never meant to do.  McCoy shook his head.  It was crazy and not at all logical, but it seemed to be working, so long as the captain was monitored.

Truth be known it wasn't really Kirk that worried him. It was Spock.  McCoy knew that Spock had something to do with this and had he known that his friend was this unstable he would have never told him the story about his cousin. But who would have ever guessed that , Spock, man who was part Vulcan, raised in one of the highest noble houses on Vulcan, top of his class in the academy, highly decorated officer as well as one of the empire's most prized scientist, and the most logical no nonsense person aboard the Enterprise would do something so...well fucked up.  It boggled the mind.

Now the trick was to see both Spock and Kirk through this. It was hard to say how far Spock would take this and what would become of Kirk and baby if things went south. McCoy had once witnessed the full force of Spock in an emotional state left unchecked.  

It had been back when they were still dating and they had attended a party together.  Back then Spock had a tiny silver vial on chain that he kept filled with pure cocoa powder. Spock used to snort the stuff back then and he had indulged pretty heavily that night.

Enough so that when McCoy had drunkenly stumbled into someone and almost got in to fight because of it, Spock had grabbed the guy by the collar and slammed his face in a nearby wall. If the other party goers had not stopped him, Spock would have pounded that guy' head into hamburger. As it was the guy had to have reconstructive surgery on his face once he regained consciousness and that had taken several days.

McCoy had told Spock what had happened the next day. Spock had been horrified at this and he threw away little vial and swore off cocoa in all its forms.  The amount of control the Vulcan lost that night had opened his eyes and he had fought harder to maintain his controls from that point on.

Maybe that was what had drove McCoy to Jocelyn, who had been just some girl in a sleazy bar in San Francisco. After the party Spock had become distant and gun shy with his affection, so the company of pretty girl who laughed and smiled so easily-- well one could say that she had been a breath of fresh air.

Of course drunk in a sleazy bar in San Francisco was not the best state for making decisions and when she had invited him back to her apartment for drinks it was almost no contest. It was another story when he woke up in the early hours of the morning, hung-over and naked in her bed. McCoy had dressed quickly and quietly, before hightailing back to the academy grounds. He had just made back to his room, when Spock had knocked on his door wanting to go to breakfast.

He had pleaded that he was not feeling well, which hadn't been a lie and begged off.  Spock had replied to him the most logical way. He had pushed inside the door and together they had piled up on McCoy's sofa in front of the holoscreen and watched their favorite show, _Imperial Gladiators,_ all day.  Spock did not hide behind his control that day either. He had confessed to McCoy that he had become too distant and wanted to make it up to his _petakov._

McCoy had felt like a complete ass  the whole time and swore that Spock would never find out about his infidelity, but a month later all that changed when Jocelyn found him and told him that she was pregnant and was sure it was his.

Sighing, McCoy put down his PADD and went to take another puff of his cigarette but during the course of his walked down memory lane it had burned down to the filter.  He set it into the ashtray on his desk and scrubbed his face with his hands.  Yes he knew what Spock was capable of, both as a lover and fighter.  It saddened McCoy greatly that he had fucked things up between them.

_Now Spock has moved on. Let's face it; Kirk is still young, handsome, and charming. All the things I used to be. No wonder Spock wants him over me. That he is willing to go to such lengths to have him for himself. I'm just a washed up old man and a bad memory._

This thought made McCoy's heart constrict inside his chest and behind his hands he squeezed his eyes shut.  After a minute he lowered his hands and took a deep breath. None of that mattered now. What mattered was seeing that this baby was born with little to no complications. As far as he was concerned Spock and Kirk could both take a hike, but he would do right by both them and their child. If for no other reason than because he was a doctor and it was his duty.


	12. Chapter 12

_There is nothing wrong with I'm doing.  I am sure that there are plenty of people that eavesdrop on their mates at three in morning._

Spock pressed to the door of the fresher that lead to his captain's quarters and for the seventh time that night felt blood rush to his face in embarrassment.  It wasn't that he was really nosy. Vulcans were never nosy. He just wanted to make sure James was alright, that he was safe, that Mr. Kyle was not in the room with him. All perfectly logical.

The main reason that Spock had spent the last few hours standing at the fresher door was because as much as he wanted to he did not want to attempt to go back into his captain's cabin tonight. James had been quite angry with him earlier and there was no sense in upsetting him farther.

**_Coward_ **

_I am not. I am obeying the orders of my captain._

**_He is our mate. He only thinks that he is upset with us. That he doesn't want to see us. He doesn't realize it yet but he needs and wants us around._ **

_That makes no sense..._

**_Not now, but it will once we go in there and win him back over!_ **

Spock ignored that and continued to listen at the door. He heard movement. In fact it would seem that James had not gone to sleep yet.

**_His back hurts. He can't sleep...We should go in there and offer to massage it. He would be so grateful. He always is._ **

That seemed logical and James was always in a better mood after a massage.  Spock leaned back from door and looked at it frowning still hesitant to disturb his captain.  

**_Of course he could just COMM Mr. Kyle to rub his back..._ **

Narrowing his eyes at this thought Spock punched the controls to the door and stepped through with no hesitation.  Walking past the empty bunk and rounding the privacy screen Spock laid eyes on his captain as his desk, a mess of a sandwich halfway to his mouth. Kirk glared at Spock from where he sat not moving then he dropped the sandwich and stood.

"I thought I told you that I did not want to see you again," Kirk bellowed.  Spock froze for moment taking in the sight of his captain, his rounded belly peeking out from under his gray t-shirt that was just a hair too small and the waistband of his sweatpants sitting low on his waist.  Spock cleared his throat and slowly, he approached the desk placing his hands behind his back.

"You did, but I was using the facilities and I could not help to but to hear you moving around. It is late and you should be resting," He said. At this Kirk's expression did not soften, but he did suddenly look tired. He sat back down, awkwardly pulling at his shirt.

"I was hungry," he mumbled lowering his eyes.  Spock stepped closer to the desk and pulled the extra chair closer to where James sat.  He sat down as Kirk gave him a sideways glance.

"I am given to understand that increased appetite is normal and that food cravings can occur at odd times, so that is logical."  Spock moved his head to try to peer in his captain's face.

"Okay. Well, you know why I'm up, so you can leave now," Kirk said.  That stung, but Spock chose to ignore it and instead reach down and lifted one of Kirk's feet into his lap.

"Hey! Just what do you think you are doing?" Kirk shouted. Spock took his thumbs and dug them into the bottom of Kirk's foot, watching his captain's expression change to one of pure bliss, while an indecent moan escaped his lips.

"You are supposed to keep your feet elevated, James," Spock said running his hand over a swollen ankle. "If you do not comply, I will have Dr. McCoy brought in here to explain, _again_ , to you why it is important."  He continued to stroke and message the appendage and Spock felt the joy that simple touch brought.

Even though Kirk had been allowing him to massage his feet and back, Spock was not permitted to touch anything else and sex was completely out of the question. In the first two months Spock did not mind but when Kirk started to show, Spock soon found he was fascinated and aroused by the growing bulge that was his captain's stomach.

The situation in the fresher had not helped matters and once Spock realized he had regained all his senses, he pleasured himself while thinking about rubbing his cock over Kirk rounded belly until he came. The image in Spock's mind of Kirk, sprawled on his back, caressing his cum covered belly, had been too much for Spock.  He had ejaculated then, so hard that he cried out and when finished, there were tears in his eyes.  Spock had never wanted his beloved captain more than now and he knew that in the next few months as Kirk's belly continued to swell his desire would only grow stronger.

Kirk half-hearted tried to yank his foot back, but Spock's grip on it was secure.  "James, please. Let me do this for you. Relax, eat your sandwich."  Spock looked into Kirk's face which was marred by a sour expression.

"Fine," Kirk growled and he slumped into his chair and picked up his meal again, taking a large bite out it.   Spock looked on pleased and then he caught sight what was in the sandwich.

"James, is that peanut butter and pimento cheese?" He fought hard to get the disgust out of his voice and his stomach roiled.  Kirk swallowed the bite his was chewing and looking slightly abashed, nodded.

"Yeah, with bananas, mayo and green olives. On grilled rye."   Kirk's face reddened slightly and Spock felt he should say something.

"Is it enjoyable?" He asked tentatively, not sure he wanted the answer.  Across from him Kirk's eyes became wide.

"Oh my gods, yes, and I don't know why.  It has to be most disgusting thing I could put in my mouth, but I can't get enough.  This is my second one that is how good this is."

Spock let a tiny smile creep on his lips as and the nausea now forgotten; he basked in the sight of his mate.  "Well, James, if you like you can always blame it on the baby," he cooed. If Kirk heard Spock's tone, he did not react to it.

"Oh believe me I am. I am putting full blame on you and this fucking rat for making me eat shit like this and get fat."  Suddenly Spock's moment of happiness was gone as the reality that his beloved believed their child to be a misfortune, and one he blamed Spock for. Spock lowered the foot in his hands and picked up the other one.

"But, you are not fat. You are pregnant and I think that it suits you,"   Spock said as Kirk met his eye and peered at him like he was insane.

"First off," Kirk said as he put down his sandwich and held up a finger, "I am fat.  This," Here he turned in his chair to show Spock his developing love handles, "is fat. Look at my chest Spock. I have man-tits for fucks sake. Second off, what do you mean it suits me? No it doesn't. It doesn't suit anyone, you stupid Vulcan."

The harsh tone of Kirk's voice hit Spock hard and he almost winced.  Instead he took a deep breath and tried to soothe his captain. "I only meant that you are looking well. Over the past few months your hair as developed a glossier sheen and the other day when you were screaming at Mr. Farrell, I noticed that your complexion looked quite remarkable."

Kirk huffed and glowered at this. "That is great, Spock. I'm miserable , not allowed to command my ship, while my body is distorted and ruined by something that shouldn't even be possible, but hey, at least my hair's shiny and my skin looks nice. Fuck you!"

"I was merely trying to make you feel better," Spock said as he ran a hand over Kirk's calf. Across from him Kirk's might have laughed.

"You sound like Mr. Kyle. Ouch!" Kirk's glared at Spock, who at the mention of Mr. Kyle, involuntary squeezed his captain's ankle.  Spock swallowed and quickly issued an apology. Kirk merely rolled his eyes and went back to his sandwich.  They sat in silence for a while before Spock spoke again.

"You and Mr. Kyle seem to get along well. Do you enjoy his company, James?"  From where he sat chewing the last bite for his meal, Kirk shrugged.

"I don't know. He's alright. He's better than your guard, who just glares at me like I've done something wrong, and he's better than Mr. Farrell, who while a damn fine guard, he makes for shitty company. He flinches every time I open my mouth."

Spock almost smiled at that. "That is because you have been yelling at him nonstop for the last two weeks."

"Yeah, whatever.  I guess to answer your question, Yeah; I do like having him around."  Spock felt his heart constrict and he wanted to whimper.  His t'hy'la enjoyed someone else's company. What a cruel thing to have happened.

"Of course, he's still weird. I mean, he thinks I should be hopping around giddy about this baby. He keeps asking me what we're gonna name it, if we've told our families yet, whether we're are hoping for a boy or girl. I finally told him that I didn't want anything to do with the damned thing and he would be better off asking you these daft questions.  Of course, I really shouldn't expect anything else from someone that comes from a background like his. Do you know Spock that his family has the outrageously large family reunions every year? Every year! They get together, play games, take pictures, and ask each other what they have been up to. It's so strange. And he's got holos of his whole fucking family. There's like dozens of them. It's not a family, it's a small army and I was forced to sit one day while he showed me his holo albums. It was so boring and for fucks sake he knows all their damn names. it's just sooo... Odd.  I have no idea how someone that strange ended up on my ship, but -- Ugh!"

Spock blinked at his captain and felt a touch of hope. What did he have to be worried about? Mr. Kyle apparently was a freak, albeit, it would seem a well adjusted freak but a freak never the less.   Spock beamed at his captain and for a moment it would seem that Kirk reciprocated. The barest hint of a smile touched Kirk's lips and he sighed.

"At least there is you, Spock."

"Me, James?"

Kirk nodded and snorted. "Yeah, as fucking off your rocker as you have been lately, you're still nowhere near as weird as Mr. Kyle and you've not let me down."

"I do try. I know that this is not what you wanted, so it is the least I can do. In fact, I have something that I need to give you." Spock reached up, unhooked the front of his jacket and slid his hand inside.  When it came back out again it held a tiny white box that he promptly handed to his bewildered captain.

"What is this?" Kirk asked.

"It is a token of my appreciation. I hope you like it," Spock said hopefully as Kirk glanced at him one last time before turning his attention back to the box in his hand. He opened it and became still as he peered down into it. Spock sat and waited, holding his breath.  Finally Kirk looked at him, his eyes questioning and distrustful.  

"Spock, what is this?"

"It is just what I said. It is my way of saying thank you, James. Thank you for carrying my child. For dealing with the burden, so that I might carry on my bloodline." Gently Spock lowered Kirk's foot to the floor and stood.  Before Kirk could speak, Spock came up behind him, a hand taking the little white box from Kirk's fingers.

Gracefully and deftly Spock removed from the box a silver chain, it links large and fat, and unhooked the toggle tag. Carefully he placed the chain around Kirk's neck, with Kirk raising a hand to grip the chain, incase Spock decided to use it for more malicious intent. But he relaxed as Spock's fingers caressed his own and he lowered his hand allowing Spock to arrange the chain, with the hook in the front as it was designed to be worn.  It rested on Kirk's collar and the symbol for the empire lay just below the hallow of his throat.

Reluctantly, Spock drew back his fingers, as Kirk rose from his chair and moved to his dresser to peer into the tiny mirror there.  He stood there for several seconds, just staring at his reflection, tilting his head this way and that. And holding his breath, Spock waited, whether for appreciation or rejection he did not know.  Finally Kirk turned back toward his first officer and blinking several times, he spoke.

"What do you want, Spock?" His voice was low and cautious. Spock frowned.

"I do not understand. I do not want anything, but what I said. Please, accept this gift James as my way of showing my gratitude."

_Please stop shutting me out. Please let me love you. Please, please, please._

For the longest time, Kirk said nothing, and then he smiled.  "I'm going to blame the hormones for this, so don't get mushy on me or anything, but thank you."

All at once Spock felt his knees grow weak and he locked them into place to keep from falling at his captain's feet.  Instead he nodded to Kirk making sure to keep his eyes locked on his captain.

"Thanks are not needed from you, James, but they are welcome." He poured everything into his voice then and he watched as Kirk seemed to respond.  He stepped closer to Kirk, his need, lust and adoration pouring off him like a flood. Was he imagining things, or did it seem that his captain's breathing was increasing, that his pupils were dilating?

Stopping right before he reached his captain, Spock assumed his typical stance before Kirk and looked at him intently.  And Kirk peered back at him. For the briefest of moments, it would seem that Spock's dreams had come true, then that all crashed down as Kirk shook his head, scrubbing his face with his hands.

"Fuck, I'm tired," He said as he dragged his hands down his face.  "I'm going to bed.  Good night, Spock." And the moment was over. Spock nodded his head and muttered out goodnight as Kirk turned his back on him to make his way to his bunk. Spock, wallowing in his disappointment, made his way towards the fresher to return to his quarters.

"Spock." Stopping Spock turned to face his Captain. Kirk seemed conflicted as he spoke.

"Spock, would you...I ...Look my back is killing me, so could you..."   

"Of course, James. Lay down on your side."  Spock pivoted on his toes turning back into the room as Kirk made himself comfortable on the bed.  Slowly Spock crawled in behind his captain. As his hands went to Kirk's lower back, he heard a heavy exhale of relief as he knead at the muscles.  As Kirk sighed and moaned softly, Spock worked his hands into his captain's flesh, pondering to himself.

_Perhaps this is as close as I can get... This isn't so bad._

**_No, this is not that bad, but wait, it will get better. He is coming around and soon we will have our t'hy'la. We must have patience._ **

_Yes..._

This made Spock shut his eyes and purr softly, before he realized he was doing it. Fortune would have it that Kirk was already asleep, snoring quietly.  For a moment Spock considered staying in the bed with Kirk, snuggling under the covers and cuddling up to his captain.  He decided against it, knowing that it would be pushing his luck, so carefully he slipped out of the bunk, but not before he placed a gentle kiss on Kirk's head.

"Goodnight t'hy'la. Sleep well." Then as an afterthought he placed a hand on Kirk's abdomen.

"Night, my kan-bu."  


	13. Chapter 13

"Will you stop glaring at me?"

Savsik shifted in his seat but did not avert his eyes from the captain, who was now actively meeting his gaze.

"I am not "glaring at you", Captain. I am following the orders of my master to keep a vigilant eye on you."

_Even if he will no longer see reason, that he will not desist in this madness. I am right and loyal. I will obey my master._

Kirk narrowed his eyes but went back to his PADD, checking off the fuel reports that had been forwarded to him.  Around his neck, the chain he wore glinted in the light, making Savsik see green.

_My lord bought that for you and you do not deserve it. You are worthless. You are repulsive and in a just universe, my master would cut your throat and defile your corpse._

Savsik shut his eyes and attempted to close down his thoughts, these _feelings_ he was experiencing lately. First his master was compromised and now it would seem that he was too. All because of that human.   Savsik continued to seethe, when the door to the cabin opened and in walked Spock.

At the sight of his master, Savsik suddenly forgot his rage, but it was short lived as Spock did not acknowledge him, but instead made straight to where Kirk was sitting.   He watched as Kirk barely looked up from what he was doing as he issued a greeting.

"Mr. Spock."

_Is that all you can muster for the father of your child, you worm?_

"Captain, how are you feeling today?"  Savsik watched his master stand directly beside the captain's chair and beam, yes; beam down at the human as if he was something wonderful and precious. It made him want to grind his teeth.

"I'm fine.  Thank you Spock."

_Oh yes just fine. Sitting there like you are a gift to be worshipped. You disgust me._

"I am pleased to hear that. I apologize that I was not able to spend time with you this morning but events on the bridge prevented that."

_Do not apologize to him, master. You owe him nothing!_

"Don't apologize, Spock. I want you on that bridge. Nothing is to happen to my ship, do you understand me." Kirk finally did look up from his PADD, the expression on his face serious and unwavering.

_Oh yes, your precious ship, Captain. What you would not sacrifice for your ship? My master? Your child? The whole of the empire?_

"Of course Captain, I understand completely -- I brought you some strawberries."

This time when Kirk looked up, he eyes were wide and hopeful. "You brought me strawberries?" It was enough that Savsik actually rolled his eyes.

_Of course he did, you stupid cow. He always brings you strawberries and you consume them like the fat wanton creature you are._

"Have you eaten, Captain?" Spock asked.

_Yes, everything in his path._

"I haven't had lunch yet, if that is what you're asking?"

"Then let me get you something. What would you care for, captain?"

_What wouldn't he care for? That would be a shorter list._

"Spock, what is with this sudden overuse of my title? You don't need be so formal in my cabin."

"Forgive me", and here Savsik could have started foaming at the mouth, but his control was still somewhat intact, thank Surak for that, "But last evening you had expressed quite strongly that I was to stop being so familiar with you. That you, quote, "were the captain and you would be addressed as such, as well as treated with the utmost respect.'  I am merely trying to comply with your wishes."

The captain surprised Savsik, by looking slightly abashed. "About that Spock....I... Look I was tired, hungry, hormonal and horny as fuck.  I had just spent the better part of twenty minutes being yelled at by Doctor McCoy for what I had for lunch and then there was Mr. Kyle play white fucking knight and then you show up and throw in your two cents. I just couldn't take anymore."

"I understand and I will address you in any manner you see fit."  Inside, Savsik felt something whimper at those words as he watched the eyes of his master lock with those of the captain.

In that moment it would seem that they were the only two people in the whole empire and what had then only been crying before, now died when Savsik heard Kirk whisper, "James, Spock. Call me by my name, at least here, okay."

As if that wasn’t bad enough but then he heard his master reply, "As you wish, James." Savsik  watched as Spock raised his hand to Kirk's face, two finger extended in the ozh'esta, and he bit down on his tongue to keep from crying out. It was a relief when Kirk pulled away and averted his eyes.

"Yes, that will do Spock­­--Now about lunch, would you find out if the replicators are programmed to produce kimchi?"

Spock lowered his hand and Savsik knew that the raised eyebrow was not a show of puzzlement but an attempt to hide disappointment.  " Kimchi, James? I will do that at once."

"Very good, Spock." Kirk's voice was neutral and as much as Savsik hated seeing his master crushed, he delighted in the captain's blatant disregard for Spock's feelings.

_It will be for the best in the long run. The more the captain turns him away the less infatuated the master will be._

"Spock..."

Savsik felt his lungs constrict as his master turned from the door of the cabin to set eyes on the captain, who was turned facing him completely, a hand raised to his neck, his fingers caressing the silver chain.

"Spock, did I thank you for my gift?"

"You did, James."  Bile rose in Savsik throat as the captain smiled broadly and fluttered, yes, fluttered his lashes.

"Oh, then may I say it again?"  Spock's eyes widened and his nostrils flared as he gave the captain a smoldering stare.  
"You may say it as many times as you like, James.  It pleases me that you find my humble offerings so enjoyable. Now, please excuse me, while I procure for you your lunch."

"Very well, Spock. Carry on."

Spock turned again to exit the room, but he did so slowly, dragging out the moment when he would have to fully turn away from the captain, and Kirk sat watching him his lips parted, his finger still stroking the chain around his neck. When Spock finally did leave, which Savsik was thankful for, because he did not know if he could stand another second of the copious amounts of eye fucking that was going between his master and the captain, Kirk twisted back around in his chair turning his attention to the almost forgotten PADD. Savsik slumped in his seat suddenly exhausted from the exchange he just witnessed.

"What's wrong with you?"Kirk said as he picked up a strawberry, popping it into his mouth and Savsik felt his lips curl back over his teeth.

"Nothing, Captain," he all but snarled and Kirk narrowed his eyes in return.

"You better watch your tone when addressing me. You maybe Spock's guard but you're still on my ship. Have I made myself clear?"

Savsik pushed down his rage and nodded. "Like crystal, Captain. Forgive me, but I am suddenly not feeling well. I will excuse myself."  He stood and without another word exited the captain's quarters. He marched down the corridor at a steady pace not meeting the eyes of anyone he passed.  He thought that for moment that he would be punished by his master for abandoning his post, but he quickly dismissed the thought. Spock had never noticed him there.

 _Not with that cow in the room._ _Oh my lord, why do you embarrass yourself by chasing after him? Don't you know that there are others that would be better suited for you?_

Reaching the door of his quarters Savsik stepped inside and made for his bunk. He lay down and stared at the ceiling letting his mind wander.

_It is obvious that my lord is lost. Bewitched by that tawny eyed devil. If that is the case then it would be logical save my master before he can fall further into that monster's trap and there is only one way to deal with a creature as wicked as the captain..._

Savsik sat up in his bunk and peered around the room, his dark eyes glassy and mad. There was a twitch at the corner of his lips and the side of his eyes.

"If my lord is bewitched by the captain then we will deal with him the ways of old... we will burn him."


	14. Chapter 14

Spock fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt as he surveyed his quarters. He was so pleased with this idea and he just knew that his captain would be too.  It had not come to a surprise to Spock that his captain would enjoy such a thing and to be able to offer him the chance to participate on the ship, Spock knew that his t'hy'la would be thrilled.   Checking the chronometer, Spock inspected his reflection one more time, before double checking everything in the room.

Everything had to be perfect, because this would be the night. He would ask his t'hy'la to bond with him. Perhaps it was bit premature, but over the last month it was obvious to Spock that Kirk was warming up to him and Spock just knew that now was the time to take the next step. Of course Kirk would accept. It would only be logical.

Spock checked the time once more just as his captain walked through the fresher door.  He looked stunning as he walked in wearing a black dress shirt that draped over his ever expanding tummy, white slacks that covered the tops of his bare feet, and around his neck Spock's gift glittered and shone.

"Spock, what is this nonsense that we are having dinner in your quarters?  For your sake the food better...be... ready..." Kirk's voice trailed off as he took in the scene before him.  On the floor of Spock's quarters a picnic was laid out. Spock watched Kirk's expression for a moment, observing how the captain's eyes widened for just second, before turning his head toward his first officer.

"Spock? Why is there a picnic laid out of the floor of your quarters?" The tone wasn't angry, though, Spock wondered if it wasn't wary.  He reached out to take the captain's elbow.

"Forgive me, but I could not happen to overhear a conversation you were having with Mr. Ferrell about your childhood. You mentioned to him your fondness for various outdoor activities, one of such was the picnics your mother would take you and brother on. I know that recently that you have been chafing under your quarantine, so I thought this would be a nice change."

Kirk stared at Spock and didn't pull from his touch when Spock hooked his hand into the groove of Kirk's elbow leading him over to the far wall where there were a number of pillows and blankets there.  Spock helped Kirk down onto the pillows and waited for his captain to say something -- anything.  Kirk crossed his legs and moved his eyes over the spread before turning back towards Spock who had taken a seat next to him.  

"Why, Spock?"

"As I explained James, I thought that..."

"That's not what I'm asking. Why do you keep doing these things? You have been so ... _kind_ to me and I don't understand, so I am asking you Spock. Why are you doing all this?"

Spock, averting his eyes from his captain, picked up a plate and started placing pieces of sliced fruit on it.  "I think you know the answer to that, James," he said not looking at Kirk.

"Because of the baby?"  Now Spock did look back at Kirk. He noticed a frown marring the well formed features of his captain.  

Holding Kirk's stare, Spock answered, "Among other things."

Kirk's head tipped to onside as his brow wrinkled.  "What other things?" He said suspicion laced in his voice. Spock repressed a sigh and handed Kirk the plate of food.   He picked up another plate and started fixing it for himself.

"What other things, Spock?" Kirk repeated himself and Spock winced. He didn't want to talk about this now. He wanted to wait till they had eaten. Then, he would pull his captain to him, all plump and golden, and whisper to him his affection. He would explain the logic of their bonding and holding a hand in his own, he would ask the captain to be his mate.

"Spock, answer me."  There was no helping it. Kirk would not wait, so Spock set down his plate and turned toward his captain.  He removed the plate from Kirk's hand and took that hand into his own. Spock locked his eyes with Kirk's.

"James," he started, "I wanted to wait till after we ate, but now is as good of time as any. Yes, there are other factors involved in my actions towards you. I'm sure you are not unaware of my fondness toward you. That I harbor a profound affection for you and that affection has only deepened with the fact you carry my child. I have been trying over the past few months to demonstrate my worth as a potential mate and father. I know that I said that I would take the child from you once it was born no questions asked, but I would much rather we raise it _together_."

As Spock spoke, Kirk's expression became surprised and he seemed to be shaking. Spock tightened his grip on Kirk's hand fearful that his captain would pull back, as he continued.

"Now with that being said, James will you bond with me?"  Spock could only imagine what he looked like, because even though he was trying to suppress his emotions he knew that he was failing miserably.  Kirk was no longer shaking and his expression had gone blank.

"Bond, Spock? Is that like marriage?"

"Yes. Yes it James." Spock's voice had become hopeful and breathy.

Kirk's pursed his lips in thought and then shaking his head he said, "No, Spock."

Spock froze then as slowly the words sank in.  "No, James? Why?  I do not understand."

It was Kirk's turn to avoid Spock's gaze.  "Look, I'm flattered, but I don't want that. I don't want this baby or to be tied down. I have my career to think about and ..."

"But this will not interfere with any that. I will stand behind you and help you achieve every goal you could ever want.  I will give you anything, everything. Please reconsider."

Kirk looked down at his hands and shook his head again. "No, Spock." His voice was matter a fact and anyone else would have dropped the subject, but Spock pressed on, convinced that Kirk just needed more incentive to accept.

"But James, think of all that I have done for you. I would be a wonderful husband to you and a good father to our child. Please."

Kirk raised his head and met Spock's eyes. "You would be a good husband, Spock, but not to me. You will find someone else one day that is better suited. Now excuse me I will be taking my dinner in my quarters." Kirk moved to stand but Spock tightened his grip on his hand making Kirk yelp.

_What happened? Why will he not accept? Why does he not love me? Doesn't he understand that this is best for us both? That we will be happy together? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?_

Spock was now the one shaking as Kirk tried in vain to pull out his first officer's hold. "Spock!  Let me go! That is an order," Kirk commanded but Spock did not hear him over his own inner turmoil.

_I have failed. My t'hy'la has rejected me. He wants me to find someone else.  Does he not know that there is no one else?_

**_He doesn't understand, but we can change that. We can show him how deeply, how strongly we care..._ **

Spock stilled, an unnerving calm washing over him. Across him, Kirk was still struggling to pull from his grip.

"Spock, you stupid pointy-ear asshole. LET ME GO!"  Kirk was shouting by this point his voice tinged with pain. In Spock's hand the human's fingers were turning white.

"James," Spock whispered and Kirk stopped struggling.

"What?" He growled.  Spock' shifted closer to Kirk rising his free hand to the human's face.

"It is okay James. You do not understand, but you will and then you accept me. It will be okay."

Kirk pressed himself into the wall, eyeing the hand coming towards him. "What are you babbling, Spock?" Then seeing the not quite sane look in his first's eyes, " Spock, I order you to release me. No no, keep that hand ways from me."

Spock lined his fingered up to the psy-points on Kirk's face and touched his forehead to the human's. Kirk's eyes were wide and brown.  "Spock, what... what are you going to do?"

"Make you see that there is no one else for me and that we belong together."

"Spock..." Kirk croaked out.

"Shhhh, my mind to your mind..."

" Spock, don't..."

"My thoughts to your thoughts."

The connection wasn't immediate, as Kirk struggled under Spock, but once established Spock had no trouble pushing past his captain's defenses.  He was driven and nothing, not even the barriers that Kirk put up in his mind, wouldn't stop Spock now.  With each mental block Spock slammed through like battering ram, pouring his thoughts and barely suppressed emotions in his captain. Under him Kirk howled with each blow to his psyche, but Spock had come too far to turn back now.

Then it seemed that Spock hit a wall that he could not push past. He pushed harder but the obstruction would not give way.  Under him Kirk whimpered and convulsed, only the whites of his eyes showing.  Spock was unaware of anything of this, so consumed n the meld and he continued to break through this wall. It was exhausting and he knew that he could not keep up the assault, but with one last push, he hit the wall as hard as he could.  Kirk screamed in agony and Spock in his mind's eye could see a newly formed crack in that wall.

It was then that the connection was lost, as Kirk lost consciousness. Spock felt the meld break like the snapping of a rubber band and pulled back from his captain. Breathing hard, Spock peered down at Kirk, who was slumped in the floor against the wall.

"James?" Spock gently tapped a cheek with the back of hand but Kirk's head just rolled to one side.  Spock did not move, before bring a hand to his mouth. He held it there over his lips, his eye wide, and his face pale. He felt sick and the bile threatened to rise from his stomach.

_What have I done?_

Spock sat in horror staring at the limp form of his captain. Slowly, he removed his hand from his mouth.  
"James?"  Spock's voice shook. He tried to steady himself by taking a deep breath, but it did not help because when he spoke again he sounded the same if not worse.

"James? Can you hear me?"  Spock touched Kirk's face again and with growing panic noticed that the skin felt cool to the touch.  He pulled back his hand, shaking his head, his whole body trembling.

_What have I done? I have killed my t'hy'la. What madness has come over me?_

**_He's not dead. Look! He's still breathing._ **

Spock focused on his captain and saw the tiny rise and fall of the human's chest. Relief washed over Spock and he felt his body threaten to collapse. With renewed hope Spock took to reviving Kirk. He took his shoulders gently and shook him. He slapped his face lightly calling out his name. Finally he placed a simple kiss on Kirk's forehead.

"James, please wake up," Spock whispered.  Under him there was stirring and Spock's breath caught in his throat as Kirk's eyes fluttered open, the irises completely gold.

"Spock?" Kirk's voice was so soft and Spock scrambled to help his captain sit up right.

"James, are you hurt? Are you okay? Oh James, I am so sorry," Spock said as he fussed over Kirk, who sat looking lost.

"I think I'm alright. My head hurts though. Why are you apologizing, Spock? What happened?"

Spock opened his mouth to confess everything, to beg his captain's forgiveness, to accept any punishment that Kirk sought fit to give him, but what came out was, "What do you remember?"

_What? No, that is not what I was going to say._

**_Shhhhh, Let's hear what our t'hy'la says, before we say too much._ **

Kirk blinked rapidly as he shook his head. Spock watched as one hand went to Kirk's face, while the other laid itself over his belly.

"I'm not sure. We were talking and you had made this lovely picnic for us."

_Lovely?_

"And you had said something but I don't remember what. Next thing I know I'm coming to and you're upset."

Spock peered at Kirk hard. Something was not right. One Spock noticed is that the hand that Kirk had placed on his stomach had never left it, instead he seemed to caressing it and even brought his other arm down under the bulge to cradle it.  Another Kirk did not sound angry at all. He sounded confused and maybe worried.  Thirdly Kirk had referred to the picnic as "lovely."  The captain did not talk like that. The Most important thing here was...

_He does not remember what happened._

"James, do you remember anything else that happened before you passed out?"

Kirk's mouth twisted down into a frown. "I know there was something else that happened but I don't know what?  Oh Spock, should we call Dr. McCoy?"

**_No_ **

"No. That should not be necessary. I am sure the good doctor is resting, so I will get my tricorder and run a scan if you like."

Kirk nodded, cradling his stomach. Spock stood to fetch his tricorder. As he adjusted the calibration he watched his Captain. The man seemed genuinely fearful and as Spock knelt down beside him again he noticed that Kirk was chewing his bottom lip. Spock ran the tricorder over Kirk's body once and held up the device so he could see the readout.

"There you are James. Everything is fine."

"Oh Spock." Suddenly Kirk's face lit up with a brilliant smile and with some effort threw himself into Spock's arms planting his lips to Spock's mouth in a Kiss.   In complete amazement Spock stared speechless at his captain when he pulled back from the kiss and continued talking.

"You're so good me and the baby. I don't know what we would do without you."

Spock blinked before clearing his throat to speak.  "I do try," he said uncertainly and was give another thousand watt smile.

"I know you do, Spock. You would do anything for us. That's why I love you so much."

"You love me, James?" Spock was dumbfounded. His captain loved him? Since when? In his arms Kirk just laughed.

"Of course I do, you stupid Vulcan. Why wouldn't I?"  Spock looking to Kirk's face and everything there told him that his captain was being honest with him.  Spock carefully raised a hand to Kirk's face and with two fingered stroked to side the human's cheek.

Kirk did not pull away but instead smiled and chuckled, his bright golden eyes peering into Spock's own. Spock repeated the gesture, the feel of Kirk's skin on his hand so warm and satisfying. So much so that he did again and again. In his mind Spock tried to pick through his thoughts convinced that something wasn't right.

**_He loves us._ **

_Yes, but why? He didn't before. What changed?_

**_Why are you questioning this? Isn't this what we wanted?_ **

_Yes, but..._

Spock he went back over the last few moments to pinpoint when the charge might have occurred.

_The meld..._

Spock paused in mid stroke as he realized what had occurred. Emotional transference during a meld was not uncommon and with the force he had put behind it, it made sense for his t'hy'la to be affected.

"Spock? What's wrong?"

Spock shook himself and looked into the surprisingly worried face of his captain.  Spock inhaled slowly and thought how best to confess what happened.

"James, I... You need to know something."

"What, Spock?"

Spock gazed into the face of his captain, the one being in the entire universe that he desired. He took in the full mouth, The golden eyes framed by thick lashes. The perfect jaw line, and the rounded ears, which held so much fascination for Spock.  The well formed brow that was now wrinkled with confusion.  The perfect mass of styled curls with the one lock of hair that would always fall out of place across Kirk’s forehead.  All this was Spock’s t'hy'la and his t'hy'la _loved_ him.

**_We have what we have always wanted. Are we going to throw it away now?_ **

Spock swallowed, closed his eyes, and licked his lips. He would do the right thing here, he would...  
Opening his eyes Spock reached down and picked up a bowl of potato salad.  He held the bowl out Kirk, who raised an eyebrow at his First Officer.

"We need to make sure to eat this up or else it will go bad. That and the cucumber sandwiches will get soggy soon."  Kirk gave Spock a bemused expression, but laughed and the sound of it was like the sweetest music to Spock's ears.

"That is what you needed to tell me? Spock you're so strange," Kirk said as he took the bowl out of Spock's hands and set it down on the floor.  He wrapped his arms around Spock's neck and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, before saying, "I guess I can still love you, in spite of that."

Spock pressed his forehead to Kirk's.  "For that I am tremendously grateful."  He pulled back and removed Kirk from his lap. Before his captain could protest, Spock leaned back against the wall and pulled Kirk into his lap so that he sat sideways between his legs.  He reached down to the forgotten plate of fruit and lifted a piece to Kirk's mouth.

"Now, ashal-veh. You must be starved.  We should feed you."

Kirk chuckled before shutting his eyes and opening his mouth. Spock gently placed the morsel in Kirk's mouth. As he did Kirk's lips closed over Spock's fingers giving them a quick suck before Spock pulled them back from the warm wet mouth with a hiss, the first signs of arousal starting to flare to life.  From where he sat between Spock's legs, Kirk licked his lips before giving Spock a salacious grin. Spock picked up another piece of fruit and held up to Kirk, who took it between his lips in most suggestive manner Spock had ever seen.

Over the course of the next hour, Spock fed his captain, purring with each bite taken.  Finally Kirk pushed Spock's hand away as he held up a strawberry to his lips.  "No Spock, I'm full, " Kirk said his mouth pushed out in a small pout.  Spock heart fluttered and his dick throbbed at the sight.

"Oh ashaya. Just one more bite. It's the last one and you don't want it to go to waste do you?" Spock held the berry up to Kirk's mouth again and Kirk gave a petulant sniff.

"Now now, James. You are being ugly," Spock chided and Kirk frowned.

"Fine," Kirk said opening his mouth and Spock watched plush pink lips close around the red fruit.  A tiny bit of juice ran from the corner of Kirk's mouth as he bit down and Spock rubbed at it with his thumb.

"You are making mess, " Spock said playfully shaking a finger at his captain.  Kirk gave Spock a naughty grin and chuckled.

"I'm sorry, Spock.  Let me clean that up." Kirk took Spock thumb in his mouth and  sucked on it gently, peering back at Spock through his lashes.  Spock shut his eyes and savored the feel of his captain's mouth.   Eventually,  Kirk slowly,  pulled the digit from his mouth and  licked his lips while batting his lashed at Spock.

"Did I get it?" He teased.   Spock felt his body surge with desire for his captain. Cupping Kirk's face with his hand, Spock leaned down to kiss his captain, when Kirk suddenly cried out.

"Oh!" This exclamation from his captain caused Spock to pull back, his lust draining from him and he looked to see Kirk smiling down at his distended belly, rubbing it gently.

"Is something the matter?" Spock asked uncertain. Kirk looked up from his stomach to Spock the smile still on his face.

"Oh no. The baby kicked just really hard and it startled me, that's all. Here feel," Kirk said as he took Spock's hand and laid it on his swollen belly.  After months of not being allowed to touch his captain anywhere other than his back and feet, the curve under his fingertips felt like tiny piece of heaven.  It made Spock lightheaded and his heart beat way too fast.

"Strong isn't he?" Kirk asked as Spock moved his hand to where the mass domed.  Spock's head jerked to face Kirk, both brows high enough to touch his hair.

"He, James? The baby is a boy?" Spock watched Kirk look back at him, his expression amused.

"Yeah. Didn’t I tell you?" Spock shook his head and Kirk chuckled.

“Well then, Spock we're having a boy,” Kirk said a broad smile on his face.

Now Spock was certain his was going to faint.  He took a deep breath and steadied himself. Then he took one of Kirk's hands in his own and stared into his captain's eyes.

"A boy? Oh, James," Spock purred. He couldn't help it. Suddenly in one night he had everything. His beautiful captain loved him, desired him, and was going bear him a son. Before him Kirk's smile grew larger. Only one thing could make this moment better.

"James, you are aware of how I feel toward you, yes?"

Kirk nodded his expression suddenly serious. Spock fought back the uncertainty that was setting his stomach.  "I was wondering, would you... would you Bond with me?"  Spock then held his breath. Kirk frowned.

"Is that like marriage, Spock?

_Please do not reject me again. I would not be able to handle it a second time._

"Yes it is, James."

Spock was shaking again.  He watched Kirk sit in thought before the human turned to him, the brilliant smile washing over him.

"Oh Spock, Of course I will."

"You will?"

**_He will!_ **

Spock cupped Kirk's face again and kissed him hard.  He felt warm fingers slide up his back and grip his shoulders.  Kirk's lips parted and Spock licked at the pink mouth before sliding his tongue inside. His tongue met with Kirk's and they wrapped around each other sending sparks through Spock's body.  As their mouths moved and their tongues battled Spock shivered with delight with each willful moan uttered by his captain.

When the kiss broke, Spock peered down at Kirk, who was panting and flushed.  He moved one hand down Kirk's body enjoying the way it arched under his touch.  Spock licked his lips his lust renewed.

_How long has it been?_

**_Too long. Take him!_ **

A sound rumbled from within Spock as he continued to gaze at Kirk, his tongue dancing over green tinted lips.

"James," He cooed. "I desire thee. Grant me the honor of engaging in sexual congress with thee."

Kirk gazed back at Spock, his pupils blown wide. "Yes, Spock," he breathed and before he could say anything else Spock had them both on the feet, leading Kirk to his bunk.  Slowly he pushed Kirk down on the bed before he crawled on top of him.   He rested on his knees sitting on Kirk's thighs as he started to undress the human and himself.

He pulled the black button up from Kirk and his lips curled a little as some of the tiny buttons flew off the garment. He removed his own shirt and purred pleased at the delighted sound Kirk made at the sight of him.   Spock leaned down and took Kirk’s mouth with his own and kissed him hungrily.  

Spock moved from his mouth up his jaw and sucked on the spot just under the ear lobe.  Under him Kirk sighed as Spock slowly licked the outer shell of his ear.  He nibbled on the cartridge as he moved one hand down Kirk's chest. He caressed a nipple feeling it harden under his fingers.

He took up it in his thumb and forefinger, twisting it gently relishing the gasp from Kirk. He moved his mouth down Kirk's neck as nails dragged down his back.  Growling, he bit into Kirk's shoulder making his captain gasp.

Moving his head down, he let his tongue lap at the quivering flesh under him. Spock purred with each lick savoring the almost forgotten taste of his lover.

"James, it has been so long," he mutter to himself as his tongued the swollen belly.  Kirk meanwhile lay sprawled under him arching his body under Spock's attention, moaning and whimpering with need.  The sound drove Spock on, his own need consuming him.  He sat up on his ankles and peered down at Kirk.  
He took in the flushed cheeks and swollen lips paired with the hooded eyes.

"Spock..." Kirk whispered and the sound of his name made a guttural sound escape Spock's lips.  He reached down and started to unfasten the waistband of Kirk's pants, his captain letting out a cry,"oh."  
He all but ripped the cloth off Kirk's body. He sat for second drinking the naked form of his captain.  He lowered himself down on his hands so that he was leaning over Kirk, face to face, their noses barely touching.

"You are so lovely." Spock whispered making Kirk look away as his blush deepened. It was something that Spock had never seen before and it thrilled him. His lips twitched as he leaned to one side and reached for a bottle of lubricant that he kept on his night stand. With the bottle in hand Spock sat back up. He took one of Kirk’s legs and hooked it over an elbow.

He poured some of the lube into his open palm. Then tossing the bottle side Spock reached down and pushed one finger into Kirk's rectum.  Kirk sighed, shutting his eyes as Spock worked with the one finger until he thought he could push in two.  He listened to Kirk moan, as he slowly pushed the digits in up to the first knuckles. He stopped there and pulled the two fingers apart stretching the opening carefully.

"Spock please... Ahh... More Spock, please," Kirk begged. It was an exhilarating sound and Spock immediately added a third finger, pushing them in all the way.   He purred and sighed as he fucked his mate with his fingers, the feel of it on his over sensitize digits pushing him to the edge. The wanton noises his captain was making were not helping matters.

Finally not able to hold back any longer, Spock pulled his fingers from Kirk, and lowering Kirk's leg, he removed his own pants.  He threw them away, taking both Kirk's legs in his arms and placing the knees over his elbows.  With his hands on Kirk's hips and taking exaggerated care, he pushed his cock inside Kirk's waiting body.  Beneath him, Kirk's eyes and mouth opened wide.

Once he was all the way in he stopped, breathing hard and looked down at his captain.   Kirk's was panting and licking his upper lip, both hands splayed over his belly.

"How do you feel, beloved?" Spock cooed.

"Hot... Full... " Kirk panted. Spock shivered, his breath coming fast.

"James, my beautiful mate. If you could see yourself. You are stunning. So round, so golden and utterly gorgeous laying there impaled on my phallus. I would give you anything, so tell me what you want."

" Spock, fuck me," Kirk moaned.  Spock titled his head to one side enjoying watching his captain writhe.

"Beg for it, " he said and Kirk bit his lip obviously conflicted.

"Spock..." He whined trying wiggle his hips.  Spock shook his head.

"No, James. You need to beg me. Say please and tell me I am the only one you need."

"Please, Spock ."  Spock was unimpressed and slowly he started to pull out.

"Not good enough. Please Spock what?"  He stopped moving, his cock half out of Kirk's body.  On the bed Kirk frowned and squirmed.

"Spoooock, please... fuck me, please" Kirk spoke softly and Spock leaned in a bit.

"I am sorry. I didn't hear you. Now say it like you mean it."

Kirk huffed but relented. "Please Spock, fuck me. I need you to fuck me so badly. Please, please Spock please."

Spock sighed pleased with his captain. "As you wish."

He finished pulling out and pushed back in hard making Kirk moan loudly, his head tilting back.  Spock repeated the action a little faster. He pushed in and out rough yet controlled, while Kirk moaned and begged for more. The whole experience made Spock giddy and he had to concentrate to keep from coming too soon.

"Oh Spock, more, please. You make me feel so gooood," Kirk's moaned words were too much for Spock. He gripped Kirk's hips hard and winced as he came filling Kirk's channel with his seed.  With one last weak thrust, Spock paused catching his breath before pulling out. Kirk let out a disappointed whine as Spock lowered his legs.   Spock stretched himself out beside Kirk pulling the human to him.

He placed kisses on Kirk’s face, one hand stroking his hair while the other went down to Kirk's penis. He took the member in his fist and started to pump it with a steady pace.

"James, I adore thee with my whole being. Tell me that you are mine, and mine alone."  Kirk curled into Spock, his breath becoming more erratic, his moans louder.

"Yes, Spock... I'm yours... Ahhh...Ohhhh that's good.... Oh Spock, please. I can't. I'm so close..." Spock pressed his face to Kirk's their eyes locking.

"Yeeesssss, Cum for me,  t'hy'la."

Spock milked Kirk faster and watched as Kirk's body tensed and released as he came with a shout. Afterwards he lay in Spock's arms limp and breathless. Spock brought his cum covered hand up to his face and examined it, a pleased expression on his face.

"Spock..."  Spock looked back to Kirk, who was chewing his lower lip.

"Spock, I... I love you," Kirk whisper softly.  Spock wiped the semen from his hand and raised it to Kirk's face.

"And I you, t'hy'la." Kirk nuzzled Spock hand and smiled.

"What does that mean, Spock?" He asked stifling a yawn. Spock's goatee jerked as he fought not to smile.

"That you are everything to me, now and forever."

"Oh... I like that," Kirk said. Spock purred as he stroked Kirk's cheek with two fingers. In his arms Kirk drifted off to Sleep. Spock watched his captain slumber and felt a moment of peace.   He placed a kiss on Kirk forehead.

"Mine," He whispered.

**_Now and forever...he is ours..._ **


	15. Chapter 15

"No, not there. Try more to the left. No MY left!"

Doctor McCoy raised an eyebrow as he entered the captain's quarters and was greeted by the captain, in a t-shirt and sweats, eating strawberries, yelling at Mr. Farrell and Mr. Kyle as the two men were lifting the captain's desk and moving it about the room.

"What's seems to be happening here?" McCoy asked as he walked up to Kirk.  Kirk turned to McCoy with a barely repressed sneer.

"Isn't obvious? I'm rearranging my quarters. I need to make room for Spock's things, since we'll be turning his quarters into the nursery and since I can't lift anything," He gestured to his rounded stomach, "Mr. Kyle and Mr. Farrell are assisting."

"You're what?" McCoy turned back to Kirk in shock. Kirk gave him a lofty look.

"I thought Spock would have said something to you but I guess not.  Humph, and here I thought he told you everything..."

McCoy narrowed his eyes, his patience with the captain wearing thin. "You wanna elaborate?"  
Kirk smirked and ate another berry. He chewed slowly; clearly enjoy the doctor's irritation.

"Spock asked me to bond with him. We're getting married."  McCoy's eyes bulged from their sockets and his mouth hung open.

"Since when?" He snapped. Kirk continued smirking.

"Since the other night. Spock set up an indoor picnic for me and popped the question.  Of course we won't be able to go through with it right way. Something about a proper bonding has to be done on family land and an elder of the clan has to officiate over the ceremony. So we'll have to wait until we can get to Vulcan, and at our present course that will be after the baby is born, but no matter."

McCoy was speechless but only for a second. "Wait damned minute. Since when do you want to get hitched and have a family? Last I checked you were still referring to the baby as a " _thing_ " and Spock was the cause of all your woes in life."

Kirk stared at McCoy, sudden doubt written all over his face for a second, before his self satisfied smirk returned. He turned to Kyle and Farrell.  "You know what? You two have been working awful hard, so why don't you take break." Mr. Farrell and Mr. Kyle shared a look, before Mr. Farrell turned back to Kirk.

"Are you sure, sir?  Because Mr. Spock said that we're not to leave you alone and..."

"Excuse me? Who is your captain?"  Kirk growled and both Kyle and Farrell stood straighter.

"You are sir," they said in unison both giving a salute.

Kirk gave a nod and pointed to the door. This time no one said a word, but both Kyle and Farrell marched out the door. When they were gone Kirk turned to McCoy the smirk back on his lip.\

"Okay Doctor. I know what this is about, so save your petty psychology."

McCoy scowled. "What'd ya mean by that?" Kirk moved over to the desk and leaned against it.

"Please, Doctor. You're not that stupid and neither am I. See, you're not the only one Spock shares everything with.  He told me all about the two of you. That the two of you were pretty hot and heavy during your academy days.  In fact you two were really serious and that Spock was ready to marry you, but then you fucked some shank in a bar and she turned up preggers. So here you are all alone, bitter and you're jealous Spock and me."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Please, don't flatter yourself."

"Oh, so you haven't been trying to lure him back to you? Trying to get him reconsider you as a lover? You are telling me that you not a little pissed off that he's going to marry _me_? That I'm the one having his baby?" Kirk let out a laugh, "Oh please, pull the other one, Doctor. It's has bells." McCoy turned his face away as Kirk continued to laugh.

"That's not true," he muttered.

_Maybe a little..._

_That doesn't matter. The captain isn't acting right. Something has happened_

McCoy's head jerked up and he marched up to Kirk, pulling out his tricorder.  Kirk stopped laughing and watched him.

"What are you doing?" He asked and McCoy gave him a look.

"What do you think? Something's not right here and I'm running a scan."

Kirk rolled his eyes. "You just keep telling yourself that doctor. If it will help you feel better, but we both know that you're holding on to an old dream. Spock doesn't want you anymore and why would he? You're an old dried up bag of bones. Hmmmm, bones.... I like the sound of that. I think that is what I will call you from now on. Bones..."

McCoy glared at Kirk, his body shaking with rage. He was weighing if being court marshaled for striking his captain would be worth it, when his tricorder beeped.   He inhaled slowly and let out the breath as he turned from Kirk so as to stop seeing that damned smirk. He looked at the read out.

"Shit. You're blood pressure is through the roof again. Something else is amiss, but the tricorder can't pick up on it.  I'll have to up your meds and you should be at least sitting down." He turned and grabbed Kirk's arm as he spoke, pulling the captain toward the bunk.

"Hey.  What do you think you are doing?" Kirk snapped. McCoy licked his lips and stepped really close to Kirk.

"Regardless of my personal feelings, I am still your doctor and I'm concerned. You need to rest and I will be getting a hypo with something to bring your blood pressure down. If it stays like this we will have to remove the baby and put in an artificial womb."

Kirk's face softened and he placed his free hand over his stomach.  "I don't want anything to happen to the baby,"  He said and somehow this touched McCoy.

"That's good. Now you gonna let me help you?" Kirk nodded and McCoy gently led him over to the bed.  Kirk lay down propped up on the biggest mountain of pillows McCoy had ever seen.

"Spock must have gotten all those for you."

Kirk nodded again looking thoughtful.  McCoy peered hard at Kirk and continued to talk, "I bet Spock treats you like a king. I know he did me when we were together."  Kirk was chewing on his lip and he shook his head.  McCoy noticed that there was a change in the captain's demeanor.

"Captain, are you alright?"

Kirk was shaking. "No, I don't think I am," he muttered.  A hand went to his head and he winced. "Oh, fuck my head is killing me."

McCoy frowned. "Well I can give you some paracetamol, but if it's really bad I might have to get you into sickbay to run some tests. I'll talk to Spock...."

"NO!" Suddenly Kirk was sitting up gripping McCoy's tunic desperately.  His eyes were wide and his face pale.  "No, don't get Spock. Doctor you have to help me. I don't what happened, but something is wrong." McCoy stared down at Kirk, surprised that his captain was visibly showing fear.  

"Something's wrong? What?"

"I don't know, but..." Kirk's whispers were cut off by the sound of the cabin door opening.

"James? Are you resting, pet?" Spock's voice came through and Kirk looked as he would pass out. McCoy turned at the sound of Spock's footsteps behind him.   Spock stood at the edge of the privacy screen his head tilted to one side.

"Doctor, how good to see you? Are you checking on James and our little boy? How are they doing?"  
McCoy moved placing himself between Spock and the captain, as Kirk clung to him.

"Well Spock, the captain doesn't seem to be feeling well. His blood pressure is up and he has a headache. I'm going to get him some meds to help, but I think that he should be left alone for a while to rest."

Spock raised an eyebrow and shifted to peer around McCoy. Something crossed over his face before it returned to his normal stoic expression.  Spock placed his hands behind his back and stepped closer to McCoy. As he did McCoy instinctively reached back and placed a protective hand on Kirk.

"Doctor, perhaps I could be of service. James is probably tired. He told me that he was going to start moving my things into his cabin. He overdid it I am sure."

"Well that maybe Spock, but I still think that he needs to be left alone for a bit. I'm sure there is something that you could be doing while he rests." Spock narrowed his eyes and McCoy returned his stare.

"My duty is to be here with my mate when I am not on the bridge. Now stand aside, Doctor."

"No..." Kirk whispered and McCoy turned his head to look back at the captain. When he took his eyes off Spock, Spock lunged. He grabbed McCoy's shoulders and pulled him away from the bed.  In one movement Spock pushed McCoy against the privacy screen and turned back to the bed. He slid onto it and pulled Kirk into his arms.

"Awww, kan-bu. What is wrong? You are upset. Let me help." Spock murmured against Kirk's skin as the captain struggled in the Vulcan's grip.

"Spock, no... Please, "Kirk said as he turned a panicked eye to McCoy.

"Spock, let him go," McCoy pushed himself off the screen and moved toward the bed. As he did Spock growled and placed his fingers to Kirk's face.  

"Shhhh, ashaya.  It is not good for you to be so upset."  Spock eyes never left Kirk's face as he spoke. In his arms Kirk changed again as his eyes glazed over and he went limp against Spock.

"Spock..." Kirk mumbled and Spock moved his hand to pet Kirk's hair.

"Shhhh, rest James. Doctor, weren't you going to get something for James's head?"

McCoy looked at Spock horrified by what he saw.  "Spock, what have you done?" Spock pulled Kirk closer to him and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"I do not know what you mean, Doctor," Spock intoned.

"I see." McCoy said and he turned on his heel.  As he left the room he ran into Kyle and Farrell.  He grabbed them both by their boiler suits and pulled them aside.

"Doctor, what's up?" Farrell asked.

"Do me a favor and keep a close eye on the captain."

"But we're already doing that," Mr. Kyle replied. McCoy turned from one to the other.

"Well, in that case I need you to be watching Spock and report to me anything out of the ordinary."  
Mr. Farrell and Mr. Kyle gave him a puzzled look but before either could anything; McCoy raised a hand to silence them.

"Just do it," He said and both men nodded.

McCoy nodded and turned down the hall his mind churning. He knew what he saw and he wished he could say he was surprised, but he wasn't.  It was the very thing that had been worrying him and now Spock had proved him right.   He headed back to his office. He needed to find his PADD. _.._


	16. Chapter 16

Spock set down the last of the bags and peered around his former quarters.  Most of his personal items were gone, placed either in the captain's quarters or in storage and the room was now filled to overflowing with shopping bags and boxes.   He reached down into a nearby bag and pulled out a brown stuffed Sehlat. Spock beamed down at it, imagining how much his son would adore the toy.  As he let his mind wander into the realm of the future, where he and his t'hy'la would watch their child play while they worked from their desks after a long day on the bridge, he heard a disgusted groan.

"Is there something the matter, Savsik?" Spock turned to his guard, the Sehlat still in his hands.  Savsik was digging through the shopping bags his contempt and disgust barely disguised.

"Master, is all this really necessary?" Savsik asked turning to Spock, crossing his arms over his chest. Spock tilted his head to one side.

" James seemed to thinks so. I did not make the list. I allowed him to do that, to make up for the fact that he could not come with me and personally pick out the items for the baby."

Savsik's lips curled back slightly. "Oh yes, the _list_. Twenty pages, my lord.  Most of it impractical and all of it expensive. The amount credits you spent is obscene."

"I wouldn't say that," Spock countered. To his shock Savsik rolled his eyes at him.

"Of course not, but it's true. How much did you spend on that crib? Five hundred and fifty credits. Just for the crib. And you bought a bassinet as well. Let us not forget about the changing table and the stroller."

"Actually," Spock started, "it's a pram. James liked it better than the modern strollers. You know how he loves anything old fashioned and quaint."

"Don't you mean overpriced and gaudy?"

Spock frowned. "Savsik, having a child is not easy on the pocket and I would not dare purchase something for my son that was cheap. I think that James picked out some lovely things for our little Samuel."

Savsik winced. "Why would you name your child that? That is a human name and is not appropriate for the heir of your family's house."

"James requested that we name the child after his brother. Apparently he had a very close relationship with his sibling and was greatly hurt when his brother passed away. I saw no reason to deny his request."

"Humph," Savsik replied. Spock shook his head at his guard and turned back to the items around him. It would take a while to set everything up, but he would get Mr. Kyle and Mr. Farrell to assist him.  Spock could feel his excitement building and he imaged his t'hy'la's face when he unveiled to him the finished nursery.

"Master?" Spock turned to Savsik again and gave him an expectant look. He was growing weary of his guard's incessant complaining about James and the baby. It had even gotten to the point that Spock started having Savsik handle his duties in the labs, since the other Vulcan seemed to loathe spending any time around James.

"What is it, Savsik?"

"May I speak freely, my lord?" Spock arched an eyebrow.

"I have always allowed you to do so."

Savsik took a deep breath and licked his lips. "Well, it is in regards to the captain. If I may, master, I feel you are far too generous with him and he is taking advantage of you."

Spock narrowed his eyes and Savsik quickly raised his hands in a placating gesture. "Please master, allow me to finish. It is not my intention to stir up trouble as the humans say, but one does wonder if he is serious about the two of you bonding. I think that he is too receptive to Mr. Kyle."

Spock shifted uneasily. "It would seem that James and Mr. Kyle do get along well, but that does not mean that James is being unfaithful."

Savsik looked shocked. "I never really said anything of the sort, but now that you mention it, one would have to wonder..."

"No. I know my mate. He would not do something like that. He loves me and our child. He wants to have a family with me. Now, no more of this, Savsik."

Savsik calmly bowed his head. "As wish you, my lord. I did not mean to cast doubt on the captain."  
Spock swallowed as he actively pushed away all thoughts of James and Mr. Kyle.  

"You did no such thing, Savsik.  Now excuse me. I think I'm going to check on James and see if he would like to help me unpack some of the smaller items."

Savsik nodded once more. "Of course. I think  I will join you. It has been awhile since I have seen the captain." Spock said noting to this but instead turned toward the fresher door. He stepped through the fresher with Savsik, behind him heard James talking.

"Oh, Mr. Kyle. You're the best, you know that."

The white hot flames of jealousy flared to life in Spock and hurriedly rounded the corner of the privacy screen into the main room of the captain's quarters. There next to the desk, stood Kirk with arms around Mr. Kyle, his lips pressed firmly to the other's man's face, while Kyle blushed furiously.

Behind him Spock heard Savsik murmur, "Oh my," in a tone that reflected no surprise at all. Was it true? Was his beloved having an affair with Mr. Kyle? All that time that Spock was on the bridge or in the labs, or planet side, and Mr. Kyle was with James were they engaging in shameful behavior, mocking him behind his back. Spock dropped the stuffed toy he had been holding and marched up to the two men.

"James! Just what do you think you are doing?" Spock barked. Kirk turned around quickly and smiled, while Mr. Kyle jumped, an "eeep" escaping his lips.

"Spock, you're back. Did you get everything? Can I see?" Kirk rambled on letting go of Mr. Kyle and stepping towards Spock. As he did Spock reach out and seized Kirk's arm. He gripped it hard and pulled Kirk to him.

"Spock?" Kirk said surprise visible on his face.   Spock held Kirk's arm tight and he was shaking.

"Answer me," he growled and Kirk shook his head.

"Spock, I don't understand." This was too much for Spock and he took Kirk's other arms and shook his captain.

"Do not lie to me. What have you been doing?"

Kirk now looked terrified and angry. He struggled against Spock, but Spock held him even tighter as his lips curled back over his teeth.  Mr. Kyle rushed forward, his own fear of the Vulcan forgot in the face of his captain's panic.

"Mr. Spock, please, " he said. Spock turned his gaze on the blonde human and felt his rage rise. He let go of one of Kirk's arms and snatched the front of Kyle's boiler suit.  Without a word he tossed him across the cabin like a piece of paper.  He turned back to Kirk, his eyes black and glassy.

"I have given you everything. I have shown you affection and catered to your every whim," Spock whispered this to Kirk and he reached out, gently touching the captain's cheek.  The hand moved to Kirk's hair and it fisted itself in the styled tresses.

"And this is what I get in return?"  Spock growled.  Kirk cried out as Spock pulled him close by his curls and he reached back with his free hand, striking Spock hard across the face. Spock jerked back, the hand in Kirk's hair releasing it's hold. There was a stillness that settled across the room. Spock stared at Kirk for the longest time, before he spoke again.

"You would dare strike me? You ungrateful whore." As Spock said this he raised a hand to strike.

"I wouldn't do that, sir." All eyes turned to see Mr. Farrell, his expression hard, his phaser raised and pointed at Spock.  

"Commander, I think you need to release the Captain," Mr. Farrell said coolly.  Spock narrowed his eyes, but he let go of Kirk's arm and stepped away. Kirk immediately stepped back and Mr. Farrell crossed over in front of Spock, putting himself between him and the captain.

Spock noticed movement from the corner of his eye and watched Mr. Kyle approached Kirk.

"Captain, are you alright?" To Spock's horror and dismay, he watched Kirk give him a hard glare, before turning to Kyle.

"I'm okay. Thank you," Kirk whispered.  Spock stepped forward, but Mr. Farrell placed his phaser right in Spock's face.

"I think you need to leave, Commander."

Spock seethed at this. Mr. Farrell held no rank over him and he was about to tell him so, when his Kirk spoke up, his voice hitting him like a knife.

"Spock, remove yourself now, or I will order Mr. Farrell to shoot you." Kirk was looking at him again and Spock wished that he wasn't, because the captain’s stare was cold and hard, making Spock shiver. Spock opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it. He gave a quick nod and retreated from the room.  He passed Savsik as he moved and saw something crossover this guard's face.  It looked like a quiet yet smug satisfaction.

Spock ignored it and continued back through the fresher to his quarters. He peered around the room at the box and bags scattered about. Suddenly among the things he bought for his child Spock seemed to regain his senses. What had happened in there?

_I almost struck my mate. My t'hy'la._

**_Yes, but he was with Mr. Kyle and we saw them, did we not... cuddling together and laughing._ **

_There has to be a logical explanation._

Spock shut his eyes and took a deep breath to collect his thoughts.

"Shameful. I knew that you were too good for that wanton creature. Ugh, and that lumbering oaf of a guard. Who does he think he is to point his phaser at you? I cannot believe those vile creatures would treat you that way master."

Spock turned to Savsik and stared at him. He blinked several times before he pointed to the door.  
"Savsik, I will longer require your services tonight. You are dismissed. Good evening," Spock said.

Savsik's face fell. "Sir, are you sure? Will you not be needing my help to return these items to the store?"  
Spock tilted his head at his guard. "Why would I be returning these items? I just bought them and they are still needed for the baby."

Savsik's eyes widened.  "But after what just happened, you are not thinking of continuing with this charade with that whore. Look how he treats you, master!"

Spock sighed, before saying, "Savsik, I need time to decide what I will do about James and myself, but the baby is still coming and he will still need all this. That has not changed. Now you are dismissed. Good Night."

"But, my lord..."

"YOU ARE DISMISSED!" Spock shouted and he watched the color drain from his guards face. He never shouted at Savsik, never. The other Vulcan stumbled backwards.

"Yes sir," he mumbled, before making hasty exit.  Spock stood for a moment watching the space where Savsik had been before he turned towards the large box that contained the crib. He needed to think and it was best to think while keeping his hands busy.

He reflected as he opened the box and started to remove from it the various pieces. He had almost struck his captain.

_What was I thinking? James will never forgive me..._

**_He will. We will give him some space and he will come around. If not then we have ways of changing his mind, do we not?_ **

At this Spock shuddered, because it was true.


	17. Chapter 17

Mr. Farrell watched Doctor McCoy's face as the blue eyes turned from him to Mr. Kyle beside him. They were in the doctor's office reporting what had just happened. He didn't like leaving the captain alone after something like that and both he and Mr. Kyle had offered to stay in his quarters for the night. But Kirk waived them both off, saying that he was tired and wanted to relax before bed.

Mr. Farrell remembered sharing a look with Mr. Kyle before they both nodded and left. Once outside the captain's quarters they both made a beeline to sickbay. Now McCoy sat stock still, the smoke from his lit cigarette trailing through the air.  

McCoy lifted it to his lips and took a huge drag, inhaling slowly, before he responded, "You did right coming here and telling me. Ye gods, this is what I was afraid of."

"Sir?" Mr. Kyle said. McCoy shook his head before putting out his cigarette. He stood and both Kyle and Farrell stood with him. McCoy pursed his lips.

"I'll handle this from here. Just keep doing what you've been doing."  Mr. Kyle and Mr. Farrell both nodded before filing out of sickbay.  Mr. Farrell turned to Mr. Kyle watching the other man chew on his bottom lip.

"This all starting to get to ya?" He asked. Kyle nodded, frowning.

"I don't get it. Why would Mr. Sock just turn on the Captain like that?"

Mr. Farrell snorted as they continued down the corridor. "Why do Vulcans do anything? They're a fucked up lot. They try to act all smug and better 'n anyone else, forgetting that they are no better than cattle.  Mr. Spock's just lucky he's Lady Amanda Grayson's son, cause he wouldn't have even been admitted into the academy, let alone serve as first officer on the flag ship."

Mr. Kyle continued to frown,  "It just worries me.  Mr. Spock cares about the Captain, but if he thinks that the Captain would be unfaithful to him, they can't marry and what will happen when the baby arrives?  Something is just wrong here, I know it."

Mr. Farrell cut his eyes sideways at Mr. Kyle, raising an eyebrow.  "You're an odd fucking duck."

To this Mr. Kyle gave a weak self-deprecating smile and said, "There's something I haven't heard before."

"I mean no disrespect, but let's face it. You are strange. You think this whole thing is like some fucking fairy tale and it's more like a horror story."

"Horror story is little strong, don't you think?" Mr. Kyle said reproachfully.  Mr. Farrell stopped in his tracks and stared  at Mr. Kyle.

"What do you call it then?" He asked.  Mr. Kyle licked his lips.

"I wouldn't call it a horror story, but I wouldn't call it a fairy tale either -- It's... It's a love story."

Mr. Farrell scoffed. "A love story? Really?"

Mr. Kyle rallied. "Yeah.  It's not perfect or pretty, but neither is the Captain or Mr. Spock, and you can't deny that there is something between them. Something special, even with captain's odd behavior and Mr. Spock's outbursts. It's there and we all can see it. "  Mr. Farrell blinked and worked his jaw side to side as Mr. Kyle spoke. Finally he just shook his head.

"You really are fucking out there -- C'mon, let's grab a beer."  Mr. Farrell started down the hall again. Mr. Kyle watched him go a frown still on his lips. Mr. Farrell paused and turned back toward him.

"You coming or not? I don't have all night."  Mr. Kyle sighed and jogged toward the larger man and together they continued down the corridor to the nearest rec room each lost in their own thoughts.

*****

  
Savsik huddled next to his fire pot. He stared into the embers seeking answers, but already knew his course.  He would save himself. He would save his lord and together they would take the Enterprise.

Of course this wasn't about power, not for him. For Savsik, this was about something much deeper. This was about correcting an error and being with the person whom he treasured above all others.

Uncurling from his place in the floor, Savsik stood and located his dagger.  He ran his fingers over the handle, moving over the blade, peering at the sharp edges. He saw them covered in crimson blood; he heard the death rattle of the captain.

He imagined his master's grief, but that would pass. It did before with the doctor. Who had been there when the master had been left alone and brokenhearted?

_Me. I have always been there._

And who will be there to comfort him after the death of his captain and child, eventually guiding him to take command of the ship, where he belongs? Who will take their rightful place by his side and in his bed?

_Me, I will always remain._

Savsik pulled his hand back from the dagger. He would not move tonight, but soon.  He went back to the place in front of his fire pot and sat staring into the embers. He did not need answers. He just needed to wait.

*****

  
Spock stood back and admired his handy work. The crib was stunning and Spock silently praised his captain for his good taste.  He stepped forward and ran a hand over the dark wood.  Once he got the matching changing table put together he would set about arranging the pieces in the room.

From behind him he heard the sound of the fresher door open and shut. He turned slowly and taking the sight of his captain. Kirk stood still at once, his expression guarded. In his hands he held the stuffed sehlat. Spock said nothing but waited, wondering what his beloved would say to him.

Kirk seemed to sense this and he moved a little closer to Spock, the toy held in front of him. He stopped a few feet from Spock and held it out to him.  "You dropped this," he said.

Spock stepped forward and slowly, took the toy from Kirk, who to his credit did not move back, but held Spock’s gaze.  Once the toy was in hand, Spock stepped back to his original place and peered down at the stuffed sehlat. Its little black eyes seemed to be judging him.

"I've never seen a teddy bear with fangs before," Kirk remarked.

Not looking up Spock replied, "That is because this is a sehlat. It is similar to the brown bear of Earth, but smaller. They have fangs, but they are quite docile creatures. They are kept as pets and nursery animals on Vulcan."

There was a quiet shuffle and Spock knew that Kirk had moved closer to him. "Spock," Kirk said and Spock looked up to see Kirk's face hard and questioning, peering intently at him.

"Yes, James," Spock answered, his voice soft.

"You wanna tell me what the fuck your problem is. Why you stormed into my quarters acting like a goddamned lunatic and threatened to hit me? Me, Spock? You almost hit _me_. I thought that you loved me, that you cared about me."

Spock winced at his captain's words and he said, "I do."  Kirk gave short laugh at that.

"Really? Sure could have fooled me. Now really? What the hell happened?"

Spock turned, placing the stuffed toy down into the crib and sighed. He turned back to Kirk and stepped up to him. Carefully he raised a hand to Kirk's face but stopped short of actually touching his captain and he let the hand fall back to his side.

"I cannot justify my actions, but I can explain their cause. I seem to be jealous of you and Mr. Kyle. It is bothers me greatly the closeness the two of you have and I fear that you will leave me."

Kirk's forehead wrinkled and he shook his head. "You're jealous? Of me and Mr. Kyle?"  Spock growled and lowered his hand, stepping back from Kirk.

" Do not mock me, James. You are too familiar with him. You allow him to touch you, you overly familiar with him and what I am left to think?"

"Think whatever you want, but I have done nothing wrong and neither has he. He doesn't want me Spock. He is convinced that you and I are living out some grand story. It's like his own personal romance novel that he actually gets to watch play out. He doesn't want to break us up; he just wants to see us live happily ever after -- the little nut."

Spock swallowed, his righteous fury gone. "But you and him... I saw you."

"You saw what, Spock? That I hugged him, gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Come on. If that's all you got to go on, then fuck off."

Spock opened his mouth to reply, but he took one look at Kirk and knew that anything he said at this point would put him farther into the hole that he had already dug for himself. He stopped and lowered his head.

"I am so fearful of losing you," he whispered, looking down at his boots.  He heard nothing from his captain, but saw Kirk's belly and toes in his field of vision. Raising his head, Spock looked into Kirk's face. It seemed conflicted as his captain's frowned, before he raised a hand to Spock's cheek.

"Spock, you are a stupid Vulcan. You don't want to lose me and you're not going to, but from now on do not ever raise your hand to me again. I'm still you captain, you know, regardless of anything else. Have I made myself clear?"

Spock stood motionless for a time and then sad, "I understand. Will you forgive me, James?"Kirk looked away licking his lips, before turning his eye back to Spock.  He kept his voice level as he spoke.

"I suppose, just this once."  In that moment Spock felt a weight removed from his shoulders.  He pulled Kirk to him and sighed, closing his eyes.  Kirk returned Spock's embrace they stood there is in each other arms for several minutes before Kirk pulled back and huge smile on his face.

"Hey. Spock, come see what Mr. Kyle gave us for the baby." Spock raised an eyebrow as he looked down at Kirk.

"He gave us a gift for the baby?" he asked.  Kirk continued to grin as he nodded his head.

"Yeah, why do you think I was hugging him the first place?"

Spock blinked not sure how to answer that without starting another fight.  He settled instead saying, "let us go see what gift Mr. Kyle gave us."

Kirk's eye glittered with excitement as he pulled from Spock's arms. He took one of Spock's hands in his own and led him through the fresher in to his cabin over to the desks.  There was a large white box that Spock had not noticed before.

Kirk lifted the lid and folder back layers of tissue paper. He reached down and pulled back with a quilted blanket. Spock stepped forward and touched it softly, its gold and blue squares catching the light of the room.

"Is this made of...?" Spock started and Kirk nodded.

"Our uniforms? Yeah. Isn't it beautiful?" Kirk held the blanket out to Spock and he took it in his hands. It wasn't very large but it was big enough that their child would be able to use it past his toddler years.  Spock gaze at it in his hands dumbfounded.

"It is beautiful. I will have to thank Mr. Kyle personally for this," then seeing the look on Kirk's face, he added, "And apologize for throwing him across the room."

This seemed to satisfy Kirk because he smiled again taking the blanket from Spock's hands.  He folded it carefully and placed it back into the box, then back to Spock.  Spock felt even more embarrassed than he had before.

"That was why you were hugging and kissing him earlier. You were happy about the gift he gave us?" Kirk nodded. Spock swallowed hard, turning his face away from Kirk's.  

"I am so ashamed of myself," he said.

"Hey now, none of that. You apologized and I forgave you. It's done now, okay," Kirk said as he took Spock's face in his hands. Gently he turned Spock's face back toward him and Spock saw there that his captain really did forgive him.

"James, my t'hy'la. You are truly my greatest pleasure and joy."

It was now Kirk's turn to look away as he blushed furiously.  This display excited Spock and he pulled Kirk in for a kiss, but Kirk pulled back placing his hands on Spock's chest.  Spock raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I'm sorry Spock, but it's been a long evening for both of us and I'm tired. How about we just head to bed and get some sleep, m'kay?"

Spock tried to hide his disappointment. "Of course, ashaya," he said as Kirk pulled him over to the bunk. Spock watched as Kirk undressed and slid under the covers, patting the place next to him. Spock discarded his clothing and joined him.

Kirk laid down on his side, his back facing Spock, in open invitation to spoon. Spock positioned himself behind his captain, draping an arm over the human.  He nuzzled the back of Kirk's neck inhaling through his nose.  

"Hmmm, James you smell wonderful, " he murmured against Kirk's skin. Kirk made a little "mmm" and Spock felt his body respond to the sound. He placed kisses on Kirk's neck as his hand ran over Kirk's body. Kirk wiggled a little and made a discontent noise.

"Spock, please not tonight. I'm tired," Kirk moaned in protest and Spock stopped. He cleared his throat and shifted his body back a bit.

"My apologies, I seem to be having trouble keep my arousal to myself tonight," Spock said. Kirk turned his head to look back at him and gave a sleepy little smile.

"I'm flattered, but really, let's just go to sleep. I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

Spock watched Kirk settled back down and he snuggled closer to the human.  His captain was so warm and he smelled so good. Spock bit the inside of his cheek in frustration, but what could he do? James was not being unreasonable. And yet...

Spock moved a hand to Kirk's head and stroked the soft hair there. Kirk sighed and snuggled lower under the covers.  Deftly Spock aligned his hand on the side of Kirk's face.

"Spock, what are you..." Before Kirk could finish Spock started the meld. He did not push as hard as the times before. He did not need to, since Kirk's mind has become almost receptive to the intrusions.  Slowly he pushed into Kirk's mind as Kirk shuddered and made a low keening noise.

Carefully, Spock broke the meld and pulled his hand back from his captain. Kirk continued to lie on his side, shivering slightly.  Spock took his hand and moved it under the covers placing it on Kirk's bare skin. Kirk gasped and mewled.  Moving his fingers over Kirk's flesh he watched transfixed as the human started to writhe under his touch.

"Spock," Kirk moaned and Spock pressed against his captain his hands exploring every inch of the warm body beside him.

"Yes, pet?" he cooed. Kirk twisted his head around so that Spock could see his face. It was flushed; his lips were parted, his pupils blown wide.   Spock shivered at the sight and he gazed intently at Kirk, who looked away coyly, batting his golden lashes.

"Spock, I think I might have been a bit premature. Maybe we could... that is if you still want to?" Spock moved his hand over Kirk's chest and pinched a nipple, making Kirk gasp. Spock continued to tease the bud in his fingers as he spoke.

"Of course, James."

"Hmmmm, oh good, but not too rough, please," Kirk murmured as he pressed his buttocks into Spock's groin.   Spock ground into Kirk, savoring the moan his captain let out.

"No no, love. Of course not, "he whispered. Turning in the bed Spock reached to the table by the bed and pulled open the drawer.  He rummaged around a bit before he found the tube of lubricant he was looking for. Turning back to Kirk, he saw that his captain had changed positions and was now laying on his back, waiting for Spock.

The corner of Spock lips turned up and he caressed Kirk's face.  "No James.  Back on your side please." Kirk smiled and with a little effort returned to his original position. Spock in turn returned to his place directly behind Kirk under the covers.

Opening the tube Spock squeezed a generous amount of the clear jelly on to the tip of his penis. He reached down between Kirk's legs and lifted the top leg up, placing it curled back on his hips.  Spock shifted a little and slowly pressed into Kirk. As he did Kirk closed his eyes and made a low moan.

Spock placed hand on Kirk’s hip and the other he curled around Kirk's head before he started rocking his hips. He kept his place slow and even, just letting the pleasure between them build as Kirk sighed and moaned softly.  The hand at Kirk's hip was met with Kirk's own fingers and they intertwined making Spock shiver.  He placed Kisses on the wide shoulders before him, moving up to the neck and then the face, mumbling praise and words of adoration.

"Oh James.  Ashal-veh, petakov-veh, t'hy'la, my t'hy'la."  Spock muttered into Kirk's skin.

"Oh Spock, Spock, Spock," Kirk chanted in return as he pressed his body closer to Spock's.  Spock took the arms curled around Kirk's head and wrapped it under the human's body, pulling it in closer, holding it tightly.  

Soon, Spock found himself close to orgasm. He moved the hand from Kirk's hip and took his captain's hardened penis in hand.  Fisting the member, Spock pumped it not fast, but a quick steady pace that made Kirk cry out and moan louder.  As he listened to his beloved, Spock nuzzled into Kirk's neck and closed his eyes as he started to come.

He continued to thrust his hips, his breath coming hot and fast against Kirk's skin.  Kirk arched his body and gasped loudly. Spock felt Kirk's cock jerk as he came too.  Spock shuddered as he stopped moving his body and just worked to move his fist slowly over Kirk's still twitching cock.

Kirk had turned his face into the pillow, but Spock kissed his ear and whispered into it, "Let me kiss you love."  Kirk turned his face to Spock and their lips met.  Spock released Kirk's penis and it lay flaccid in his curls.  Spock moved his hand up and over Kirk's stomach, rubbing the dome of it, smearing Kirk's semen over the skin, purring as their lips parted.

"My treasure," Spock said softly and Kirk chuckled.  Reluctantly, Spock pulled away from Kirk's body and stood from the bed moving towards the fresher. He came back with a warm damp cloth and used it first clean himself and then Kirk.  Discarding the cloth he returned to the bunk only to find Kirk already fast asleep.  Spock curled around the human's body a position of both affection and guarding.

"Goodnight t'hy'la." Spock said before drifting off.


	18. Chapter 18

There was a sound and Spock jerked awake. He lay still in the bunk listening. He only heard the soft snores of his captain, who had turned in his sleep so that Spock see his face and admire his features.  There was another sound, a footstep and Spock sat up slowly so he didn't wake Kirk. There was another movement in the dark.  It was strange but the shadows of the cabin seemed darker this night.

Spock slid out of the bed and moved around the privacy screen, peering into the darkness. There was someone there, but Spock could not make out whom.  Spock tensed his body and called out to the shape in the darkness.

"I know you are there.  Reveal yourself and tell me who you are."

There was a chuckle and flash of gold. Spock froze as he saw one black boot step forward, then another. His eyes moved up the figure.  He saw the tight fit trousers, saw where they met the hem of the gold wrap vest, the glittering sash around the trim waist, powerful arms across the broad chest and the wide shoulders.  The face held a nasty smirk and the tawny eyes glared hard  at him.

"What's a matter Spock? Don't you recognize me? I guess not without the huge belly and jiggling mounds of flesh you're so fond of petting."

Spock made a choking sound and turned back to the privacy screen.  He peered around it and saw that his t'hy'la was still fast asleep in the bunk. Behind him,  Kirk stood laughing at him.  Spock slowly turned back around.

"James?" He said, not understanding what was happening.  Before him Kirk grinned horribly and Spock shuddered.

"That's Captain to you, Spock. I guess you've forgotten that fact , since you made me your little baby-making-cum-dumpster." Kirk's words were like a slap in the face to Spock. He shook his head, his mouth open in protest.

"No. That is not true. You are my one and only, James. My life my universe, my..."

"SHUT UP." Kirk wasn't smiling anymore. His face had contorted in a vicious snarl. He uncrossed his arms and balled in fists at his sides.  The force of his words made Spock step back.

"Shut up. I won't listen to this bullshit. Oh yes, Spock you love me so much... Oh so much, you ruined me. You made me a mewling simpering whelp. Oh how you _love_ me." Kirk stepped up to Spock and wrapped his hands around Spock's neck.

Spock raised his hands to pulled Kirk off, but he found he could not. Somehow his captain was much stronger than him.  As Spock struggled, Kirk started to smile again, a slow mad grin that terrified Spock.

"So you love me? Then let me return your affection, Spock," Kirk said and the hands around Spock's neck tightened.  Spock gasped but no air came. The room was spinning and his vision was dimming.  Spock took a hand and raised it to Kirk's face.

_At least you will be the last thing I see, T'hy'la._

Kirk snarled and jerked, dropping his hold on Spock. Spock fell to the floor coughing and taking in lungful of air.  Kirk had turned from him, hunched over, his arms crossed over his stomach. Spock got unsteadily to his feet and carefully reached out to Kirk. Kirk whirled around and slapped Spock's hand away.

"Don't touch me! Stay out of my head, goddamn you!" Kirk screamed his face mask of rage. Spock stood still in the face of his captain's ire. He took a deep breath and moved toward Kirk again.

"James, I am sorry. I didn't want to take this path, but it is for us. So we can be together. So we can be happy."  
Kirk backed away from Spock his eyes widening.  "Ye gods. You really fucking believe that don't you?"

"What else should I believe, James?" Spock said. Kirk held still as Spock moved towards him, his eyes darting around the room, before they focused on Spock and narrowing.

"Believe what you want, but I won't play into your sick fantasy any longer," Kirk said as he reached down pulling a dagger from his boot. He lunged at Spock with it and they connected they both hit the floor.  The rolled on the ground and Spock fought to keep the dagger from going into his side.  On top of his Kirk foamed and growled.

"James please... Do not do this. I meant you no harm. I love you. I will make it up to you. I love you, please James.  I adore you. I want you. "

Suddenly Kirk stopped struggling and as he looked down into Spock's face something changed in his.  There they lay on the floor, staring into each other's eyes. Spock tried to catch his breath as he tried to read his captain.

"I am so sorry, James, but there is nothing I would not do to have you. Nothing I would not do for you."

"Nothing you wouldn't do to me, Spock?" Kirk said quietly.  Suddenly Kirk sat upright on his knees straddling Spock. He raised the dagger over head and before Spock could react he brought it down.

"No!" Spock cried as he jerked awake. He lay in the bed panting and shivering.  There was movement next to him and Kirk turned toward him.

"Spock, what's wrong?"  Kirk frowned, his face clouded with sleep.  Spock pulled the covers back sitting up in the bed and making a soft sobbing sound, pulled Kirk upwards to him. Kirk twisted in his arms, but Spock held him tighter.

"Oh James," Spock choked out. He placed his hand on either side of Kirk's face and held them there.  He looked into Kirk's worried face.

"James, you know that I love you. That everything I do, right or wrong is for you, for us?"

"Spock, what are you babbling about?"

"Do you know, James? You are my life and I will do anything to keep you? That I adore you? That I love you more than my own life?"

Kirk raised a hand to Spock's face and he touched Spock's forehead with his own.  "Yes, Spock. I know," he whispered and Spock sobbed again. He wrapped his arms around Kirk and rocked them both. In the back of his mind he heard the other Kirk laughing and making malicious remarks.  Spock buried his face in Kirk's hair.

"I will never lose you. Never James, never," He chanted in to the curls.

_Even if I do not deserve you._

*****

  
"Mr. Spock?"

Spock turned from his desk to face Mr. Kyle. The human was looking at him intently, concern in his blue eyes.  Spock rolled his shoulders back.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Kyle?"

Mr. Kyle licked his lips and nervously fidgeted.  "Well sir nothing for me, but I wanted to ask -- is everything alright between you and the captain?"

Spock froze and then peered around the lab.  There was no one else around this time of night, except Ensign Carter, who was too busy chasing after his mice to hear them. Spock stepped right up to Mr. Kyle.

"I do not think that is any of your concern, Lieutenant,"  Spock said his tone offering a warning. Kyle swallowed.

"Well, no. It's not, but the past few days the Captain has been rather upset.  He says that you haven't been around much. I think he misses you, sir."

Spock turned back his desk shutting his eyes. Since his dream Spock had found it difficult to be around Kirk, without feeling guilty. It would seem that his actions were catching up with him.

"I still do not see where any of this concerns you, Mr. Kyle,” he said.

"I just want to help, sir." Spock turned back to Kyle, one eyebrow raised.  He tilted his head to one side.

"Help?"He said and Mr. Kyle nodded. Spock pursed his lips in thought, not sure how to respond.  
Finally he said, "Why?" Mr. Kyle gave a half smile.

"Well sir, it's because I think you and the captain are good for each other. That you belong together. I saw it the first time I saw you two standing side by side."

Spock peered into Kyle’s earnest face and felt something inside break. "Mr. Kyle, your sense of reality is tragically flawed."

Kyle nodded slowly. "Yes, sir. I have been told that before, but that doesn't change what I feel, sir."  
Spock studied the human before him and wondered what it would like to be like Mr. Kyle. How was it that someone like that could survive in this galaxy?  Spock sighed.

"Mr. Kyle, I have been avoiding the captain. I have done something wicked and I don't know if I can face him, because of how much I have wronged him."

Mr. Kyle's brow knotted and he frowned.  "What did you do, sir?"

Spock just shook his head. "I would rather not say, but I wonder if the captain would be better off without me in his life."

Kyle shuffled his feet. "I'm not sure I believe that sir, but that would between you and him. You cannot make choices for him, you know? It's not up to you to decide what is or isn't best for him."  At that Spock rocked back as if he had been struck. He ducked his head down ignoring the questioning look on Mr. Kyle's face.

"If I may be so bold sir, I think you should go talk to the captain. Whatever has happened, I'm sure you can work it out between you -- He really does miss you, sir."

Spock lifted his face, his eyes meeting with Mr. Kyle's and the human smiled at him. It was warm and genuine. It made Spock shake his head at the illogical human, but he felt the smile's warmth never the less.

"Mr. Kyle, I think you maybe one of the wisest men I have had the pleasure of meeting."  This took Mr. Kyle completely by surprise. His eyes went wide and for a moment he blushed, his whole face turning pink.

 "Wow, Mr.  Spock. I don't know what to say to that, but thank you."

Spock watched Mr. Kyle squirm and blush, obviously enjoying the human's discomfort. He moved past him, momentarily placing a hand on Kyle's shoulder.   Turned his head to face Spock and their eyes met once more.

Then Spock removed his hand and continued out of the lab, when Kyle's voice stopped him.  "Are you going to talk to the captain?" Spock turned and nodded. Mr. Kyle grinned and Spock turned back around and left the lab.  

**_What are you doing?_ **

_I am going to talk to James. He needs to know what has happened. I had no right._

**_You fool. We will lose him. Do you think he will want us, if he knows the truth?_ **

Spock paused in the corridor right before the turbo lift.  He imagined Kirk's rage when he learned of what transpired. He would lose this t'hy'la.

_If I don't do this I will have already lost him. I have robbed him. I must make amends, somehow._

**_Then throw away our one chance of happiness and we will die alone._ **

_So be it..._

Spock called the turbolift and as it opened he heard some call his name,  “Spock! Wait right there. I  need to talk to you.” Spock turned his head and saw McCoy running up to him, a PADD in his hands. He watched as the doctor stopped in front of him and bent over trying to catch his breath.

“This is why you should stop smoking, Leonard,” Spock said matter-a-factly and McCoy turned his face to glare at him.

“Shut up, “ he wheezed and  Spock stood waiting till McCoy stood up right.

“I need to speak to you.” McCoy repeated.

“Yes you said, but can you make quick. I need to speak to James, “ Spock said and McCoy raised up the PADD in his hand.

“Ah, it was the about the captain that I wanted to talk to you about. You see Spock, I figured out what has been going on.”  Spock froze at that second, his heart pound in his ears. McCoy  nodded his head and continued.

 “I went and did some research. You wanna know what I found? Well for starters, the captain never made a tour of the labs and that around the time the Captain was knocked up you had taken a sample of the spores that Ensign Carter had been testing. You deliberately set out to impregnate the captain. On top of that you’ve been controlling him, though mind melds. I didn’t want to believe it, when I saw it the first time, but I looked it up and learned about emotional transference.”

McCoy stopped to catch his breathe again and Spock stood in stunned silence. McCoy shook his PADD at Spock and said, “I have it all right here and before you get any ideas of taking this from me, note I have backups. Hell, my backups have backups and I have left instructions that if anything happens to me that those backups are to be found and turned into Starfleet and the media.”

Spock listened to all this and felt as if he was falling into a black hole. He peered at the doctor and said, “What do you want, Leonard?” McCoy licked his lips.

“I want you to confess, that what I just said is true. I want you stop fucking with the Captain’s head. The man does not deserves that and finally when the child is born I want it to be put up for adoption.”  

Spock stared McCoy and said, “Alright Leonard. Yes, what you said is true, but I will not abandon my son.”

McCoy narrowed his eyes at Spock. ”And the Captain?”  

“I will confess everything to him and convince that I am truly repentant,” Spock said and McCoy’s eyes bulged.

“Dear gods no, Spock. Don’t tell him. He will kill you.”  

“Leonard, he already knows. In his mind, he knows. it would be best if I talked to him and if I am condemned to death then so be it. I am weary. My guilt and deception weighs on me. I must confess to him.”

Spock watched McCoy’s face scrunch up in pain. “But Spock, if you die...” He said, but did not finish. Spock tilted his head and stepped forward, giving McCoy a light kiss.

“Don’t be upset, Leonard. I have wronged the captain and must be punished. Just don’t be angry with him when I’m gone.” Spock hit the call for the turbolift and stepped in.  Before the door shut he waved goodbye to McCoy and said a prayer to the old gods.


	19. Chapter 19

Propped up on  the mountain of pillows in his bunk, Kirk hiss and squirmed.  He placed a hand on his distended belly, that was looking every bit as big as the mound of pillows he laid on, and winced again as the baby kicked and twisted inside him.  Huffing out a breath, Kirk sat up and stood from the bed. He cradled his back in his hands and shuffled his way around the privacy screen.

He was tired and wanted to sleep, but he couldn't. His back hurt. The baby kept kicking. He was lonely.

For the past few nights Spock had made himself scarce, only coming around for a few short minutes just to check in.  Kirk would always ask him to stay, but Spock made excuses. He was needed on the bridge, the labs, in engineering, etc. It was always something and Kirk knew that he was being silly, but he was starting to think that Spock was avoiding him on purpose. He hated thinking that because it hurt.

Kirk tried to think why Spock would not want to be around him and then he would stop thinking about it, because of what his mind conjured. It told him that he was fat, needy, ungrateful, and ugly. That Spock took one good look at him and thought, 'right, I am so done with this.'

Sighing Kirk paced his cabin.  He pulled his shirt down over his stomach, since it was too short and it rode up as he moved.  He then leaned against his desk and blew out another breath as the baby did another flip in his belly.

"Sammy, please stop moving. You're going to drive your papa crazy," Kirk said down to the dome and gave it a gentle rub. Maybe Spock would come by tonight and give him a backrub. Maybe he would stay and they could cuddle.  Kirk smiled as he thought about the nights with Spock. They were always so nice and comforting.

_That sick fuck._

Kirk frowned not knowing what had just crossed his mind.  He shook his head and let his mind wander some more, wondering if it would do any good to COMM Spock, or if Spock would just tell him he was too busy?

_The coward..._

Suddenly Kirk felt irate and he wanted to attack someone. No, not just someone, but Spock.   Kirk pushed off from the desk and started pacing again as he chewed on his lower lip.

What were these thoughts? Why were they so angry and why were they directed towards Spock? Kirk had a flash of a memory. In it he saw Spock, looking slightly insane, raising a hand to his face.  As soon as it came, it was gone.  Kirk did not know where it had come from, but it worried him.

Just then he heard the sound of the fresher door sliding open and he turned smiling to greet Spock, but his face fell as Savsik came round the corner instead.  Kirk cleared his throat and tried to look a haughty as he could.

"Savsik, I wasn't expecting you. What can I do for you?" He watched the Vulcan blink slowly and walk up to him. Savsik placed his hands behind his back and inclined his head toward Kirk.

"I trust I am not intruding Captain, but I wanted to make sure you were doing all right. It has been sometime since I saw you and I thought we could chat."  
Kirk pursed his lips and made an undignified noise through his nose. "Really? Why the hell not? There is no one else here to talk to."

Savsik tilted his head. "I too have noticed that."  The tone of his voice gave Kirk pause.

"What are you getting at?" Kirk said. Savsik shrugged.

"Nothing captain, but I have noticed that my master has been spending less time here as of late."

Kirk shifted uncomfortably and frowned. "Well, Spock has been busy. He can't stay up my ass all the time."

"No, course not Captain, but -- Permission to speak freely, Sir?" Kirk eyed Savsik, but nodded.  "Thank you, sir. I see that my master has been very busy as of late, but has the thought occurred to you that maybe my lord is busy because he has lost interest in you?"

"No. Why would he? He loves me. I'm having his baby. We're going to get married," Kirk said but as he spoke his voice became less certain.

"Ah, of course, but Captain, have you looked in the mirror recently? I mean, _really_ looked in the mirror? No offence sir, but you are the size of a shuttlecraft. It is all you can do to move around, you pitiful cow. You are no longer the handsome captain of a starship. You are more the overindulged, corpulent, whore that has overstayed his welcome in my master's bed and I think he has just now come to realize this."

Kirk gaped, speechless. No one would dare speak to him like that. He swallowed down his self pity and started toward Savsik, with a finger raised.  "Now you listen to me..."

"No Captain, you listen to me!" in a blink of an eye Savsik was on top of Kirk pushing him into a nearby wall. He pinned Kirk there and Kirk struggled to get free.

"Get off me," Kirk growled, but Savsik continued to hold him there, their faces almost touching.

"Do you not see what I am saying true? You are pathetic. A mewling, simpering, whiny, fat _thing_ and you do not deserve my master or his affection."

Kirk stared into Savsik's face and saw the cold malice there.  "Savsik, release me or I will call for my guard."  This caused the strangest thing to happen. Savsik laughed. It was loud and demented. The sound of it made Kirk's skin crawl.

"What is the matter? Can you not fight me yourself? I suppose not. All I would need to do to defend myself is moved a few feet away. It would take you forever to waddle after me. I guess though once you did catch me, you could just crush me under you enormous girth. HA HA HA HA."

This made Kirk snarl and he kicked Savsik as hard as he could. The Vulcan hissed and jerked but he did not let go.  Instead he leaned in even closer turning his head to the side. He pressed his face to Kirk's and their lashes touched as Savsik stared into one of the captain's eyes.

"You know Captain, I was going to be nice and cut your throat, so that your death would be quick, but after that little stunt I will have to think of something else."

Kirk turned his head to the door and took breath. "Mr. Farrell! Mr. Kyle! ANYOhurphm." Kirk's cries for help were cut short when Savsik clamped his hand over the captain's mouth and nose.  

Kirk continued to shout,  even though his words were severely muffled. He twisted in the Vulcan's hold, his arms and leg thrashing about wildly.  Before him Savsik pulled back slightly and Kirk's could see that he was grinning.  A horrible mad grin.

"Hmmm, suffocation. Yes, this will do nicely. I can watch as you die and it is a lot cleaner this way."  
Kirk continued to struggle, the burning in his lungs intensifying.  He was getting lightheaded and his limbs were becoming heavy.  He tried to scream which made Savsik laugh again.  He didn't want to die like this.

Kirk's vision blurred with tears and they ran down his face hot and silent. His lungs ached and he knew that it wouldn't be long before he passed out. He lifted his hand up to attempt one more time to strike his attacker, but it fell back to his side as everything started to grow dark.

"Savsik! What are you doing?"

_Spock!_

Kirk was aware of the weight of Savsik's hand being pulled from him and he gasped.  There was Spock tearing Savsik from him, throwing him to floor. Sliding down the wall, Kirk took in huge breaths of air and watched as the two Vulcans rolled on the floor, thrashing and snarling like wild animals.

It was a fight that did not last long, because even though Savsik was a guard, trained in defense, Spock had fought among the humans long enough that he didn't even think about fighting fair.  He waited until Savsik rolled on top of him and pulled his face down to head-butted him, breaking his nose. While Savsik reeled from the hit, Spock rolled them, so that he was now on top.

He struck the other Vulcan in the stomach with one fist and then when Savsik reared up from the blow, Spock grasped his hair to hold his head in place, while he brought his other fist back and punched him across the jaw. He did it again and again, until the face was meaty and green.

Spock stared down hard at his guard and growled, "Explain."  Kirk sat shocked at Spock's gratuitous act of violence. It was one thing when he attacked the Klingons, but his own servant? Savsik sobbed and raised a pleading hand to Spock.

"Master..." He started weakly, "I did to save us. Let me finish my work and we will be free."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Free? Free from what? You are not making sense, Savsik."

Savsik spit out a mouthful of blood and it dribbled down his chin. "You still do not see it, sir? The captain-- He is a witch. He has driven us both to madness, but we can defeat him and then you can have the Enterprise and I can have you... Much more logical that way sir."

Spock's eyes widened and he dropped Savsik's head back down onto the floor. It landed with a sickening thud.  Kirk watched Spock turn to him and sigh. There was something sad in the Vulcan's face and Kirk knew what was going to happen next. Spock turned to look back down at Savsik. He placed a hand on his servant's face and held it there softly.

"Savsik, you are wrong, but I forgive you. You have always looked out for me and you have been there for me when I had no one else." Savsik tried to smile but his face had started to swell, making that task impossible.

"Master," he whispered and Spock stroked his cheek gently.  Then in one swift movement Spock took his other hand and pulled his dagger from his belt, driving it into Savsik's throat. Kirk watched mesmerized as Spock held the blade there and Savsik flopped about under him, gurgling, before finally laying still.  Spock shut his eyes and said something in Vulcan, before he pulled his blade out. He looked at it in his hand forlornly and then tossed it aside.

He stood from Savsik's body and moved towards Kirk. He dropped down on his knees before him and cupped Kirk's face in his hands.  "James, are you alright?"

Kirk nodded and Spock shut his eyes with a sigh. He leaned into his captain and nuzzled Kirk's face with his own.  As Spock snuggled him, Kirk's eyes turned to the body of Savsik.

"Spock?" Kirk said.  Spock stilled at the sound of his voice.

"Yes, James?"

"What happened? Why did he attack me?"

Spock opened his eyes and Kirk stared into the brown orbs.  They seemed pained and something in Kirk responded to that pain. He touched Spock's face and Spock turned his head to kiss the palm.  He turned back to Kirk and sighed.

"I am afraid that Savsik had gone mad and he blamed you, "Spock said and Kirk huffed out a mirthless laugh.

"Yeah, that's fucking crazy. Here Spock, help me up." Spock stood and pulled Kirk to him. He wrapped his arms around Kirk and frowned.  Kirk watched Spock's face.

"What's wrong Spock?"

"He wasn't wrong, James."  Kirk pulled back when Spock said this.

"What?" He said. Spock sighed again and turned his head looking over to Savsik body.

"You have a profound effect on those around you. You bewitch people with your charm, your beauty, your cleverness.  It is enough _to_ drive one to madness."

"Spock what are you saying? How is this my fault?"

"It is not, t'hy'la.  I think that I am trying to rationalize my own actions. You see, I have done something that is unforgivable, all in order to possess you."

Kirk said nothing, but he felt something hammering inside his mind. It howled like a beast and he found that he was shaking.   He looked into Spock's face and waited. Whatever was about to come from his first officer's mouth, he knew that he was not going to like it.

Spock pulled Kirk closer to him and for a moment he looked so sad, so lost. "James, what happened to you was no accident -- I desired our union. I was selfish, but I couldn't take being rejected by you any longer.  I discovered that one of my ensigns in the labs had found a plant spore that would cause unnatural changes in male mammals."

"You used them on me." Kirk said and Spock nodded.  The color drained from Kirk's face.

"You did this to me deliberately," Kirk said and Spock nodded again. Kirk pulled back from Spock and out of his arms.  He backed away from Spock, scrubbing his face with both his hands. Spock followed him, his arms outstretched towards his captain.

"James... I never..."

"Shut up," Kirk hissed as he turned from Spock crossing his arms over his chest.  He huddled there shivering and he let one of his hands run down over his belly.

"You did this to me."

_He did this..._

"Yes, James. Please know that I thought that we could make this work and we still can.

_He did this to ME!_

"I understand that you are angry and in the circumstances you have every right to be. I will submit myself to you whatever punishment you see fit."

_HE did THIS to ME!_

**_That is not all he has done to us..._ **

Kirk stared out into nothing as memories flooded to the front of his mind. He remembered a picnic, Spock proposing to him and that he rejected Spock. Then there was Spock's hand on his face. The feeling of being violated, his mental walls being destroyed and his will being taking from him. He remembered that it happened again and again.

"James?" Behind him Spock's voice sound worried and cautious. Kirk snarled and his lips drew back over his teeth.  He turned to face Spock.

"You son of a bitch. You fucked with my head." Kirk watched as Spock's face became pale and his eyes open too wide.

_Got ‘em_

Kirk sneered. "I'm judging from the look on you face you weren't going to bring that little fact up."

Spock backed away. "I was getting to that. Truly I was . I was wrong, but please James."

" _Please._  Please... I remember saying please to you a few times and did you hear me? Did you care?" Kirk was surprised at himself at how calmly he was handling it.  He stood there shaking, but he knew he was just one remark way from swinging and knocking Spock out. Spock for his part just stood there looking horrified and downcast.

"I remember too and no, I did not heed you.  I want to make it up to you if I can."

And there is it was.

 _"Make it up to me!"_ Kirk screamed.  His face turned red and his fists were balled. He matched up to Spock and struck him across the jaw.  "Do you hear yourself, you sick fucking creep?  Do you even realize what you did to me? You raped me. Mind  & body and I will watch you squirm. I will have you drug over coals and hung. You will know every method of torture in the empire intimately when I get done with you."

He hit Spock again and turned towards his desk.  As he reached for the COMM , Spock was there behind him pulling his hand back. "Spock, what are you doing? Don't you think you’re enough trouble."

"James, please wait. I can make this right." Slowly, Kirk turned to look at Spock and saw that same crazed look in his First Officer's face. He backed away. Spock seemed to keep step with him, so that they were never more than an arm's length away.

"K'diwa, let me make it better. I can make you forget your pain. I make you love me again and we can be together. Wouldn't that be nice? Just come here."

"Stay away from me Spock. You're insane."

Spock paused and his tilted his head to one side. The left side of his face was twitching making his goatee jerk and his eyes were wide and glassy. It all made a disturbing portrait. Spock pursed his lips and looked at the ground before raising his mad gaze back to Kirk.

"Perhaps, but a small price to pay to have you. Now, come here James."

Kirk turned and tried to run but Spock pounced on top of him. Kirk kicked and started to shout, but Spock covered his mouth. He found his arms pinned to his body and Spock was walking him over to the bunk.  He struggled harder, but that was the thing about Vulcans. They were so damn strong.

Spock dragged him over to the bed and tossed him down his back. Kirk flailed, attempting to sit up, to move, but before her could Spock was on top him, hand back over his mouth, arranging his body on the bed, pinning him down.  He beat his fists on Spock's body and thrashing under him.

Above him Spock said nothing but endeavored to hold Kirk down.  He took both Kirk's hands in one of his held them above the human's head. Kirk bucked and growled.  Spock removed his hand from Kirk's mouth long enough to pull his sash from his waist and shove it into Kirk's mouth. He hissed and jerked his hand away when Kirk bit him.

"That wasn't very nice tal-kam," Spock said glaring down at him. Kirk thrashed and jerked under Spock, his threats muted under from the sash in his mouth. Spock seemed to watch this, his expression unreadable. Kirk paused and looked into Spock's eyes, breathing heavy from the effort. Spock caressed Kirk's face and purred, leaning down to kiss the corners of his mouth.   

He placed his mouth to Kirk's ear and whispered, "There now.  Isn't it better to just relent? You always fight me and I do not understand why, because all I have ever wanted to do is care for you." As Spock spoke, he grinded his groin into Kirk and each time Kirk shivered with revulsion.

Kirk whimpered under Spock as the Vulcan pressed kisses to his ear and neck.  Spock's free hand trailed down Kirk's body and cupped his crotch. Kirk twisted under Spock, a whine coming from his stuffed mouth.

 He started to move violently but Spock's hold on him was secure and Kirk could feel panic building inside.  The hand at this groin moved and started pulling at the waistband of his pants. This made Kirk fight harder and Spock peered down at him frowning.

"James, stop.  Do not fight me. I want to make it better.  We will copulate and you will remember how much you love me. " Now Kirk was truly terrified. How far gone was Spock that he thought that? Kirk's eyes were starting to burn as tears formed in them. In his mind he screamed.

_No, please don't this Spock. Oh god, please no, no, please no._

On top of him Spock's body suddenly tensed and he lifted his head up to look into Kirk's face. He seemed mystified as he peered down at his captain.  The hand that was tugging at Kirk's pants moved to Kirk's face and Spock swiped his thumb over a cheek smearing a tear that had just trailed down.

He sat up, releasing his hold on Kirk's hands and he looked around him,  an expression of horror replacing the confusion.   Kirk did not move but continued to watch Spock, to see what the Vulcan would do next. Spock looked back down to Kirk.

"James -- wha..." Spock did not finish as  his eye rolled back and Spock tumbled over, half on the bed and Kirk and half off. Kirk turned his head to see Mr. Farrell at the privacy screen his phaser raised.   

"Captain!" Came the sound of Mr. Kyle as both he and Mr. Farrell rushed the bed. Mr. Farrell kicked Spock's body off the bed, while Kyle went to Kirk and started to pull the makeshift gag out his mouth.   
Kirk spit and swore when the gag was gone and he glared at the two men.

"Where the hell were you?"  Mr. Farrell turned to from glaring at Spock's form to Kirk, looking ashamed.

"Uh, I was stand guard when Savsik told me he would take over, so I went to the rec room and got something to eat. I ran into Mr. Kyle on the way back."  As he Spoke Mr. Farrell turned his eye downward.

"Well that’s great. You were off having a snack, meanwhile I was attacked by not one, but two crazy-ass Vulcans," Kirk shouted making both Farrell and Kyle flinch.  Both men look regretful and while Mr. Kyle smoothed Kirk's hair, earning him a slapped hand for his effort, Mr. Farrell stood stock still looking at the floor.

"What happened, Captain?" Mr. Kyle asked, his voice quiet.  Kirk  took a deep breath and sat up best he could. He looked down at Spock's prone form.

"Savsik came in and attacked me. Spock came in, Killed him and then he attacked me." Kirk lifted his eyes from Spock's body to See Mr. Farrell was now looking at him.

"Was that all that happened, Sir?" He asked.  Kirk sucked in his lips and sighed.

"That is all you need to know."

Nodding his understanding, Mr. Farrell turned to looked at Spock again. At Kirk's side Mr. Kyle gave his captain an overly concerned look that made Kirk very uncomfortable. He shifted in the bed.  Out of the corner of his eye, Kirk saw Mr. Kyle raise a hand to touch him and was relieved when the other man lowered his hand back down.

There was awkwardness that had settled in the room and Kirk cleared his throat to push it away. Mr. Farrell lifted his head and Kirk was relieved farther seeing the his guard in full soldier mode.

"What are your orders, sir?"  Kirk looked down at Spock's body once more and he tried to not to shake, remembering the mad look in the Vulcan's eyes.  There was so much that was happening in his mind at that moment and all he wanted to do was scream.

He clamped down on all that. There would be time for that later, but now he needed to remain calm. He was the captain. He would act like it.

"Get rid of the bodies and call Doctor McCoy,"  Kirk said and Mr. Farrell nodded once.  The large man grabbed Spock by his jacket and lifted his body off the floor.

"Jeez, he's heavy," Mr. Farrell grunted.  "Did you want take him to the brig?" 

"He's still alive? The yes, when he wakes up, I'll deal with him," Kirk said.  With a grunt Mr. Farrell hefted Spock over his shoulders and started to move around the screen.

"Wait," Kirk called and Mr. Farrell stopped.

"Sir?" He answered his expression puzzled. Kirk sat on his bunk frowning.

"Take him to his quarters."

"Captain, he assaulted you. He needs to be punished for his crime," Mr. Farrell said. Kirk nodded .

"You're absolutely, right. He does, but right now I need him to run the ship, until I can get this thing out of me and reassume my command."  Mr. Farrell opened his mouth to protest but he simply sighed.

"Yes, Sir."

Kirk watched his guard carry Spock off and the shutter that he had been repressing escaped. He scrubbed his face with his hands and exhaled nosily.

"Captain? Are you alright?" Kirk jumped with Mr. Kyle spoke. He jerked his head towards the other man and gave a weak smile.

"Of course. Well maybe a little shaken, but I'm fine."

Mr. Kyle nodded his head but his expression told Kirk that the blonde did not believe him for one minute.

"Well,  sir I guess I will go and tend to Savsik's body then. Sooner we get this cleaned up the better." Kyle stood to leave but Kirk suddenly reached out and grabbed his hand.  Kirk peered up at Mr. Kyle slowly and pulled him back down on to the bed.

"If you don't mind, stay.  Mr. Farrell can see to everything." Kirk turned his head then, hating himself. He did not want to see a member of his crew sneer at him and mock his weakness. But this was Mr. Kyle, so he just sat down next Kirk and said nothing. Kirk let out a sigh of relief and squeezed Kyle's hand.

They sat there not saying a word to each other, listening instead to Mr. Farrell as he came back in to the room and swear as he started to move Savsik's body.   In Kirk's mind a million things played over and over.  He needed to get back his ship. He needed to get rid of this baby. He needed to cry.  He needed so many things and all he wanted was for his life to be normal again.  He sighed again and he felt Kyle nudged him gently.

"Are you sure you're okay, sir?" Kyle said.

"I told you I'm fine," Kirk stated matter-a-factly.  Mr. Kyle just nodded.  Kirk sat a for moment and then took a deep breath.

"James," He said and Mr. Kyle turned to look at him.

"Sir?" Mr. Kyle said and Kirk shook his head.

"Not sir, Mr. Kyle. James. Call me James. You've earned it."  Kirk watched Mr. Kyle's face light up and soft smile touch his lips.  Kirk marveled for a moment at the other man. Kyle was truly a good person, who was selfless and not bad looking.  Kirk smiled back.

"What can I call you?" He asked and watched Mr. Kyle's face turn pink.

"Uh... John," he said suddenly looking everywhere, but at Kirk. Kirk just continued to smile.

"Will you stay with me, John?" Kirk said softly and Mr. Kyle looked back at Kirk licking his lips nervously.

"If you need me too," Mr. Kyle said and Kirk leaned in as close as he could.

"Oh I do.  I need you. Please stay."

"Okay."  Kirk took in Kyle's face and read his expression. It didn't take much to wrap people around his fingers and Kyle  was turning out to be no exception. He gave a lopsided  grin and pressed his lips to Mr. Kyle's.  The kiss was chaste and soft, but Kirk was okay with that. Mr.Kyle, nay _John_ , would be his rock, provide support, comfort and whatever else he needed till he could stand on his own again.

When the kiss broke Kirk saw Kyle's expression soft and dreamy, making him chuckle a bit as he laid his on the man's shoulder.  "Thank you, John," he whispered.  Kyle said nothing but Kirk watched his face. There was doubt there but that didn't matter. This would work for now.


	20. Chapter 20

**Epilogue**

The shadows in the room moved around him as Spock lay in the floor of his quarters.  He had tried to sit up, but it hurt too much.  He could only hazard a guess at what setting Mr. Farrell's phaser had been on, but Spock figured that it had to have been as close to kill as one could get without causing damage. Even as it was, Spock was sure that he would have burns on his back and side where he was hit directly.

With effort he reached up and undid the collar of his jacket.  Then he let his arm flop back to the floor. What had happened? He had went to his beloved to confess his crimes, and even though James now knew what had happened, Spock found his confession did not play out like he had expected.

He had expected his t'hy'la to be angry with him. He had expected that he would be punished, even executed for his actions, but somewhere in his confession, he noticed that he was slowly losing control. Slowly the other part of him, the part of him that pushed him towards all this crept in and took over, leaving Spock helpless to stop himself from hurting James.

It was as if he had blacked out and was brought around when he heard James, begging him to stop. But had he actually heard the captain, or had he just imagined it all? No, he was sure that he had heard James, but when he came around the captain had been gagged, so he would not have been able to speak. 

Spock tried to sit up again and though it was painful, he was successful. He peered around the room at the half built nursery and he hung his head. Best laid plans...

**_You have no one to blame but yourself. I tried to save what we had, but you kept interfering._ **

Spock raised his head and stared unseeing across his room.

_I had to stop this madness. I was hurting him and I promised to never hurt him. I swore to save him if I could._

**_You were saving him... From himself, from his loneliness...We were happy._ **

Spock shook his head and spoke aloud, "No. We were not. He was trapped and I was -- am insane. You are my madness. You drove me to this point. I cannot allow you to do so anymore."  Spock crossed his legs and shut his eyes. Focusing on his breathing he fell into a light trance. He cleared his mind and the trance deepened.  He started to see his mind and inside it he saw _him._

**_I'm stronger than you, you know._ **

_I don't need to be stronger..._

Behind the other, Spock saw a door form and open, vast emptiness beyond its frame. He approached the other slowly and then stopped. Spock concentrated and around him he felt the ground under him shift. It was rising, tilting up and sloping.  From the ground under his feet sprung oil, making his footing unsure. He started to side toward the other, and he was sliding towards the door.

**_What are you doing?_ **

_Putting you away, so you will cause no more harm._

As they both slid toward the open door, Spock heard the other howl. It was a terrible sound that made him shiver. He watched as the other caught himself on the frame of the door.  Spock continued to slide and he took stopped himself on the frame, his hands and feet braced against it. The other was being pulled into the space behind him, but he pulled himself forward, so that he was face to face with Spock.

Dark eyes peered into his own, as Spock watched the other smile, a wide manic grin. His arched eyebrows moved up and his own goatee jerked as he spoke to Spock.

"You cannot shut me away forever. I am apart of you and I will find my way back."

Horrified, Spock knew that the other was right, it was only a matter of time, but they would cross that bridge when they came to it. "I only need to shut you away long enough to save James," Spock said before taking one foot off the door jamb and kicking the other free from the door.  He watched as the other fell back into the darkness behind him and was once aging giving that horrible smile, before the door shut.

Spock leaned on it for a second as everything around him righted himself. Once he could stand upright again Spock focused his mind and felt a key form in his hand. It was a old heavy iron key and Spock felt comfort in its weight.

Locking the door Spock sighed and looked down at the key in his hands. He needed somewhere to put it, so t would be safe. There were footsteps and Spock looked up to see the face of Savsik standing before him. 

"Let me hold on to that for you master," Savsik said as he reached for the key in Spock's hand, devotion in his eyes.  Spock stared and felt his control breaking down.  Savsik  took his hand and led him away from the door.

"You are tired, master.  Go rest. I will keep watch for you."

"Savsik..." Spock started but his trance was unraveling around him. He opened his eyes and was back in his quarters.  He took a deep breath, exhaling with a shutter and then on shaky legs Spock stood. He moved to the bunk that was left in the room and curled up on it in the fetal position. He tired to process what had just happened in his mind and he could not. he was too tired, too sad, too broken.

His one comfort was that the ship was on its way to Vulcan. It would be a while before they were arrive, but once there Spock could seek help. Help in dealing with what was his own severed katra and to release the now trapped katra of his former servant.

There was a touch on his hair, feather light and Spock sat up hurriedly. There was nothing near him that could have touched him, but in his mind he heard a whispered, "It will be alright, master." Behind those words there was harsh insane laughter.  Spock drew his knees up to his chest and peered into the darkness around him. Maybe he would see if Mr. Scott could tinker with the engines to increase their speed. The sooner he made it to Vulcan the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! =^_^=


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